Monday, March 10, 2008
Gyroscope Pen “New Unofficial Australian Anthem”; PerthNow Just Thrilled To Have Located MySpace On The Confusing And Somewhat Tricky Interweb
3:58PM Jess McGuire | Apparently Gyroscope have written a song called “Australia”, which seems to automatically grant it “anthem” status, even though, you know, in our opinion it sounds kinda whiny and boring. No offence, lads! We’re sure you’re nice guys with a sterling work ethic and hearts of gold, but Men At Work’s “Down Under” it’s not, you know? If we must do something as daft as automatically clutch a song named after our country to our collective national bosom, can it at least be “Australia” by The Shins?
In any case, you can listen to the song at the band’s MySpazz site.
What amused us most about the article was a misspelling which hasn’t been corrected 24 hours after we first spotted it (and 48 hours after it was first put online).
If it’s not a spelling error, we’re going to assume someone at PerthNow is extremely thrilled about having actually located and linked to one of those famous “MySpace” sites, and has – in the excitement of it all – lost the ability to form coherent sentences.
HERE THE SONG ON MYSPACE!!!1! WE DONE FOUND IT GOOD!!!1! YOU CLICKY LISTEN!!!1! INTERWEBS MAKE MAGIC!!!1! OMG!!1! More » 
YouTube Clip Of The Day
3:54PM Jess McGuire | To celebrate our undying adoration of Courtney Love and her rambling poorly spelled MySpace blog posts, let’s go back in time to 1995 and relive her infamous crashing of Madonna’s MTV interview (jump to about two and a half minutes in if you want to skip Madge playing it oh so cool and witness vintage Courtney Love).
More » Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Snort Coke Off Your Copy Of The New Testament…
2:11PM Jess McGuire | If your interests include rolling around in a pit of $100 bills and doing lines on the rock hard buttocks of Columbian rentboys, well – you may be in trouble in the afterlife. It would seem the Vatican have decided to update the Seven Deadly Sins, with the Rome massive adding “being obscenely wealthy” (presumably they can’t see the irony in this) and “taking or dealing drugs” to their list of mortal sins, along with a few other nasty acts they deem Hellworthy.
“New sins have appeared on the horizon of humanity as a corollary of the unstoppable process of globalisation,” Monsignor Girotti said.
“You offend God not only by stealing, blaspheming or coveting your neighbour’s wife – but also by ruining the environment, carrying out morally debatable scientific experiments, or allowing genetic manipulations which alter DNA or compromise embryos.”
The other “new” mortal sins included taking or dealing drugs and causing poverty or the “excessive accumulation of wealth by a few”, Monsignor Girotti said.
According to the Catholic Church, “immediately after death the souls of those who die in a state of mortal sin descend into Hell.”
What we’d like to know is – is there a cut off date for these mortal sins? You know. Like, if perhaps our favourite thing in the world to do was neck pills and inhale trucker speed but it wasn’t officially a mortal sin when we did it, are we in the clear as long as we don’t do it again? God. It’s all so confusing, this man-made religion stuff.
There are, of course, two positives regarding this story.
Firstly, we are impressed that the Vatican has finally noticed that society is a rapidly evolving beast, and the rules rich white dudes made up to control the masses 1400 years ago may not be as intimidating as they once were. Gluttony a deadly sin? Well, deadly is right – as pretty much any medical health professional will tell you, heart disease is a major cause of death amongst overfed unhealthy folk around the world! No, fear of an upsized Quarter Pounder meal sending you to Hell just won’t cut the mustard these days, especially when your average fatty is more terrified of what Bob and Jillian from The Biggest Loser would think of their eating habits than what Jesus would say about their late night calorie binges. We look forward to the Vatican updating their blog list of the worst moral failures to include “finding out your partner’s password and using it to login to their Gmail account”, “actually engaging in online fisticuffs”, and “watching and/or participating in late night game shows like The Mint”.
Secondly, there’s a chance we can finally get a sequel of this movie! We would most definitely pay money to go and watch 4teen in the plush comfortable armchairs of our local cinema. More » 
Cheery News For A Monday!
9:48AM Jess McGuire | We are most chuffed to discover that Channel Ten have bought the rights to the TV show Flight Of The Conchords and it will (at last, perhaps, just maybe – MAYBE!!!!!) end up being shown in Australia before the year is through!
After becoming an internet and TV sensation, and picking up a Grammy Award along the way, one can only wonder what the three more popular acts have achieved compared to Flight of the Conchords.
The comedy team/folk music duo of Bret McKenzie, 31, and Jemaine Clement, 34 are two Kiwis who worked clubs for years building up a cult following before getting their big break.
Their eponymous TV show portrays the pair trying to make it big in New York City after leaving New Zealand.
Each episode is punctuated with outbreaks of their quirky songs.
Network Ten has bought the rights to the TV series and may screen the show in Australia later this year.
If you need a reason to feel excited about being able to dive into the beautiful comic minds of Bret McKenzie and our future husband Jermaine Clement, we urge you to watch the following clip.
We hadn’t watched this in over a year (thanks to Ms Fits who originally gave us the gift of FOTC, incidentally), and now we’re swept up in sickly, sticky, stalky adoration of the lads again. More » 
Todd McKenney Caught Drink Driving!
9:10AM Jess McGuire | Tut tut, Todd McKenney. The Dancing With The Stars judge and breakfast radio host was sprung by police driving under the influence on Friday night.
The 42-year-old’s Friday night came to an abrupt end when he was pulled over for a random breath test – and allegedly blew over the legal limit. McKenney, who had been driving on Macquarie St in the city at 10.50pm was immediately arrested and then taken to Surry Hills police station for a further breath analysis.
…
He was re-tested and then allegedly found with a 0.05 alcohol reading. McKenney was charged with low-range drink driving and given a court attendance notice.
Naughty. Naturally, Todd is feeling worse for wear (and it’s not just the hangover).
“I am bitterly disappointed in myself this has happened,” he said. “I can’t believe this has happened.”
We’ll assume he’s referring to the drinking and driving, not just getting caught by the fuzz. More » 
Sydney Publicist Reveals A Well Timed Perve On Hugh Jackman Saved Her Life
8:50AM Jess McGuire | Hugh Jackman may not have directly jumped in front of publicist Virginia Kim’s vehicle and screamed “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP – IN ABOUT TWO SECONDS THERE’S GONNA BE A CRAZY DRIVER VEERING WILDLY OUT OF CONTROL ON THE ROAD!” in the literal sense, but apparently his chiseled movie star looks pretty much saved her life the other day.
Says Sydney Confidential -
Virginia Kim survived to tell her harrowing celebrity tale, when the car she was travelling to work in slowed to check out the Aussie actor having breakfast at Bills restaurant, Darlinghurst.
“He was kind enough to perch himself at the window table, looking very early morning scruffy but still very lush,” Kim said in an emotional email.
“As we drove past the window (for the third consecutive time), we slowed the car to an absolute crawl and came to a very early stop at the traffic light,” Kim wrote in the email.
“Two seconds later, a crazy out-of-control car came out of nowhere and crossed on to the wrong side of the road. Had we stopped where we were supposed to, it would have been a head-on collision.”
“Hugh Jackman’s good looks and our incapacity to take our eyes away literally saved our lives,” she gushed. “He’s the office hero.”
Wow. Stirring and emotional stuff, to be sure. This reminds us of the time Mariah Carey warned a friend of ours that the charter flight he’d planned during a holiday in South East Asia was destined for disaster, thus sparing him from a fiery end – and by that, we mean the time our friend decided to stay in bed and masturbate to Mariah Carey’s Playboy cover and ended up missing his early morning flight by ten minutes.
Hugh, Mariah – we salute you. More » 
Corey, There’s A Lovely Young Lady We’d Like You To Meet…
8:50AM Jess McGuire | Although Britain’s Gemma Anscomb can’t quite lure in the impressively high number of punters to a party that Corey Worthington/Delaney/MySpazz can (the alleged Narrewarren 300 being hard to top), we’d say the quality of the damage she caused to her parent’s home after throwing a wild knees up while her folks were away more than makes up for the measly 50-something number of attendees to her do.
Highlights – or perhaps we should say lowlights – of Gemma’s party include -
· A drugged out dog named Bailey (“He did eventually wake up, but for days he was very quiet, hardly moved and wouldn’t eat his food,” revealed a visibly distressed Mrs Anscomb yesterday. – and probably had a nasty bout of the Suicide Tuesdays to boot, poor pup. Drugging pets is not cool, kids!)
· Group sex on a washing machine.
· A £600 fridge scratched to bits with a knife.
· Beautiful cream carpet turned to black (“..soaked through with alcohol, mud, cigarette ends and chewing gum.”)
· A dining room with a floor covered with four inches of beer (what a waste of perfectly good beer! Youngsters these days…)
· An eight year old girl’s bedroom used for illicit sexings, with underwear left between the sheets and a pair of handcuffs remaining after the kinky jamberoo.
· A sixway shag session in the parent’s bedroom.
· Perhaps most horrifying of all, 57 (57!!!!!) calls made on the home phone. And not a penny left to cover costs.
Read the whole story here.
Gemma, like Corey, has revealed she has no regrets about the party, stating on her Bebo page “Yeahh it [the party] went wrong but it was well good. . . I mean it was f****** good.”, and – once again, like Corey – she hasn’t returned home to face the wrath of her oldies.
We recommend the pair hook up on one of those social networking sites immediately. One poke leading to the odd message, and before you know it – it’ll be the international teen wedding of the century. And imagine the reception! It’ll be epic! More » 