Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Breaking: Director Anthony Minghella Dead at 54
11:36PM Defamer Hollywood | Sad news from London this morning reveals that Anthony Minghella, who in 1996 won an Oscar for directing The English Patient, has passed away. He was 54. Minghella’s death was confirmed this morning by his agent Judy Daish; no further details on the cause are currently available. More »
KISS Press Conference Hell
4:29PM Jess McGuire | Defamer Australia operative Elmo Keep – she of “Stop interrupting me, Gene Simmons” fame – last week came face to face with her interview nemesis and his pack of make-up lovin’ rock goons at a KISS press conference held before the band appeared at the weekend’s Grand Prix celebrations.
How did it go?
.. arrive at Crown Towers. Seeing the inside of places like this is not something that would ever normally happen to me. Part casino, part Dune interiors set, there are pillars and split spiral stairways and black marble floors lit from beneath somehow and bellhops in hats. And milling incongruously in amongst all this are all the media parasites waiting for KISS.
Let me just say here, that if you look even partially like you are meant to be there, you can just walk right into one of these things. No one looked at me, asked who I was or wanted to see my credentials. Lucky I didn’t have a gun.
Because I would have shot myself.
As ever, you can read the entire tale over at FasterLouder. More » 
Jive Schmive, We’re Just Glad To Learn The So You Think You Can Dance Kids Are A Fruity Bunch
3:25PM Jess McGuire | When we saw the picture on your left pop up on the news.com.au front page, we put two and two together and concluded JD and Rhys from So You Think You Can Dance were cock-bonding in the few precious and no doubt savoured moments they’re not learning how to bust out Emotional Hip Hop or Dramatic Jazz Waltz (or whatever weird style of choreography we’ve never actually heard of that they’ve unluckily pulled out from the Magical Hat Of Dance Moves for the week).
Sadly, it seems News Ltd’s choice of photo is not indicative of the saucy couplings going on behind the scenes, and JD and Rhys are simply chums (FOR NOW), but the article itself does reveal a couple of interesting things when it comes to the sex lives of contestants. More » 
Warning: If You Talk Too Loudly During Her Boyfriend’s Gig, Kate Nash Will Not Be Afraid To Choke A Bitch
1:32PM Jess McGuire | Kate Nash, Brit Award winning ladysinger of ‘Foundations‘ fame, appears to be rather protective of her boyfriend, Ryan Jarman from The Cribs. During a recent show at SXSW, Kate snapped when a bunch of suits, no doubt sent by The Man to totally ruin the punk vibe of the night, talked loudly during her fellow’s set.
After a great SXSW show, Kate revealed: “I’ve just been hanging out with Ryan and watched The Cribs. There has been lots of sun and beer. He gets angry but I do too. I threw some beer over some of the crowd at The Cribs gig over here the other day.
“I thought it was going to be amazing – but I got there and the band were amazing but the crowd were s**t. It was just industry w*****s with their clipboards.
“I threw a beer and it went over all of these industry people and they got upset.
“And I was like, ‘Have you never had beer thrown over you at a gig before? It’s a Cribs gig.’ Some of my friends have broken bones at gigs.
Ha! You sure showed ‘em, Kate! Keep it real! Sex Pistols forever! Take your clipboards and your calculators and your hype generating and your beerless shirts and your unplastered limbs and piss off home, Industry Wankers TM! Until Kate needs you to promote her particular cutesy brand of female singer-songwriter schtick, and then come back! And help sell the records! Don’t hate the playa, hate the game! Etc!
Also, are we alone in thinking she looks like an extra from Heartbeat? You know, with an added healthy dollop of fucking hardcore attitude and bone-breaking beer flinging street cred and stuff… More » 
Attention George Clooney: News Ltd Does Not Approve Of Your Choice Of Girlfriend
1:13PM Clem Bastow | You know, it’s not like we look to the News Ltd stable as our barometer of what’s good and right in the world, but we would assume that some, if not most people working there, like to think that a good relationship is based on things like chemistry, mutual interests, understanding and attraction – right?
Not so, if you take their handling of George Clooney’s relationship with model girlfriend Sarah Larson as evidence:
Yes, in the piece entitled “Clooney’s girlfriend is just flat-out”, evidently “Sarah Larson is one of the most envied woman on Earth – but probably not for her chest measurements.”
Who woulda thunk it, eh? A woman with a less-than-generous bust measurement just might snare an eligible bachelor like Clooney on the strength of her personal character as well as her nungas! Strike us pink! More » 
When You Can No Longer Depend On Shannon Noll Delivering A Mind-Blowing Live Performance Everytime, Life Just Doesn’t Seem Worth Living
12:26PM Jess McGuire | Condo’s favourite whore-dabbling rocker son Shannon ‘Nollsy’ Noll has offered an apology to punters who suffered through his “emotional and exhausted” (that’s the official term for celebrity off-chops behaviour, right?) appearance on stage during the CMC Rocks The Snowys concert Saturday night. After Confidential were informed by a displeased gig attendee that Shannon’s time in front of the microphone was “so appallingly bad it wasn’t funny”, Shannon Noll has admitted his mistake and begged for forgiveness, pledging to seek help for shit showmanship. More » 
Girls Aloud’s Lesbian Shocker!
9:38AM Clem Bastow | Well, it’s not really lesbotic, nor is it really shocking, we’ve just always wanted to use that headline (see also perennial favourite, “My Drug Hell”) and this was as good a chance as we’d ever get.
Evidently Sarah Harding and Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud, snapped heading home after a large night, really enjoy each other’s company, if the following coverage from the Mail is anything to go by:
Along with bandmate Cheryl Cole, the pair had attended Kimberley Walsh’s sister’s 21st birthday party in Mayfair.
However after the celebrations Sarah and Nicola were driven away laughing and holding each other in a warm embrace.
A “warm embrace”? My, it’s getting hot in here! Is it just us, or is the Mail harbouring some secret Harlequin Mills & Boon Black Label fantasies about these two? Next thing you know they’ll be caressing each others’ secret jewels and crying out in pleasure, and all those other things that people in bodice-rippers seem to do.
Girls Aloud lesbian fanfic: coming soon to a major tabloid near you! More » 
Bindi Irwin Hopes Australian Children Want To Wear Her Beautiful Skin… Sorry, Clothes
9:22AM Clem Bastow | Despite what you may glean from her perma-enthused persona, Bindi Irwin is not actually a cyborg child from planet Goblin just like the rest of us: she gets nervous when her pet project is laid on the line for the children of Australia to judge (i.e. with their parents’ money).
That’s right, Bindi’s new Bindi Wear International range of branded clothing debuts at Myer stores this week, and the crimping iron fan is hanging out to see how her range of sensible slacks goes down with the little’uns.
While the label was officially launched at the Magic clothing fair in the US in August, Australia is the first country where the clothes for babies and girls and boys up to 12 will go on sale.
“I am so excited to have my own range, I can’t wait to see other kids wearing it,” Bindi, 9, said.
In its first real test before it hits stores, two fashion-loving Sydney sisters put the range of cool and khaki clothes to the test.
Avid Bindi fan Hannah Stevenson, 5, loved that there was more than khaki in this collection, with a pink-dappled camouflage dress with front bow and ruffled skirt one of her top choices.
While it was a pretty piece, it was in a canvas material and was tough enough to endure jumping off the garden fence at her Croydon home, one of her favourite activities.
Canvas! Great! Isn’t that the childrenswear equivalent of, dunno, a kero bath for nanna? Like, sure, kids’ clothes need to be durable, but canvas? What next, chainmail?
Here you go, little Johnny, wrap yourself up in this nice, snuggly Kevlar dressing gown! The label says it’s stingray-proof! More » 
$52.3Million Not Enough To Stop Heather Mills’ Ranting
9:08AM Clem Bastow | Well, the day that seemingly would never come has arrived: Paul McCartney and Heather Mills have reached a divorce settlement!
After spending aaages in the courts duking out the terms of their split, the Beatle and his activist ex-wife agreed on a £24.3million settlement (apparently Mills sought £125million and McCartney offered £15.8million), which is roughly AUD$52.3million, but that didn’t stop Mills from marching out of court and holding an impromptu press conference on the steps outside.
Launching a non-stop stream of criticism, Ms Mills raged against Sir Paul, the judge and McCartney’s lawyer Fiona Shackleton.
She said: “Fiona Shackleton has very sadly handled this case in the worst manner you could ever imagine. She has called me many, many names before meeting me when I was in a wheelchair.”
Ms Mills also launched an angry outburst against her husband’s victory on where their daughter would live and how much she would get each year.
“Beatrice gets £35,000 a year. She is meant to travel B-class when her father travels A-class.
“Paul has always wanted Beatrice to go to a state school. He insisted that he wanted us to move to that area [East Sussex] – £35,000 includes. £17,000 for school fees.”
“He tried to get our daughter with joint residency, even though we had gone 50-50. In that way he has got everything he wanted, but that’s what powerful people get.”
Ms Mills complained about the judge’s assessment of her husband’s wealth.
“He also said that Paul is only worth £400 million. Everyone knows that he has been worth £800 million for the last 15 years.
“Paul has always wanted it public because he wants to look like generous Sir Paul.”
Blah, blah, blah… You know, for ages we tried to support Mills, tried not to buy into the grossly misogynist muckraking the UK tabloids took part in, tried to see her as something other than the gold-digger the press was so keen to paint her as – but she was just as keen to, presumably, reveal the deeply unpleasant nature of her personality. Surely the mega-bucks pay-out means she could relax into full-time parenting, but no, Mills plans to shack Beatrice up with a nanny ASAP.
And given the terms of the divorce settlement, we’ll never know if Sir Paul really was a knob to her, as she claims, but you know what? We hope we never have to hear from or of her again. More » 
YouTube Clip Of The Day
9:03AM Jess McGuire | HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA oh man, some things do not age well, do they?
We don’t recall Indecent Obsession’s “Say Goodbye” being so explosive and in your face, but there you go. We can’t believe how young the band look! More » 