Wednesday, March 26, 2008
News Ltd Just Can’t Get Enough Of That Sweet, Sweet Untruth
2:37PM Clem Bastow | We were reading this story this afternoon, about a transgender man who reportedly kept his female sex organs and is now pregnant, and really marvelling at the wonderful fluidity of modern gender roles and relationships.
That was, until we got to the end of the piece and the “staff writers” had to go and stuff it all up with this clanger in the closing paragraph:
Mr Beatie doesn’t appear to be the first “pregnant” male. See the story of Mr Lee Mingwei who is apparently the first born male to give birth to a baby from his body.
“Apparently”! That’s a word those Walkley judges are really on the lookout for, isn’t it?
The thing is, if the News Ltd clowns had bothered to take the time to head over to urban legend and online hoax database Snopes, they would have found that Mr Lee Mingwei is to male pregnancy as “free c1al1s!” is to the hopes and dreams of flaccid systems engineers everywhere.
Go team! Keep on kicking them journalistic goals! More » 
Meet Miles Fisher, World’s Greatest Tom Cruise Impressionist
11:22AM Seth | The secret Tom Cruise Scientology video gets immortalised in Superhero Movie with perhaps the best impression we’ve seen yet, courtesy of astonishing Cruise-alike Miles Fisher. Seriously–someone give this lusciously be-eyebrowed kid a shot at a legit career! [superhero-movie.net] Someone sent in this picture of a framed portrait of Alan Thicke and family, spotted hanging in the window of a store in Pasadena. We find it terrifying. [Flickr] Steve McQueen’s estate sues a clothing company for plastering the legendary tough-guy’s face on a line of poser clothing that would eventually end up on people like Ryan Seacrest. [Reuters] Tina Fey’s dream 30 Rock guest is Oprah, playing her best friend. She’d also happily work with Britney Spears again, whom she describes as “very professional and nice,” standing in stark contrast to Paris Hilton, whom she likens to a morsel of excrement [USA Today] Please do not eat the Icelandic pony. [blog.icelandexpress.com] More »
The Latest Additions To The Neverending Roster Of Brangelina Family Members Are … Barack Obama And Hillary Clinton?
10:28AM Molly Friedman | Brangelina has yet to officially support any of the current presidential candidates, but now that they have learned that they’re related to two of them, we can expect that an endorsement (or two!) is forthcoming. According to the New England Historic Genealogical Society, Brad Pitt is “ninth cousins” with Barack Obama, and Angelina Jolie is coincidentally “ninth cousins” with Hillary Clinton. So will the couple happily add the Dems to their “soccer team” or will the wildly varying family trees tear ‘em apart? After a bit of research, we discovered that even if the pair did welcome them into their many homes with welcome arms, one of the candidates isn’t quite as enraptured with the Jolie-Pitts as the rest of the world… More »
The Hills: Words Of Wisdom
10:04AM Molly Friedman | Today marks the first edition of “The Hills: Words Of Wisdom,” a new weekly feature in which the bleached blonde cast of “real people” indulges us with life lessons worth learning. On last night’s Season Four premiere, the one-hour chickfest was jam-packed with girly fever, tears, ruined dresses, dates with French rockers, and Spencer’s Lucy Ball ‘do. But the most important thing to take away from all that femitude is the wise words of heroines Lauren Conrad, Whitney Port and former meth addict Stephanie Pratt. This show is more than just quick flashes of fancy parties and shoes, combined with solemn pouts over which guy to tease; The Hills is the modern day version of Emily Post’s guide to good etiquette. Thanks to the keen skills of Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer, now you can learn just what to do when you feel nauseous over the loss of designer shoes (”breathe”), whether or not boys are hotter in LA or Paris (”way hotter in Paris”), and most importantly, how to successfully mount a motorcycle while wearing a dress worth more than your house. [MTV] WATCH VIDEO More »
Spurned John Burgess Drowns His Sorrows In Camp Power Ballads
9:52AM Clem Bastow | We weren’t even aware that Channel 9 had nicked the Wheel Of Fortune format from Channel 7, but there it wuz, and apparetly not only are those at Stokes HQ having a big old cry about it (despite the fact that they didn’t exactly stoke the Fortune fires; maybe it’s one of those “we don’t want you but we don’t want anyone else to have you” things), but “Baby” John Burgess, he of the ‘golden era’ of the dizziness-inducing gameshow, is also sooking!
We’re not particularly concerned by the career woes of superannuated old showbiz types, but we do like the way in which he celebrated his angst:
“I was told ‘Burgo, if we get hold of it, you’ll be doing it.’ Well they’ve forgotten about me. Tim Campbell’s doing it and I’m sure he’ll do a terrific job, but I must admit I am just slightly gutted” he said, before playing Toni Braxton’s Unbreak My Heart.
Big gay Burgo! Nothing makes the sadness go away than a bit of Toni Braxton!
It should be noted, however, that he was actually presenting on the radio at the time, not just randomly ringing journalists, while sitting next to a stereo playing sad AOR ballads and wearing lipstick like Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison. More’s the pity. More » 
What? Derryn Hinch Insulting And Upsetting People? You, Sir, Are Clearly A Liar!
9:28AM Clem Bastow | If there’s one constant in this fickle, fickle world of ours, it’s that Derryn Hinch will, without fail, find the time to insult, upset and scandalise those around him. And he’s particularly fond, it seems, of doing this when the object of his waffling is no longer around to defend themselves.
To wit, he’s now sounding off about what he sees as the cause of his late 3AW colleague Clinton Grybas’ sad and sudden death earlier in the year at the age of 35. Naturally, Grybas’ family (and no doubt doctors) have refuted Hinch’s soundbites.
All together now: DERRRYYYYYNN!
The family of football commentator Clinton Grybas has lashed out at radio host Derryn Hinch after he announced his former 3AW colleague died from a food allergy and heart condition.
The talented Victorian sport broadcaster’s parents angrily denied the allergy claim.
Yesterday, an upset Sandra Grybas insisted the exact cause of her son’s death remained a mystery. Mrs Grybas said a coroner had painted a possible scenario, but she declined to divulge the information.
“It’s all rumour and innuendo, and we have nothing to say,” she said.
Grybas father, Vic, said: “The coroner found it was unable to be ascertained.”
Mr Hinch reported a coroner had found the combined effects of an allergy to something he ate or drank the night before and a faulty heart valve had claimed Grybas’s life.
Oh but isn’t it clear, you guys? Derryn IS the coroner! He knows EVERYTHING!
Seriously, Hinchy – don’t you think cruising the obituaries for material is a bit… naff? Particularly when they were your colleagues! Heaven forbid he actually talk about things that are, you know, current and not to do with speculation and innuendo. More » 
“Nooooo Bingo” Guy Snubbed By Logies Organisers; Paul Thomas Anderson Sends Telegram Of Support
9:07AM Clem Bastow | To be honest we’d completely forgotten about “hilarious” National Bingo Night “Bingo Commissioner” Tanveer Ahmed – you know, “Nooooo bingo!” dude, who was probably made more memorable by his frequent unauthorised appearances on The Chaser.
He hasn’t forgotten his own importance, however, and is railing against the organisers of the Logie Awards, because the “Ball Room Girl” has been nom’d and he hasn’t. This, apparently, constitutes great “injustice”. Read and learn, kids:
“The process of selection for Logie nominees must be called into question when the Bingo Commissioner [him] gets knocked back behind Renee Bargh, the ball girl,” he railed.
“Realistically, the show flopped but the popularity and impact of the Bingo referee character [him again] was far beyond the short lifespan and lukewarm ratings of the program.”
We love that he’s talking about himself almost in the third person!
Anyone want to place bets on a Falling Down-esque public meltdown soon? He’ll probably go on an indiscriminate rampage, burning down bingo halls and shouting, “The Bingo Commissioner just wanted a time to shine! Is that too much to ask?!” More » 
Britney, Paris and Lindsay May Be Hooked On Adderall, But Guess Who Else ‘Experts’ Say Loves The Blue Stuff Too?
8:58AM Molly Friedman | Generation Rx sounded pretty cool when the term was first coined, but now that Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Britney and Lindsay have all boarded the Adderall bandwagon, we fear the pill-popping twenty-something crowd has officially snorted the shark. According to reports in both the New York Daily News and on abc.com, crushing the little blue pills and snorting them is the oh-so-coolest way to stay skinny, replacing old time faves caffeine, cigs and (if you’re adventurous) cocaine. But just as we started hating on all the celebs using the pill-of-the-week to lose weight, we read a bit more about who else in Hollywood is hooked on the jitterbuggy meds. After the jump, learn which highest of highbrow actresses is also suspected of Adderall addiction: More »
Minghella’s Hand-Picked Replacement Kapur to Take Over Unfinished Project
8:18AM Defamer Hollywood | Filmmaker Anthony Minghella is staying in the news a week after his death, with Defamer learning that Elizabeth director Shekhar Kapur will complete Minghella’s portion of the currently filming omnibus project New York, I Love You. A rep for the project confirmed that Minghella handpicked Kapur prior to undergoing the fateful March 18 operation to treat his tonsil cancer. “He knew he was going into surgery and was unsure of whether or not he would recover fast enough to be able to direct the film,” Defamer was told this afternoon. “The production team obviously all hoped Anthony would recover, but they were relieved he had chosen someone of his own to direct the piece he wrote. It worked out well for all the parties.” More »
