· On The Ellen DeGeneres Show today, Margaret Cho explains how she avoids the knife in favour of the needle. [Ellen]
· HBO orders a pilot from the Mr. Show guys. [THR]
· Is the Guitar Hero party over? [Idolator]
· Squint a little and you'll get a picture of what Jakeypoo Gyllenhaal will look like in his 50s. [ONTD]
· You'd think someone 81-years-old with the wherewithal to build himself a "suicide robot" from the ground up would have something to live for. Also: Wouldn't it be more accurate to just call it a "murder robot?" [Times Online]
· Behold the one Jared Leto poster that will not be adorning your 30 Seconds To Mars-groupie daughter's wall. [moviesblog.mtv.com]

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Angela Bassett received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today, and if her emotional speech doesn't get you right there, well, you're probably the CEO of a major media corporation or something: "Today my cup runneth over. I am crying now, I cried yesterday and the day before. Who would have thought that a little girl in pigtails from St. Petersburg, Florida, would grow up to find herself gazing at a star with her name on it, on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? This day is so, so special to me." Photo: Getty Images [Yahoo News]

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The second Owen Wilson film to hit theatres since his suicide attempt last August, the new comedy Drillbit Taylor, is likewise the second consecutive -- and for his employers, hopefully the last -- film for which Wilson has skipped doing publicity and promotion. To wit, while John Horn and Gina Piccalo acknowledge in today's LA Times that the teen bully-bodyguard film will probably find its adolescent boy market without Wilson doing the print rounds or baring his soul to the likes of Barbara Walters, their Great Moments in Publicity Awkwardness timeline suggests that date may need to occur sooner than later:

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The Moment of Truth--the bold Fox reality experiment that promised to pulverize real lives into a fine confetti by hooking average Americans up to a lie detector and having them answer brutally personal questions about their crotch-stuffing and philandering habits--has failed to really deliver on its promise.

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In case you hadn't heard, Oprah's Big Give special, which aired on ABC March 2nd, was a hit in the smashiest hit kind of way. The debut attracted 15.7 million viewers, which HuffPo claims was the highest rated primetime show that week aside from American Idol. While it's no surprise that anything Oprah does is bound to reel in a massive audience, her latest profitable stunt may have been formulated under unethical circumstances. A Boston mother of four named Darlene Tracy is claiming Oprah stole the idea from a pitch she'd laid out for Oprah's producers, a nearly identical idea called The Philanthropist, "in which contestants are challenged to help the needy." And now she's taking legal action. But after reviewing the history behind these series of unfortunate events, we're putting on our thinking caps (boy were they hard to find!) to try and figure out whether or not Darlene has a case or not...

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There was little that could have come from Brad Grey's testimony at the Anthony Pellicano trial today that would have matched the sensationalism of the last bombshell to emerge from this ongoing saga of backdoor Hollywood intrigue--i.e., the Chris Rock: Accused Rapist tapes. Still, there was plenty of opportunity for another Moment, the diminutive studio emperor having a sizable axe to grind with Garry Shandling, who pulled no punches on the stand in a brutally frank testimony against his former manager. (It would surely have included some waterworks had the Larry Sanders Show star not years ago had his face pulled tighter than a conga drum, effectively sealing every one of his above-the-neck mucus membranes tighter than Tutankhamen's tomb.) As it turns out, Grey did not use the opportunity to take some public jabs at his nemesis, instead delivering straightforward statements relieving himself of all knowledge of Pellicano's shadowy surveillance methods:

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No sooner did the Universal logo appear onscreen than straight men around the world shrugged at the sight of the new Mamma Mia! trailer, a glittering, sensory-overloading hint at this summer's forthcoming tribute to the revolving institutions of ABBA, Meryl Streep, and general gayness.

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After the chilling lessons of last night's South Park, in which paparazzi and handlers carried on mistreating the surviving bottom-third of Britney Spears's blown off head as if nothing at all was wrong, we thought we'd take this opportunity to instead focus on some of the more exciting and positive things going on in her life. For one, Britney released an album this year! It's called "Blackout," it's available on iTunes, and mark our words when we tell you, this thing is going to pop up on more year-end Top Ten lists than you can shake a stick at. (We wish we were even kidding.) Moving along:

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Who was that unseen member-haver defiling Charlotte York Goldenblatt in those naughty photos that wound their way round the internets earlier this week? Page Six identifies him as Eric Stapelman, Davis's boyfriend in the early '90s "who is now the executive chef at Trattoria Nostrani in Santa Fe." The penetrative gumshoes over at BestWeekEver.tv did some further snooping, and turned up a picture of Stapelman-- a total Harry placeholder if we ever saw one. [NY Post, BWE.tv]

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We haven't associated sexiness with Brooke Shields since...well, scratch that. Even her so-called hot Calvin Klein ads never really did anything for us in terms of fantasies. As pretty as Brookie may be, her Amazonian stature and broad shoulders never put her at the top of our dream girl list. But during her appearance on last night's Late Show, Shields did her very best to not-so-subtly assure the masses that she is, indeed, one sexy mother. Feigning surprise that Dave just happened to have a copy of her latest spread in this month's Interview, in which she poses for scantily clad photos, Brooke proved that it's possible to accept compliments even when no compliments are actually given.

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Our faith in Lindsay Lohan's discreet, discerning tastes in only the highest-grade exploitation is reaffirmed at last, with a helpful tipster pointing us to the very NSFW XTube video from which this morning's rumoured sex-tape still was ripped. The clips reveal little more than the anonymous debauchery we hoped would win out, thus closing this investigation and returning us to the queasy anticipation of the next round of cringeworthy smut. Which should arrive in 5... 4... 3... 2... [The Blemish]

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Sad news from London notes the death of Paul Scofield, the British stage and screen legend who won the Best Actor Oscar in 1966 for his performance as Sir Thomas More in A Man For All Seasons. He was 86. Having first earned acclaim for his transcendent theatre work in the '50s and '60s, Scofield won a Tony Award for Seasons in 1961 before following up with his film triumph five years later. He appeared in relatively few movies afterward, however, sticking primarily to stage and TV in his native England. (He was rumoured to have declined a knighthood as well.) Scofield drew a second Oscar nod in 1994 for his supporting performance in Quiz Show, his next-to-last film role. He had suffered from leukemia in recent years and passed Wednesday at a hospital in Southern England. [AP]

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The latest trendy excuse floating through the manipulative minds of Young Hollywood? Nude photo shoots are totally artistic! As we reported yesterday, Hills sidekick and all-around Mensa candidate Audrina Patridge completed a scheduled spread for Playboy, only to have the story nixed (we've never, ever taken a glimpse at the mag ourselves of course, but our "friends" tell us B-cups aren't a common theme in Hef's airbrushed centerfold ouevre). But after the photos were released in all their Catholic school girl, cowboy hat glory, Patridge is pulling a Dina Lohan and claiming the bonerific shots are totally just art, guys: "I intended them to be artistic and not in any way provocative." After the jump, the wise one's words of advice for all the young wannabe actresses out there hoping their ticket to stardom will come in the form of artsy T&A:

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· A half-hour CSI stage show at Magic Mountain will allow visitors to Six Flags to "witness a fake crime, then guide them through the 'whodunit' process," before shuffling them through turnstiles for the ride of their life on The Wild Blacklight Splooge-Stain Coaster! [Variety]
· Filmmaker R.J. Cutler will turn the new book Comedy at the Edge: How Stand-Up in the 1970s Changed America into a feature-length documentary, highlighting the amazing stand-up accomplishments of groundbreaking comedians like Steve Martin, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and a 4-year-old Dane Cook, who to this day holds the title for youngest Boston Yuk-Yuks headliner of all time. [Variety]

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As if being the "Emmy-winning producer" responsible for Earthquake in New York and Total Recall 2070 wasn't enough cosmic punishment for a lifetime, mover and shaker Drew Levin now faces prison for charges he inflated his publicly traded company's value in a stock fraud scheme. And despite a corporate bio clean enough to serve a last meal off of, the president of Team Communications was indicted Wednesday on 13 counts that could send him away for 200 years:

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What would happen if the douchey Entourage cast all took a bunch of 'shrooms and headed out to the desert to "find themselves?" According to EW.com, we'll soon learn. As creator Doug Ellin puts it, "The boys trek to Mexico and Joshua Tree National Park...they'll eat some psychedelic mushrooms...It's one of my favourite episodes. It's their Into the Wild trip." But as any fan of psychedelics knows, the concept of putting four man-children out in the middle of nowhere with nothing but widened minds to entertain themselves can only lead to (further) homoeroticsm and cannibalism. Our hallucinogenic fever-vision after the jump:

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We've long believed that of all of Mr. T's deeply subversive acting work of the '80s, nothing demands a more serious reappraisal through the prism of contemporary social issues than The A-Team. Especially an A-Team directed by John Singleton, whom Fox has nabbed for its feature-length adaptation to open in summer 2009. Alas, with the updating reportedly focusing on a group of Iraq War veterans railroaded for a crime they didn't commit, Singleton requires a kinder, gentler, less gold-plated 'Nam vet anti-hero B.A. Baracus to carpool his batch of mercenaries in that famous black van.

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After a touching season premiere in which Cartman learns he's been accidentally infected with HIV, South Park decided to lighten things up in the second episode of their 12th season by having Britney Spears put a shotgun in her mouth and blow off 70% of her head. (Don't worry--she lives!)

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It's tough out there for a celebrity mum with a baby cover exclusive with People. From Nicole Richie's non-groundbreaking Harlow cover to Christina Aguilera's boobalicious Max debut, no glossy cover with a star baby splashed across it will ever compare to that of The Chosen One. Well, unless The Chosen Two follow in their goddess-like older sister's footsteps. And despite the fact that Jennifer Lopez received the heftiest payday on record to introduce twins Max and Emme to the masses, MSNBC reports that Jenny From The Block went into vintage diva mode both prior to the shoot and throughout the painful session:

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Considering the lengths of deduction and investigation we went to when gauging the authenticity of the very real Kristen Davis Sex-Act Souvenir Photo Set, we are tempted to parse every pixel of brand new cell-phone smut attributed to a very grainy Lindsay Lohan and her ex-beau Calum Best. As sex-tape connoisseurs of impeccable taste and refinement, however, we're also tempted to draft legislation making it a capital crime to pass such indistinguishable crap off as the real deal. Help us judge after the jump!

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It may soon be time to dive back into the drawer containing your vast assortment of "Free [Insert First Name of Guilty Celebrity]" T-shirts, and fish out the one that started it all: Winona "Saks' Fifth Most Wanted" Ryder, the National Enquirer is reporting, has allegedly been caught once again with her hands in the klepto jar. (We don't even know why they bother to make klepto jars, really--it's just asking for trouble.) This time, the action takes place at a comparatively downmarket CVS drugstore in Hollywood:

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