Clan Of The Cavemodels
Posted by Seth at 3:00 AM on March 11, 2008
As you recover from one of the more jarring daylight savings shifts in recent memory, try as hard as you can to avoid the stares of co-workers who can't help but notice you sporting your stubbornly punctual morning priapism. Perhaps the box office numbers will ease the transition:
1. 10,000 B.C. - $35.730 million
Having already put his signature on laughably outlandish disaster flicks about malevolent extraterrestrials, radiocative lizards, and low-pressure systems, director Roland Emmerich has turned to the grunt-only world of Cro-Magnon Man. While not quite managing to crack the imaginary $40 million blockbuster line, there was still a significant audience that showed up wanting to learn more about our little-known, dreadlocked human ancestors, marked by their flawless skin, blinding smiles, and remarkable courage in the face of sabre-toothed green-tennis-balls-on-a-stick.
2. College Road Trip - $14 million
Sadly, those who paid for a ticket to College Road Trip hoping to witness the breakout stardom of a black DJ Qualls were left sorely disappointed.
3. Vantage Point - $7.5 million
Having virtually nothing left to say about Vantage Point, we thought we'd check in with some of its stars side projects: How's Dewmocracy, Forest Whitaker's venture into the democratization of Mountain Dew flavors, coming along, for example? Well, apparently we have three finalists: Mountain Dew® Supernova™, Mountain Dew® Voltage™ and Mountain Dew® Revolution™. Which drink becomes the next Mountain Dew® is up to you!
4. Semi-Pro - $5.9 million
A drop of over 60% from an already lackluster opening weekend makes Semi-Pro an official disappointment™. Luckily, Hollywood loves nothing more than a comeback, priming Will Ferrell for his next part: In Duke LaCrosse: B-Movie Superstar, Ferrell plays a comedic movie actor whose reliance on cheap sight gags and predictable formula removes the luster from a once white-hot career. Still, with the help of some cheap sight gags (he has an afro for some reason) and the predictable Ferrell-brand formula audiences love, he manages to once again conquer America's hearts. It's as good as a slam dunk!
5. The Bank Job - $5.71 million
Proving there's an always an audience for an old-fashioned heist flick, Lionsgate's The Bank Job scored a decent take for its 1,600-screen-opening, setting the stage nicely for a sequel featuring some of the other B-list stars in its stable. And with the great reviews it's getting, it won't take Jessica Alba much convincing to sign on for BJ2: Back For More before she even sees a script.
- WEEKEND BOX OFFICE March 7-9, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
Da7e
Posted 5:14 AM 11/3/08
So, was this uncanny timing or have we all developed work-time erections like so many summer camp girls with sync'ed cycles?
Da7e
Reviser
Posted 5:14 AM 11/3/08
Any time Jessica Alba is mentioned in the same sentence as the initials "BJ," I'll have morning priapism issues myself.
Reviser
Sweet Panda Love
Posted 5:14 AM 11/3/08
A Monday morning priapism joke. I can already tell this is going to be an awesome week.
Sweet Panda Love
Pop Socket
Posted 5:14 AM 11/3/08
Great box-office. For a Jessica Alba flick. Talk about your faint praise.
Pop Socket
gwendolyn
Posted 5:54 AM 11/3/08
It just dawned on me that Jessica Alba sure gets a lot of work. Is she the go-to girl for mandatorily-gender female roles that don't require much in the way of line readings?
Personally, I find her no more acting-impaired than a lot of TV actors who are series leads. But she does attract the snark...
Now if we were talking about Elisabeth Shue...
gwendolyn
el smrtmnky
Posted 5:54 AM 11/3/08
if anyone would know about sucking, it would be her
el smrtmnky
Cacafuego
Posted 8:46 AM 11/3/08
So, if Jason Stratham going to be cast in other remakes of Michael Caine films? If so, I'd like to see him in an updated Get Carter (he'd have to be better than Sly Stallone was), Zulu and Funeral in Berlin.
Cacafuego
Cultmember
Posted 4:38 PM 11/3/08
@Cacafuego: Keep him away from Dressed to Kill.
Cultmember