Oh happy day, citizens of Nerdistan. For it was written that one amongst us would be chosen to entertain the masses with pithy social commentary and weekly question and answer sessions and be celebrated for this kind dorky activity, and so it is today we learn Ms Fits (also known as Triple J breakfast host Marieke Hardy) has won herself a Bloggie at the Eighth Annual Weblog Awards!

Hardy said she hadn't expected to receive any awards for the blog, where she posts a mix of wry observations and left-wing political commentary as the cynical Ms Fits.

"I'm still somewhat surprised about it all, to be honest. I wasn't expecting to win any prizes for my semi-regular inane internet rantings," Hardy said today.

"At least now I can tell my parents my little hobby has paid off."

We asked her for an official statement for Defamer Australia readers, which she promptly gave us.

"Christ."

Thank you, Ms Fits.

Better go and read the News Ltd article if you want proper quotes and stuff.

In any case, we suppose whoever put forward the winning bid in the recent eBay auction for a night on the town with Marieke Hardy will be pleased. We suggest marking her price up, and selling her on.

A trip to a basketball game is, for most people, normally a pleasant experience full of sporting goodwill and athletic joy, but not for punters at the recent Sydney Kings/Melbourne Tigers grand final. Hoop lovers were forced to witness a foul-mouthed Deni Hines running amok and lashing out at cheerleaders.

Hines was a guest of Sydney Kings shareholder Dorry Kordahi and, alongside other celebrity attendees Jane Flemming and partner Ian Purchas, was treated to front-row seats at the blockbuster match held at Sydney Entertainment Centre. The only problem being Hines was in the mood for some slam-dunking of her own - at the expense of the Sydney Kings' cheerleading squad.

Spectators sitting close to the singer told Confidential they were appalled when Hines, the daughter of Australian Idol judge Marcia Hines, began abusing the cheerleaders in an expletive-ridden rant after one of the girls accidentally brushed past her.

"She was saying things like, 'Get your f...ing s... out of my face' and pretending to kick the girls while they were sitting courtside doing their job," one witness reported yesterday.

Now, now. What would your impeccably mannered mother say, Deni? ("That moody cow?" - Chanel Cole)

Confidential's source for the story manages to include a tasty anti-Deni zinger in their version of events, huffily declaring -

"I have to say, I was absolutely appalled by Deni's behaviour - there is a right and wrong way to conduct yourself and she behaved inappropriately. Besides, I'm sure the cheerleaders have received more work than Deni over the past few years."

They shoot, they score!

As one would expect, Deni's management are denying the entire thing ever happened.

· 20/20 gets to the bottom of that whole bogus sob story about Tori Spelling spending the majority of her adult life on the brink of poverty. As John Stossel would say, "Give me a break!" Are we right, people?
· Report: Fake-love may have gone sour for Star Jones and gay husband.
· Joe Francis in transit: The flashcore mogul is being released from Nevada jail to face his Panama City, Fla. charges.
· It's a PR miracle! A big feature about The Dark Knight in the NY Times that doesn't reference Heath Ledger's death until the 17th paragraph!
· Britney Spears has been granted a $1500-per-week debit card allowance, which she'll burn through on the first day with one glorious Pinkberry containing double-servings of every available topping.
· Ah, we never tire of looking at pictures of the ageless Catherine Zeta-Jones and the ageful Michael Douglas.

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You know, sometimes when we're checking out the madness of YouTube, we just want to find something simple which appeals to our most basic needs. Like with the following video, we thought "Aha! Girl dressed as seal is frightened of hungry polar bear, hilarity ensues!"

But then we read the comments and from what we can tell from them and Wikipedia, the little girl is in fact a Japanese model and popstar called Yuko Ogura whose nickname means polar bear and who is mocked by a man called Guitar Samurai for being quirky and oddball and everything is confusing and hurts our head and in conclusion, send help immediately.

A lawyer for Andrew Koenig, aka Growing Pain's Richard Milhous "Boner" Stabone, pleaded in Pasadena court today on behalf of their client, who was detained by police for ten hours on New Year's Day for jumping in front of a China-themed Rose Parade float holding a sign that said "China: Free Burma." Interesting Boner fun facts: While his fictional father was Sylvester Stabone, Andrew's real father is Walter Koenig, aka Star Trek's Lt. Pavel Chekov! [Pasadena Weekly]

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Following a season of Project Runway is something akin to sticking your head in a gay pinball machine, at the end of which enough "fierces" and "feroches" have ricocheted off your skull to cause your brain to dissolve into a soft pink foam and run out your ears. It's an effect not entirely lost on the writers of SNL, who noticed that the search for America's Next Top Designer You'll Probably Never Hear From Again was perhaps a sconch over-reliant on oft-repeated catchphrases, whose non-meanings decreased with each sassy intonation. And we'd be remiss in not presenting the Fierce Trannie Hot Mess Gold Star to Amy Poehler, who really manages to capture the dippy, squared-off smile of Runway victor Christian Siriano.

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We guide you now to Gawker for complete coverage of the shocking--simply shocking!--sex scandal in which New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer currently finds himself embroiled, as all we at Defamer are interested in is who should play Eliot and wife Silda in the inevitable CBS Movie of the Week:

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Straight out of a Melrose Place marathon on Lifetime, Heather Locklear was at the center of a dramatic series of (Exclusive!) stories posted online over the weekend having to do with a phantom 911 call and alleged suicide attempts. Some said the call came from Locklear, some said her psychiatrist, and others said they didn't care. But as the workweek began and actual reporters took to the stage, it seems as though the story was nothing more than an overreaction to one in a sea of myriad false positives raging through the LAPD phone lines daily. So who started the hubbub in the first place? And was the call in question coming from...inside the house?

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Via Glitterati Magazine, we bring you this photo of a visibly delighted Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa taking in one of the female bodybuilders featured in the Martin Schoeller photography exhibition at the ACE Gallery in Beverly Hills. (We recommend not clicking on the thumbnails while eating, or having pleasant thoughts about the female body). Beyond just demonstrating an appreciation for their tank-like derrieres and rock-solid muscle-racks, that ear-to-ear grin on the Mayor's face was also a telling sign of the optimism he feels about his bold and controversial new citywide initiative, in which these living she-beasts will be placed on the front lines of the seemingly unwinnable L.A. gang wars.

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After hearing from Pink is the New Blog that Britney Spears is slated to guest-star in an episode of How I Met Your Mother, we fear that the CBS producers behind the idea haven't had the pleasure of sitting through her 2006 appearance on Will & Grace. W&G gave her the one role she wouldn't even have to "act" her way through--a perky television personality with a right-wing agenda--and she still made the episodes featuring J. Lo and Janet Jackson look downright Emmy-worthy. And despite sunny reports about the cast's read-through this morning (a source says Spears was "really funny" and "very professional"), TMZ is calling gimmick:

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Two-thirds of the American Idol grand jury stopped by The View today to promote their various side-projects (the completely pitchy-free Randy Jackson's Music Club, Volume 1 in stores now, dawg!) and dish about the greatest tournament in competitive karaoke history.

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Newly pregnant Lisa Marie Presley is filing a lawsuit against our favorite celebrity body part attacking rag, The Daily Mail, after they reported their disapproval of just how much junk she's packing in her trunk these days. And while the Mail's use of "packing on the pounds" and "gained weight just like her father Elvis" isn't the nicest way to describe her, we've heard much worse over the years. From Val Kilmer ("Batman To Fatman!") to Kirstie Alley ("Too Fat For Sex!"), we rounded up some of the nastier cover stories and worst beach body analyses to put poor Lisa Marie's hormone-filled mind at ease.

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If you're a lad who has often looked at pictures of Suicide Girls (unlikely to be safe for work, depending on how hip your workplace is) and thought "Hey, they're just like me - except I have a penis!" and wondered where you could send hot pics of your own moody, pouty, tattooed self for online perving by others, wonder no more. Apparently someone's decided to set up a male version called Ladykillers!

So I'm starting a project called Ladykillers. It's basically a male version of Suicide Girls, long overdue I say! I'm looking for males aged 18-35 with that "alternative" look (for lack of better word).

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· Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen and Leslie Mann will star in "Untitled Apatow Manchild Project" for Universal and Sony, providing ample opportunity for former Apatow-roomie Sandler to glimpse his director's flaccid manhood. [Variety]
· Mila Kunis will play opposite Mark Wahlberg in Max Payne, the movie version of the pulp noir videogame. Sadly, lack of cheat-codes will prevent audiences from seeing her blow some guy's brains out completely naked. [Link NSFW!] [Variety]

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Rocker/delusionist Courtney Love, has, according to the Sun, filed a report with the Van Nuys police department in which she claims to have been the victim of a massive identity theft operation. Among her allegations: That the thieves opened 188 credit cards (one for every voice in her head!) in her name, bilked Francis Bean's trust fund of $69 million, and purchased a $3.2 million home in New Brunswick using Kurt Cobain's social security number. TMZ did some sniffing, and found that the police had dismissed the case as imagined, and that Love had been "diagnosed with bipolar disorder." Which brings us to this response on her MySpace blog, where some of the most exciting advancements in the realm of post-linguistic lunatic theory are being made:

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Though Heath Ledger was busy racking up film roles in the years leading up to his death that fattened his wallet, there was one practical economic task he overlooked: updating his will. According to the Daily Mail, Ledger hadn't rewritten the document since 2003, one year before he met Michelle Williams on the set of Brokeback Mountain. As a result, the actor's sole beneficiaries will be his parents and now-estranged sisters, which leaves his daughter Matilda and Michelle out of the picture. But a surprising lack of assets in New York begs the question: how much did Ledger have to give, exactly?

"A series of documents filed in Manhattan Surrogate's Court revealed that the actor had less than $145,000 in New York assets at the time, including a $25,000 Toyota Prius and $20,000 in furniture and fixtures."

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After being subjected to a tribunal of fanboy elders, the accompanying poster has been verified as royal Lucas portraitist Drew Struzan's official one sheet for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Bearing all the hallmarks of a great Indy poster, our only quibble was that it left us wondering how a Latino version of the most dynamic member of the What's Happening!! cast figures into the action of Crystal Skull, as we have no recollection of a Mexican Rerun having appeared in the film's trailer.

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With its appealing template, risk-free poking opportunities, and wealth of human-bartering applications, its hardly a wonder that Facebook has really taken off in Hollywood circles. Best of all, its Status Updates feature lets you experience in real time the mundane ("Brad Grey is wondering how many times you have to say 'mustard on the side' before The Daily Grill begins to get it!"), the profound ("Diablo Cody is Diablo Cody is Diablo Cody is..."), the sublime highs ("James Cameron is telling you-- Avatar is going to blow your minds!"), and, in the above scenario, the painful lows of a life lived in the industry. Unfortunately, no amount of clicking by director Roger Kumble on College Road Trip's Rotten Tomatoes page is going to inch up that unlucky number 13%, or append the consensus "woefully short on comic imagination" with the phrase "but long on keenly inspired directorial flourishes!"

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As you recover from one of the more jarring daylight savings shifts in recent memory, try as hard as you can to avoid the stares of co-workers who can't help but notice you sporting your stubbornly punctual morning priapism. Perhaps the box office numbers will ease the transition:

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