Thursday, March 27, 2008

Kate Moss “Announces” Marriage; Somewhere, Pete Doherty Whimpers Softly

5:12PM Clem Bastow | We’ve been watching Kate Moss’ burgeoning relationship with The Kills’ Jamie Hince for some time, repeating a mantra of “DON’T FUCK IT UP” in the hope that all will go well and she will never, ever return to the nicotine-stained side of Pete Doherty. Well, it looks as though our words of love and support have worked their cosmic charms – it seems Hince and Moss, on hols in Amsterdam, are set to wed! A source told The Sun: “They were looking very loved-up. Kate was so excited it looked like she had just accepted his proposal there and then. She was very happy. “She came out giggling and seemed a little bit tipsy. Lots of fans were taking her picture on their mobile phones. She told them, ‘I’m getting married’.” The source added: “One girl asked her when, and she said, ‘Soon’.” Kate also reportedly talked about her marriage plans to a unnamed fashion journalist she met in the city’s Cafe Tabac. We don’t usually invest much energy into celebrity couplings, but we’ve always loved Kate Moss and we do think Jamie Hince is a bit spesh (his band’s certainly better than Doherty’s efforts), so this is Defamer Australia, officially crossing our fingers that this is all true and good. More »

Celine Dion Does Not “Do” Australian Air

2:20PM Clem Bastow | With every passing day we’re starting to realise how much we actually love Celine Dion. A cursory glance through Defamer Australia’s history will reveal as much, but she’s just so lovably crazy we want to eat her up with a spoon! And her first few moments in Australia (on tour) are no exception to the rule, getting about like Michael Jackson (though we’re not sure whether it’s to stop her from infecting everyone else, or vice versa): Celine Dion brought back memories of the SARS days on the Gold Coast yesterday, appearing in a medical mask when leaving her luxury hotel with husband Rene Angelil and son Rene-Charles. The French-Canadian warbler has angered fans by postponing her Brisbane concert, due to a throat infection and “irritated sinuses”. Oh Celine! You had us at It’s All Coming Back To Me Now. Speaking of which, some mid-afternoon power balladry for you, after the jump! Motorcycles! Lightning! Possibly excessive use of wind machines! Enjoy! More »

Sam Newman: From The Hospital Bed To The Panel Desk In Record Time!

1:51PM Clem Bastow | If it feels like only yesterday that Footy Show alum and man about town Sam Newman was checking into hospital to treat his prostate cancer, well, it pretty much was – only three weeks after his surgery, Newman is heading back to the set of the Show. We know it’s AFL season now, and that as much as we find it largely odious, the Footy Show is really all about the Sam/Eddie/Trevor dynamic, but three weeks? After major surgery? Dude! Nine yesterday said Newman was feeling much better and ready to take centre stage after missing the first two shows for the year. The network is confident Newman’s return will be long-term despite his need for follow-up treatment. “He’s feeling better and is up and mobile,” a Nine spokeswoman said. While we thought it was a bit naff that Newman was so omnipresent media-wise while undergoing treatment, we do hope that his plight encourages more blokes to be vigilant about getting their prostate checked, since it is such a huge problem in men’s health and since so many men are slack about check-ups. Come on, lads, if you only ever let someone put two fingers up the bum once in your lifetime, do it now! More »

What Do Tony Soprano, Brenda Chenoweth And Ja’mie King Have In Common?

12:50PM Clem Bastow | Australian comedy is usually received in one of two ways by our cousins across the pond(s): either wholeheartedly (Dame Edna) or bemusedly before forward-thinking execs decide they can do better (Kath & Kim). Hopefully the former will be the case when Chris Lilley’s masterful Summer Heights High hits HBO as part of the uber-cable channel’s 2008 comedy line-up. Unsurprisingly, the ABC is thrilled to bits with the deal. ABC TV’s head of content creation Courtney Gibson said the broadcaster was over the moon. “Mr G, Ja’mie and Jonah have been welcomed into the home of such immortals as Tony Soprano and Deadwood’s Al Swearengen in the US, and the home of groundbreaking comedy in the UK,” Ms Gibson said. If, however, the latter option (bemused “we’ll originate that joke tomorrow” adoption) turns out to be SHH’s fate, shall we all place bets on who’ll play who in the US adaptation? We’re going with Joey Fatone as Jonah, Hayden Panettiere as Ja’mie, and Steve Carrell as Mr. G. More »

Next Up On Port-au-Prince Action News: Your Weather

10:57AM Seth | We take three things from this video: One, Haitian Weather Guy is about the lowest-stress vocation on the planet. Two, some videos really do improve upon subsequent viewings. And three, if there’s a Meaning of Life, Arthur knows it. [YouTube] K-Fed’s loving father, forgiving ex, and capable role-model game is ridiculous. [In Touch] Tonight, two of our very favourite animated things—South Park and Canadian sci-fi fleshcore classic Heavy Metal—are to be combined into one, brainmeltingly awesome new thing. (One can only hope.) [Vulture] Cajun chef Paul Prudhomme was grazed by a bullet on a Louisiana golf course today, upon which he instantly started hemorrhaging gravy. [USA Today] The only bad thing about the gigantic piano house is the 40-foot-tall Liberace who tramples the village to come play it every full moon. [Weird Asia News via Thighmaster] More »

Why Are Network News Divisions Dragging Their Heels On Converting To HD Programming?

10:49AM Mark Graham | While most of you heathens were watching The Hills and/or The New Adventures Of Two And A Half Men Who Met Your Mother on Monday night, your Uncle Grambo was plowing through the first two and a half hours of the new Frontline documentary, Bush’s War. On an emotional level, it was a thoroughly exhausting experience — reliving those nightmarish days of September 2001 and the resulting six-plus years of what can only be described as another long national nightmare had precisely the opposite effect on my sleep patterns as a fistful of Ambien. That said, it deserves classification as essential viewing, regardless of your party affiliation. That said, this post is not about George Bush or politics, nor does it have anything to do with the subject matter of the two-part series that Variety describes as a “great historical drama.” Rather, it’s about how glorious it was to watch a news documentary that was specifically tailored to HDTV and why we’re considering boycotting 60 Minutes until they make the switchover to hi-def programming. More »

Tina Fey Blames Crafty Editing For Anti-Jon Stewart Comments

10:23AM Seth | We’re thrilled to report the extending of an olive branch in the East Coast-East Coast comedy wars that have devastated the industry since a Tina Fey quote in Reader’s Digest appeared to openly question Jon Stewart’s ability to earn sincere laughs, vs. politically aligned “clapter.” Fey told cinemablend.com that the quote was taken out of context: More »

Remember The Name Courtney Fine For All Your Hogtied, Rape-Victim Needs

9:45AM Seth | Because we at Defamer love nothing more than to give hard-working Hollywood aspirants a nudge up the fame ladder, we now pass along exciting news from CourtneyFine.com, your one-stop resource for updates on the local “songstress and performer extraordinaire,” and, as you’ll soon learn, occasional dabbler in the true-crime-recreating arts: More »

YouTube Clip Of The Day

9:20AM Jess McGuire | Michael, a beloved reader, sent the following clip in to us for Clip Of The Day and it freaked us out. Not only because it’s, well, an amazing example of Japanese game show nuttiness – but because WE DID THIS VERY THING ON BOXING DAY WITH A BUNCH OF MATES*. *Seriously. A packed recording studio full of drunken Melbourne chums spent hours – hours – fulfilling the deranged Christmas dream of Defamer Australia favourite Dan Luscombe from The Drones… we re-recorded We Are the World in its entirety, everyone taking on a different celebrity part, and the result was both horrific and amazing. If we ever get clearance from the motley crew involved (sadly, no Tommy Lee in sight), we’ll put the audio up here one day. The memory of Dan Luscombe belting out “Fucken, we can’t go ooooooooon…” haunts us to this day. We also did Do They Know It’s Christmas. It was a very intoxicated event. More »

Jordan Still Finds Peter Andre Attractive, Despite Recent Pie Eating

8:43AM Jess McGuire | The Daily Mail has some nice photos of Peter Andre sweating it out with a personal trainer in order to lose some pesky pounds which have covered his once chiseled six pack with a fine layer of flesh. Having recently read his autobiography (given to us as a birthday gift by our Associate Editor, THANKS CLEM), we know that Pete’s gaining of pounds is a direct result of Jordan’s demand he comfort eat with her during her pregnancy with son Junior, and we can only assume he dived head first into many plates of culinary crap once again when she was pregnant with their second child Princess Tiammii. Of course, we don’t think Peter looks too bad in the scheme of things, but the British media is sufficiently concerned about the issue to ask Jordan whether his newfound chunkiness has dampened the fires of lust in her loins in any way. Breathe a sigh of relief, romance lovers – it hasn’t. Wife Katie recently dismissed rumours that his ballooning weight has put her off him. She told a newspaper: “That’s ridiculous, bull**** stuff. I don’t care what he looks like.” But the glamour model admitted that he had been on a strick fitness regime for the last two weeks. She said: “I love him for him. I still fancy him as much as I ever did, definitely.” Awww, wonderful. This story has reminded us of how amazingly and hilariously rubbish Peter’s autobiography is (”All About Us – My Story”) and how we still mean to start popping up some of the best excerpts online. Let’s just say there’s a great passage involving one of his L.A girlfriends chasing him from the house with a baseball bat screaming “I GOT MOTHERFUCKERS IN THE HOOD!” More »