Hugh Hefner Wants Olsen Twins in Playboy, Loyal Readers Promptly Cancel Subscriptions
Posted by Molly Friedman at 8:52 AM on March 4, 2008
Has the Hef finally reached that age where he should start relegating his casting decisions to someone with, ahem, better vision? After understandably courting Lindsay Lohan to pose for Playboy following her NY Mag shoot (Note: we may have typed the phrase "following her NY Mag shoot" approximately 79 times in the last week. That's called a successful spread, people.), the robed golden oldie has now set his sights on none other than the collective 100 pound twosome that are Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Having previously begged the then-plumpish-sized twins on their 18th birthday, Hef is still under the impression that "the twins are every young man's fantasy," according to a source at Ace Showbiz. Call us crazy, but last time we checked, women with the bodies of 12 year-old boys who dress like grannies ready to hop the bus to Atlantic City don't exactly set men's pants ablaze...
Let's take a look-see and figure out whether it's time for ol' Hef to retire his scouting skills. We'll compare the Olsens back in the day, when they were healthy-looking tweenybops ready to take over the world (too bad about that whole drugs/anorexia/college dropout thing, huh?), to their current states of barely breathing. First, a glimpse of the Olsens of yore:

And, shield your eyes kiddies, a dark glimpse into what exactly Hef thinks will drive the boys wild:

Well hey, maybe if Ashley could just hold that squatting pose while MK wraps her pin-thin legs around her waist and then, uh, no, nevermind. We can't even let our imaginations reach that point, or we may be scarred for life.
- THE OLSEN TWINS ASKED TO POSE FOR PLAYBOY [Ace Showbiz]

Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
Jamie
Posted March 6, 2008 1:05 PM
If he can get them doing the twincest thing, he will sell every single copy of it that he prints.
fuddes
Posted 10:32 AM 4/3/08
Are you seriously saying that issue wouldn't sell like crazy? Hef would make a mint, not that he needs it.
fuddes
nick_r
Posted 10:32 AM 4/3/08
How the hell does Hefner know what "every young man's fantasy" is? I don't think he's plugged in enough to comprehend the under-68 demographic, let alone the 18-35ers.
nick_r
Leviticus_71
Posted 11:21 AM 4/3/08
It would of course fly off the shelves, but come on...if I wanted to see a 12 year old boy strip down to his skivvies I'd go to Clay Aiken's house.
Leviticus_71
MaxPatkin
Posted 12:11 PM 4/3/08
Twins are every young man's fantasy, Hef, not "THE twins." Hell, we like triplets, too, but nobody's trying to ring the Del Rubios.
MaxPatkin
Miss d
Posted 12:37 PM 4/3/08
Twins. Regardless who, or what they look like. It'll sell.
Miss d
Adamant_Finn
Posted 12:37 PM 4/3/08
This coming from a site that has become so prosaic they make Harvey Levin look like a modern day Mark Twain.
Man I miss Mark...
Adamant_Finn
kit10indublin
Posted 11:21 PM 4/3/08
Hef is a 257 year old dirty old shrivelled up Viagra addict. Of course, he's completely correct about what every young man's fantasy is.
kit10indublin
rockogre
Posted 4:49 AM 5/3/08
These two trolls are not this 50 something old mans fantasy. Considering some of the women that have appeared in his magazine, this is a definite step into some sort of cave, or sinkhole, or something. Lohan would only be a C or C-, these two are fail deluxe!
rockogre
The Authority
Posted 11:31 AM 6/3/08
Hef's right. Men talk "real women" (see post directly above) but they walk skank.
Exhibit A: [web.ukonline.co.uk]
Exhibit B: [blogs.the217.com]
Exhibit C: [hinessight.blogs.com]
Gay men want to be em, straight men want to do em, end of story. They promise "wild sex you will never forget," and the drama all guys secretly love. Go Hef. Book the junkies, sell the mag, make the bucks, go home.
The Authority
robochimp
Posted 11:31 AM 6/3/08
C'mon guys....where's the "Full Blouse" joke?
robochimp