Saturday, March 8, 2008
Chyna, We Think We’ll Miss You Most Of All
11:00AM Seth | It’s Celebrity Rehab graduation, and without giving away too much, we’ll just say that it’s never too late for a breakthrough. Our favorite American Idol Season 7 moment so far, in handy animated gif form. Holy shit! Scubacar! It’s official: Jermaine Jackson’s transformation into the creepy Nipsey Russell Tinman from The Wiz that used to give us nightmares as a kid is complete. Lisa Marie Presley didn’t want to have tell you about the pregnancy this way, but now that you’ve all had a good laugh at those fat pictures…Fine! It’s baby weight! Are you satisfied now? And finally, someone sent this to us, asking, “Is this a tip?” We really have no idea, so we throw it out to you. Is this a tip? More »
Defamer Transcription Service Presents: A Visit With The Trumps
9:45AM Seth | Trump: Barron, say hello to the group. Barron: Haawdow! Trump: And Barron hopefully some day will be a great entrepreneur. Melania, what do you think? Melania: [Unintelligible] Vot vant do ven you grau up? Barron: Beeednees. [Laughter] Melania: Beeezneesman. Zats riiiight. Like you daddee? Trump: That is pretty amazing actually. Barron: Daddee! Melania: Daddee’s a beezneesman. And vot doz daddee beeldeeng? Barron: House. Melani: Chauuuus. Trump: He’s doing well. Just 18 months old… Carol: Wow. Trump: …and he’s doing really well. More »
Having Officially Run Out Of Solids To Snort, Celebrities Turn To The Liquid ‘Gas Chamber’
9:29AM Molly Friedman | What exactly is a star to do when they’ve run out of things to snort up their much-abused noses? The Nesquik-laced coke trend had some buzz for awhile but quickly got old. Then Keith Richards tried an even more inventive trick by blowing rails constructed from his daddy’s ashes. And let’s not forget Steve-O, who decided snorting wasabi would make for a grand old time. But the award for most logical next snortable substance of choice must go to Amy Winehouse (surprise!), who recently kickstarted a brand new trend in nose candy parlor games with Kelly Osbourne in London this week. Details on the rules and regulations for a fun little lethal game called Gas Chamber after the jump. More »
John Ritter’s Chilling Final Phone Call: ‘I Ate Some Pork Left Out In The Sun’
9:04AM Mark Graham | Feeling hungry? Try snacking on this week’s Dirt Sandwich, a wild and woolly compilation of the moments in celebrity infotainment programming that made us simultaneously groan, chuckle and hurl this week. As always, we force politely ask Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer to watch this dreck all week so you don’t have to. This week’s highlights/lowlights include audio transmissions of John Ritter’s surprisingly mundane final phone call to his wife (”I ate some pork left out in the sun”) and the touching story of how Dancing With The Star’s Marlee Matlin draws inspiration from a troupe of hearing-impaired ballerinas. Enjoy! More »
Ashton Kutcher To Fix It So You Never Believe Anything You Read About That Paris Hilton Whore Again
8:48AM Seth | Finally! Someone has the guts to stand up for the world’s downtrodden hotel heiresses, whose only desire is that they be left to live their lives in peace, free from the flashbulb-popping scavengers of the celebrity media. That’s what has emerged from the recent photos published just about everywhere–including here–of Paris Hilton, accompanied by what turns out was not her guru, but an actor hired to fool us into thinking as much by Ashton Kutcher’s new prank series, Pop Fiction:
The Tale of Barbara Walters, Miley Cyrus, And The Golden Toilet
8:26AM Molly Friedman | While we certainly hope that the ladies of The View are ladylike when it comes to using the ladies’ rooms at other lady celebrities’ houses [Ed. Note - That's a lot of ladies!], the same can’t be said for the men who man Barbara Walters’ camera crew. In this clip, Walters politely told the story of how her visit to Casa Cyrus for her (barely watched) Oscar special turned into a literal shitshow, with toilets overflowing and Miley’s “very nicely attractive mother” Tish bitterly hissing under her breath that she didn’t mind one bit. But the icing on the shitcake is the way in which the Cyrus clan says “Thanks For Visiting, Come Again Soon!”, which, in a surprising twist, does not come in the form of a Hallmark card, but rather an engraved tchotchke in the shape of a golden toilet. More »
How To Bite It Glamorously: A Photo Essay Starring Sarah Jessica Parker
7:44AM Molly Friedman | Maybe this is exactly what Sarah Jessica Parker deserves for toiling around fake city streets in stilettos and making it look effortless, resulting in hordes of tween girls mimicking the fierceness and wobbling around like fawlty towers. While shooting her 179th Vogue spread somewhere in Manhattan, the tiny dancer fell so far over on her tiny rump that the masses narrowly missed the opportunity to see exactly which style of wax Parker instructs her aesthetician to design (we’re picturing a mini SATC logo, but on second thought, we’d rather not picture anything at all). More photos of the much-ballyhooed tumble after the jump. More »
Bruce Willis Man Enough To Pull Off Lavender
7:20AM Seth | PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often–the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line so we don’t lose them) and tell everyone about the time you stumbled upon Ian Ziering getting a pedicure in a Hollywood strip mall. More »
‘The Departed’ Gang Back For A ‘Chaser’
6:46AM Seth | Warner Bros. snapped up the rights to South Korean hit The Chaser, with The Departed writer William Monahan set to write the adaption, and Leonardo DiCaprio and the Really Obvious Departed Rat “circling to star.” [Variety] John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph will star in an untitled “relationship comedy” written by Dave Eggers and his wife Vendela Vida, bringing Eggers one terrifying step closer to writing a Matthew McConaughey-Kate Hudson vehicle. [Variety] More »
