‘Hell To The No!’ Says ‘Idol’ Oustee Asked To Reprise Her Failure Anthem

On last night’s American Idol results show, two of this year’s nine virtually identical blondes–cloned at Fremantle Laboratories off a Season One contestant who’s been kept in a veal stall and fed on a diet of protein-boosted Jamba Juice and easy-listening favorites–were at risk of elimination. Only one was cut however, and that was (checking the website again just to be certain) Alaina Whitaker.

Interestingly, Whitaker nearly broke away from Idol tradition of sucking it up for one last performance (we’re still waiting for the contestant who’s forced to sing “I’m Walking on Sunshine” through an open spigot of tears), telling Ryan Seacrest that there was no way in hell she’d be able to perform for 32 million of her closest friends so soon after seeing her career hopes snuffed. With the support of her Idol friends, however, she eventually overcame, and America will not soon forget her stirring rendition of (checking website again) “Hopelessly Devoted to You.”

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