March 5, 2008

Simon Cowell Plans 'Billy Elliot'-Style Movie About Opera-Singing Talent Quest Entrant With Bad Teeth; In Other News, Pop Has Eaten Itself

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 3:34 PM on March 5, 2008

simonc.jpgSimon Cowell clearly has both a) too much money and b) too much time on his hands, as his latest little game to amuse himself is to put wheels in motion for an Inspirational™ flick about one of his discoveries, "opera singer" Paul Potts from Britain's Got Talent. (If you have no idea who or what this is, see his audition here. Then get a real one up ya!)

Just briefly, we'd like to continue today's unintentional and slightly worrying theme of opera-related stories put in our two cents, which is that Potts is not an opera singer, and rather a shower singer who happened to be able to finesse a largely imitative cover of Nessun Dorma and a few other light classics (see also: Damien Leith), and that there's more to a compellingly cinematic story of reaching your dreams than unfortunate dentistry and a boring day job.

In any case! Here's what Cowell has to say about it all:

The singing sensation has gone on to sell 3million copies of his debut album "One chance" and is set to headline 65 concert dates in 13 countries.

Cowell told Daily Variety: "That particular day was one of the worst, the acts were just terrible, we were fed up and on comes this guy with a funny little suit and bad teeth who looked very nervous.

"I can remember looking at the other judges, with that 'here we go again' feeling. We had 2,000 people in the audience, and I'll never forget how much the room changed when he began singing."

Cowell's UK based production company, SyCo, will team up with Hollywood to develop the film, who endorsed the project after watching a YouTube clip of the singer.

"Most of these calls result in absolutely nothing, but this company got that it's another 'Billy Elliot,' a story anyone in the world can understand."

Who do you think Simon "Not At All Interested In His Own Navel" Cowell will request to play him?

We'd like to see the project handballed to Lars Von Trier, who turns it into a gritty tale of a hard-knock life touched by the beauty of music but ultimately crushed by tragedy, starring Ray Winstone as Potts and Clive Owen as Simon Cowell - but we're more likely to get Simon Pegg as Potts, Steve Carrell as Simon Cowell, directed by the Wayans Brothers and with cameo appearances by Jessica Simpson, Jade Goody and Andy Dick.

Your Hilarious (And Yet, Cultured) Headline Of The Day

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 3:18 PM on March 5, 2008

You know, here in Australia, the whole opera business is pretty subdued. Sure, we had Operatunity! - which was compelling in a particularly no-frills, ABC manner - but our opera "stars" keep a reasonably low profile and in general it's just something you occasionally frock up to go and see, or something that teenage boys whinge about when it appears in the opening ceremonies of their favourite sporting events.

We wish it were more like it appears to be in the UK, if the following story is anything to go by:

Picture 88.png

Evidently Juan Pablo di Pace agreed to a gig posing nude in a lavish photoshoot to promote the Royal Opera's production of Rigoletto (no, not the spaghetti sauce, you philistines), figuring he was at the time performing in the opera and it was good exposure - er, not in that way, but we see what you did there - only to find that the art department had, well, reduced his package considerably:

He claims a crucial part of his anatomy has been air-brushed unflatteringly, making it appear much smaller than it is in real life.

In fact, the opera house has been accused of "shrinking" his manhood so much in a 2005 version of the poster that it "made it look like he barely had one at all".

As a result of the complaints made by 28-year-old di Pace's lawyers, who also claimed he had not been paid for use of the image, the Royal Opera House has agreed to stop using the poster.

Poor love, we can see where he's coming from - you can inspect his tackle here in the original artwork, and we almost feel an NSFW warning is unnecessary because, well, there's not much that's NS about poor Juan Pablo's airbrushed bits.

If it's any consolation, Juan Pablo, based on the other photo supplied (i.e. of your face), and knowing that it's not what you got, it's how you use it, we'd still hit it!

Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Two Thousand And Great!

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 3:02 PM on March 5, 2008

showimg.jpgLord, lord, lord... In case you didn't already think that Amy's case of "impetigo", or the news that Blake Fielder-Civil self-harms when Amy doesn't make her prison visits on time (according to a prison "source" quoted in the article below, "he is cut to ribbons but carries on gashing his arms with razor blades"), was bad enough, how about this corker: Gordon Smart from Bizarre reckons the sore on Amy's face is from... stubbing a fag out on her cheek!

Winner!

The troubled star was with pals when she was asked THREE TIMES by staff to put out her Marlboro Light because of the smoking ban.

As she received her final warning, Amy stared straight into the waitress’s eyes and pushed the burning tip of the fag into her own face.

A source at the diner said: “She hardly flinched because she was so high. The whole place was open-mouthed in horror.”

Amy tried to conceal the wound with foundation — but it has now apparently become infected, causing the swelling on her cheek.

Well, we don't really know what to make of it all. We'd love to say, "Psht, that Smartarse (GEDDIT) is just making up stories", but given Amy and Blake's history, unfortunately it's more likely to be the cold, hard truth than it is to be a wildly inaccurate rumour started in the subeditor's office.

Don't do drugs, kids! Or, at least, don't do them with Amy Winehouse or Blake Fielder-Civil!

Interesting Pieces Of Trivia Acquired From Wikipedia

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 2:40 PM on March 5, 2008

brianmcfadden.jpgWikipedia is excellent. When it's not being used as a sweet place for its founder to pick up ladies , it's a veritable hotbed of interesting information - some of it true!

And so it is with great pleasure we launch what we hope will be an ongoing series (though in all likelihood, it probably won't be - we are easily distracted and... hey! Look over there! Shiny thing sparkling in the sun!) - Interesting Pieces Of Trivia Acquired From Wikipedia!

To kick things off, here's some stuff we didn't know about the future Mr Delta Goodrem, ex-Westlife member Brian "Bryan" McFadden, courtesy of his Wikipedia entry.

· He worked as a security guard in McDonalds and as a bingo caller before finding fame with Westlife!
· McFadden performed with Westlife as Bryan because it made signing autographs easier for him!
· He is a passionate Collingwood Magpies supporter in the AFL, and said "I know I might risk sales by saying this in Australia, but I am a passionate Collingwood supporter and, yes, surprisingly I still have all my teeth"!
· He plays for an Australian Rules side in Sydney's Castle Hill!

And there you have it.

Streaker Says "Getting Pounced Upon By Andrew Symonds Was Just Like Playing Footy, Except Even More Homoerotic!"

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 2:11 PM on March 5, 2008

We are pleased to hear that the bloke who streaked during a cricket match last night at the Gabba has no regrets about the incident.

A streaker knocked to the ground by an Andrew Symonds shoulder charge at the Gabba last night said today he wasn't sorry for his actions - because "you only live once". Robert Murray David Ogilvie, 26, of Park Ridge South, today pleaded guilty in Brisbane Magistrates Court to one count each of interfering with a person engaged in sport and wilful obscene exposure.

Is there actually a law against "interfering with a person engaged in sport"? We had no idea!

He said he would not make an official complaint about Symonds' shoulder charge, which knocked him off his feet during the 10th over of Australia's innings in their one-day final loss to India.

"It was just like playing football, really," the underground miner, who earns $4000 per month, quipped when asked what it felt like when he was knocked to the ground by the big Queensland all-rounder.

"Underground miner" presumably not being a euphemism for something far more naughty.

Terrific, Another Sports Show! Just What We Needed!

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 1:51 PM on March 5, 2008

hamishmc.jpgChannel Seven, obviously sensing a complete lack of anything similar on the telly, have just announced a new weekly footy panel show called AFL Game Day.

AFL Game Day will tackle all the big footy issues, review and preview the weekend’s games and have a bit of fun along the way.

TV newcomer and footy nut Hamish McLachlan will host the show, featuring some of the best names in football on the panel. Leading AFL journalists will also join the panel, along with special guest stars from the football and media world.

Ah, Hamish McLachlan - footy nut, ex-boyfriend of Livinia Nixon, and current squeeze of Giann Rooney

TV Tonight has penned some interesting words in regards to Hamish McLachlan's appointment as host.

But Seven, in announcing McLachlan as host, neglected to mention he was also a director of the ill-fated AFL Hall of Fame (now World of Fame) exhibition at Melbourne's QV Shopping Centre. It was beset by controversy, financial liquidation and allegations of conflicts of interest.

Just two months after opening, the $14 million museum and interactive games centre was placed in the hands of administrators after running out of capital and in severe debt.

More over at TV Tonight.

Purchase Your Own Breakfast Radio Host For The Night!

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 12:04 PM on March 5, 2008

marieke.jpgWe were amused to learn yesterday that Triple J Breakfast host The Doctor has decided to pop partner in crime Marieke Hardy up on eBay, a la ScarJo. Radio fans (and, if you're more old school, scary blogstalkers) will be thrilled to discover that the winner of this eBay auction will receive the following...

A night with Marieke Hardy!

The successful bidder will receive a night out on the tiles with slightly shop-soiled radio host, Marieke Hardy from Triple J's Breakfast Program; Robbie, Marieke and the Doctor. Included in the night* will be:

2 tickets to taping of First Tuesday Book Club

1 dink on the Doctor's bicycle to the studio (no hills)

1 Miner's elastic headlight to read by

1 packet vegan party franks from the Triple J fridge

1 rendition of a Tom Waits song by Marieke, Scarlett Johannsen-style

All money goes to registered charity to be agreed upon by successful bidder and Marieke.

Note: the date ends at 8:20pm, Marieke's bed time.

We just spoke to Marieke on the phone in order to confirm everything was actually "fo shizz" and not just a hilarious gag, and informed her that the current highest bid was now $1,025.

"NO WAY!", she shrieked, and yelled to her producer "Hey, the auction's up to $1,025!"

We then heard the voice of her disbelieving producer Amelia hollering back "WHAT? WHO IS DOING THIS?"

We have no idea.

If you'd like a night with Marieke Hardy, get bidding - the auction closes on the 11th March. We can personally vouch that she will corrupt you you'll have a delightful time. Warning though, you may have to sit through her talking endlessly about her love of Maroon 5.

We Are A Bit Worried About Our Antipodean Cousins

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 11:59 AM on March 5, 2008

westlife.jpgWe realise New Zealand is a unique and wonderful country, full of breathtaking landscape, more dub and reggae than anyone with a raging hangover can handle (that's experience talking, folks), and messed up vowels. Whatever. We happily embrace their Shortland Street-lovin' ways, and will in fact be "touring" the country in June which will no doubt result in some bewildered sounding posts amazing Serious Travel Journalism.

But here's something we can't quite fathom or forgive - Westlife is still, inexplicably, massive over there.

Irish boy band Westlife's Wellington concert on May 9 has sold out in just three hours. The 4000 tickets for the concert at TSB Bank Arena went on sale at 9am on Saturday and all were gone by lunchtime. The band formed in 1998 and has had 14 No 1 hits in Britain.

Yes, 14 No 1 hits in Britain - and every one of them guaranteed to cause sterility/aural cat AIDS/etc.

Princess Eugenie Scrubs Up Pretty Well!

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 11:35 AM on March 5, 2008

scubbingupwell.jpgThe Daily Mail has reported Fergie's youngest child Princess Eugenie has just sat for her first official portrait, and it's fair to say the results are rather pleasing for all involved. We imagine this photo is going straight to her Facebook account (MySpazz being dead and all).

It is pleasing to note that Eugenie's saintliness (and newly embraced inner hottie) has not been tarnished by her association with "undesirables" like Bob Geldof's offspring...

Unlike her cousins, William and Harry, the nearest Eugenie has come to a public scandal was being turned away from the VIP section at a music festival two years ago because the bouncer didn't believe she was a princess.

That's not to say she doesn't have her moments and with a possy of dubious friends including Peaches and Pixie Geldof, it's no surprise that her own father admits she had been a "tearaway" at times.

Would that be Pixie Geldof, Eugenie's red hot lesbian lover?

Britain's Princess Eugenie has posted a loving message to Sir Bob Geldof's daughter Pixie, on the internet site Facebook. The 17-year-old princess jokingly calls the 16-year-old rocker's daughter her "lover" and says she can't wait to see her again.

Eugenie wrote on Pixie's personal Facebook page: "Am seeing you in less than two days after it being nearly a year and I feel that is hideous behavior from both is us. Can't handle another year with no love from my lover."

She then ends the message with 20 kisses.

10 kisses is hilarious japery. Fifteen, maybe bi-curious experimentation. But everyone knows that ending a playful Facebook wall post with 20 goddamn kisses is pretty much as close to fully-fledged Ellenism as one can get.

Moving on. Let us turn to a commenter on the Daily Mail's website for a nice summary of Eugenie's spunky Tatler turn.

After the makeover, she looks the best.

- Ms D.Lee, Hong Kong

Indeed, Ms D. Lee of Hong Kong. Indeed.

YouTube Clip Of The Day

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 11:13 AM on March 5, 2008

Today's clip isn't amusing in the slightest (unless Kim Salmon does something weird to your funny bone) but it is a fantastic Australian song we'd totally forgotten about.


Posted by Mark Graham at 9:42 AM on March 5, 2008

While she may not be a "power lesbian" publicist on the scale of Ellen Page's notoriously hard-assed rep Kelly Bush, Radar is reporting that Sandra Bernhard's longtime ladyfriend, Sara Switzer, may have used her clout as a Vanity Fair publicist to secure Bernhard a spot in VF's upcoming spread of twelve Chicks With Schticks (their pun, not ours). Now that that mystery has been solved, we can move onto the more pressing matter of finding out how Chelsea Handler got herself included on this list. After all, last time we checked, Ted Harbert hadn't vacated his post as the President and CEO of the Comcast Entertainment Group for the colder East Coast confines of Condé Nast. [Radar]

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While Leaving Nobu, Courtney Cox Warns Patrons To Pass On The Kappa Roll

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 9:30 AM on March 5, 2008

Defamer Does L'oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival: Day Two

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 9:25 AM on March 5, 2008

David-Bowie-Fashion-28452.jpgDefamer Australia is by now existing solely on promotional ice-creams and mineral water and chewed up paper from the pages of Vogue, all so we can continue to bring you the news from L'Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival. We spent another evening installed at Central Pier's lavish Paris Runway thrilling to the front row and the catwalk. So, put on that Anna Wintour wig we know you keep in the top drawer for times like this, and read on for your daily dose...

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21 Accents

Posted by Mark Graham at 9:15 AM on March 5, 2008

· Tonight, we point the viral video spotlight on aspiring actress Amy Walker, who gives us a delightful vocal tour of twenty-one different vocal accents in just under two-and-a-half minutes. If only this woman had been around to give Kevin Costner a few pointers before shooting Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves! [YouTube]
· Best Week Ever counts down the Top 20 stupid faces made by Patrick Swayze in Ghost. We're partial to numbers 11, 8 and 3. [Best Week Ever]
· A warning: those of you who haven't built up your tolerance to heavy pancake makeup jobs best avoid clicking to see these up close and personal pictures of Katherine Heigl. [Egotastic]
· Fortunately for Will Ferrell, kid reviewer par excellence Sexman liked Semi-Pro WAY more than Jumper. [YouTube via /Film]
· Nerdy boys who came of age during the late `70s and early `80s will surely shed a few tears when they learn that Gary Gygax, the creator of Dungeons & Dragons, passed away earlier today. True story: a young Uncle Grambo once mailed a manuscript for an adventure that a friend and I concocted to his Lake Geneva, WI home (unfortch, we never heard back). Regardless, we'll be rolling our 20-sided die and pouring out a mug of mead tonight in his honor. [Vulture]

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David Caruso Bullies Young Director Into Shooting Umpteenth Sunglasses Removal Scene

Posted by Mark Graham at 9:08 AM on March 5, 2008

By now, seemingly every pop culture pundit worth their weight in punchlines has latched onto the high comedic value of David Caruso's effusive stylings on CSI: Miami. In particular, The Soup's Joel McHale has taken extreme delight in (and created a cottage industry from) Caruso's patented "I'm going to hastily remove my sunglasses while I deliver this one-liner" maneuver. But until we read this insider's account of Caruso's excruciating acting process on Popbitch, the TV viewer in us always just kind of naively assumed that these moments happened semi-serendipitously. But boy oh boy, were we ever wrong:

David Caruso asks [the show's director] when there will be a close up of [his] sunglasses - in every scene.

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Posted by Seth at 8:52 AM on March 5, 2008

Breaking! More news from the front lines of what some are already calling the Great CAA Egg Roll Fire of 2008. Another reader reports: "Ironically, I am told the egg roll caught fire in the microwave. HR removed all CAA's toaster ovens months ago...(wait for it), 'fire hazard,' they said. Is no one safe?" Clearly, the carefully calibrated CAA microwaves, set to cook a fresh baby to perfection in its own steamer bag with a mere two clicks of the potato button, as a commenter once pointed out, were not equipped to handle something as small as an egg roll. Developing...

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Lily Allen Is Quite Displeased With The Paparazzi

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 8:50 AM on March 5, 2008

lilyalllllen.jpgIt's fair to say that while some of us might like to claim 2008 as our own personal two-thousand-and-hate, in Lily Allen's case there's a legitimate bone to pick with the gods after her fairly awful start to the year. That said, Lily's still been blogging on MySpace throughout her annus horribilis, and she's used the medium as a way to lash out at photographers.

From Le Spazz -

If you see photos in the press or online of my car window being "smashed by vandals", I just want you to know that it was one of the many paparazzi who were following us who did it.

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'Live And Let Live, Prudes!' Says 'Idol' Producer Asked To Respond To GayStripperGate

Posted by Seth at 8:15 AM on March 5, 2008

The producers of American Idol offer their official reaction to Idol producer Ken Warwick:

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A Rare Glimpse At All The Fun You Missed At Madonna And Demi Moore's Oscar Party

Posted by Seth at 8:14 AM on March 5, 2008

We realize Academy Awards season seems light years away, but a series of photobooth-style pictures taken at Madonna and Demi Moore's A-to-the-power-of-A-list Oscars night bash have surfaced in Australian celebrity news magazine New Idea. (How they got their hands on them is a story unto itself, requiring a 28-inch dwarf to be smuggled into the proceedings via dessert cart, crawl inside the mechanized contraption, and collect the still-wet strips as quickly as they could be spit out.) In the snapshots, you can spy some of the world's most famous faces--your P. Diddys, your O.Bloomies--mugging shamelessly for the camera, usually in the vicinity of a twice-as-nutty Rumer Willis, who was allowed to join in on the fun after stepdad Ashton Kutcher offered some strong, "Yes, this is my daughter, now please step aside, rent-a-cop" words for ill-prepared event security.

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If You Have The Means, Michael Keaton's Sweaty 'Batman' Codpiece Can Be Yours

Posted by Molly Friedman at 8:11 AM on March 5, 2008

Got an extra six grand lying around with nothing to consume? Well, the folks at Guernsey's Auction House will be happy to solve your fiscal problem. What could possibly be more fulfilling than spending those benjamins on a previously worn wife-beater with holes in it, coupled with silk purple and maroon pants? Not buying it? Well, what if we told you said ensemble was worn by Jim Carrey in the legendary bird-calling scene from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. And if you roll higher than that, say with 100 grand taking up space in your wife's shoe closet, get your ass to Vegas on March 15th because Michael Keaton's likely-sweat-drenched Batman Returns costume awaits. What else will the Pugliese Pop Culture Collection feature? More offerings, prices and images follow after the jump.

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Dina Lohan's Dreadful Dreams Come True Now That 'Living Lohan' Reality Show Gets Picked Up

Posted by Molly Friedman at 7:50 AM on March 5, 2008

We are deeply saddened to report that momager, pimp and our very own white Oprah, Ms. Dina Lohan, has signed with E! to film her long-lusted after reality show. According to the network's official press release, we shall be forced to view Dina's attempts to jumpstart the other ones' (Ali and Cody) careers in showbiz, and they'll tell you why the torturous Living Lohan is necessary:

"This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining."
Frankly, we can't argue with the E! mouthpiece. However, we have our fingers crossed that Dina's show ends up nothing like the mind-fuck Michael Lohan reality show pitch that we have clipped for you.

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Posted by Seth at 7:44 AM on March 5, 2008

Sometimes, all it takes is something relatively insignificant--say, the firing of two proton torpedoes down a thermal exhaust port that leads directly to a reactor core, or an overcooked chinese appetizer--to fell the seemingly invulnerable. This just in from a Defamer operative stationed in the vicinity of the CAA Death Star: "Not sure if you heard, but apparently the caa bldg. was evacuated because someone burnt an egg roll in a toaster oven and it set off the fire alarm." We encourage further eyewitness accounts of the burnt-egg-roll carnage (and baby-flavored dipping sauces) that brought operations at Hollywood's most powerful institution to a grinding halt.

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Val Kilmer Prepares for the Malibu Fun Run

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 7:20 AM on March 5, 2008

The Newly Sober Lindsay Lohan Thinks Eli Roth Is 'Too Old' To Copulate With

Posted by Mark Graham at 6:54 AM on March 5, 2008


Lindsay Lohan doesn't have a rep for being the picky type when it comes to bumping uglies. Considering that her post-hab dating history includes flings with a snowboarder with debatable level of attractiveness and the perpetually frowny faced Sam Ronson, Lindsay has proven time and time again that it takes little more than the promise of a keybump or twelve to get inside her cokepants. Which is why we find ourselves cracking up at the way that leading Hollywood torture-pornographer Eli Roth's recent run-in with La Lohan went down, an encounter he detailed on his MySpace:

I was having drinks with a friend at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other night, and Lindsay Lohan walked by our booth with a girlfriend, checking us out. She then went out to the bathroom, turned around, came back and walked by us again, and mumbled to her friend "too old," and kept walking.

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Alison Lohman To Femme-Up Sam Raimi's 'Drag Me To Hell'

Posted by Seth at 6:15 AM on March 5, 2008

· Alison Lohman has taken the lead in Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell, a role recently vacated by increasingly picky Friend of K.D. Ellen Page. [Variety]
· Hollywood EmploymentWatch: Unlike shitcanning-happy The CW, TNT is beefing up its original programming, with a goal of launching "all-original Monday-Wednesday primetime lineup by 2010." [Variety]
· The Weinstein Co. optioned Rita Marley's autobiography No Woman No Cry: My Life With Bob Marley for a screen treatment set for a 2009 release. Cate Blanchett is in talks to play both halves of this moving, musical love story, as well as a young Ziggy. (We now acknowledge that the hacky "Cate Blanchett can play anything" jokes were pretty much put to rest at the Oscars, and move on.) [Variety]
· The Genies, aka The Oscars of the North™, give Sarah Polley's Away From Her and David Cronenberg's Eastern Promises seven trophies each, worth far more on the open awards market now that the U.S. economy is in the shitter. [THR]
· CBS picked up a "cast-contingent order" of Single White Millionaire, a sitcom pilot from Family Guy writer Ricky Blitt about "an unassuming millionaire in his thirties who is ready to settle down." No word on who they're eyeing for the lead, but may we offer up Fat K-Fed? Think about it for a second: It's kind of perfect. [THR]

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Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie In No Holds Barred Glossy Mag Sales Contest

Posted by Molly Friedman at 5:52 AM on March 5, 2008

With hot-headed debates regarding the sales of (People! Exclusive!!) Christina Aguilera's baby blabber cover story in January versus (People! Exclusive!!) Nicole Richie's baby blabber cover last week, the chattering newsies are heatedly trying to get to the bottom of a quasi-intellectual argument about fame and newsstand sales. According to an MSNBC source, the Richie issue "sold more than 1.8 million copies...whereas Aguilera's has sold far less." But why the greater public interest in the ostensibly careerless Richie, as opposed to the Grammy award-winning Aguilera? Apparently, weekly readers like them some knocked up druggies and the weeklies know it:

"She's gone public about being a heroin addict. Her boyfriend is covered in tattoos. By default, she's got the more interesting baby."

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The Day The CW Laughter Died

Posted by Seth at 5:25 AM on March 5, 2008

Bastard toddler network The CW has had a bit of a rough time rebounding after the writers strike, its slate failing to find traction with an audience comprised almost entirely of easily distracted tweenagers and confused elderly disappointed to learn they hadn't found a new home for Hee Haw reruns. Six of their series recently learned they had been spared the guillotine, including the always-dependable America's Next Top Model, the under-performing Gossip Girl, and the hanging-by-a-thread Everybody Hates Chris; sadly, however the same could not be said for 25 ill-fated staffers just handed their pink slips--curiously enough, printed on the netlet's branded green. From Variety:

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Hey, That's My Bike

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 5:05 AM on March 5, 2008

Posted by Mark Graham at 5:00 AM on March 5, 2008

Yesterday, we debuted our new feature, "A Call to the Bullpen," without much explanation. While this was intentional, we'll take the opportunity now to give you, the loyal Defamer audience, a bit of context about the vibe we're aiming for with it. "A Call to the Bullpen" is our humble attempt to break up the day's regular posting schedule with a weird or interesting (or weirdly interesting) celebrity photo, one that we'll pair with a song and a bit of caption. Basically, it's the Defamer equivalent to the Kiss Cam you tend to see at Dodgers or Lakers games, only instead of showing kids frenching to "What I Like About You," we'll show you a photo of Lindsay Lohan stumbling out of Villa scored with a Three 6 Mafia song or Spoon tune. That's it! With that, please enjoy the next installment...

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Will 'Cashmere Mafia' Soon Be Sleeping With The Fishes?

Posted by Molly Friedman at 4:42 AM on March 5, 2008

As soon as deals were signed, sealed and delivered for SATC brainchildren Candace Bushnell and Darren Star to helm their own interchangeable shows on rival networks, the claws were out. Rumors of fights between the former successful partners, publicly voiced dismissals of the others' futures in primetime, and an overall tension among loyal SATC viewers concerned about their iconic creators' feud led to a predictable race-to-the-finish come winter pilot season. And now, according to the NY Daily News, we may have a winner. Today's rumor on which Menopause And The City spinoff is most likely to bite the dust first, after the jump...

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'Idol' Controversies Kick Into High Gear With Gay-Lapdance Confirmations And Videotaped Wishes For Santa-Rape

Posted by Seth at 4:16 AM on March 5, 2008

We've expressed some frustration that American Idol hasn't yet given us more to work with by way of controversies, but we're happy to say that today brings some solid progress in that department. For starters, we have official confirmation via AP report that dark horse contestant David Hernandez once made a living giving dark horsey rides:

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EW's Most 'Dateable' Small-Screen Players Make Us Swoon And Squirm

Posted by Molly Friedman at 3:48 AM on March 5, 2008

Every TV nut (well, isn't that all of us here?) has, at one point or another, spent a little time fantasizing about certain fictional characters on their favorite shows. These fantasies tend to be either soft-focus daydreams (say, dreaming up elaborate schemes in which they "bump" into you at a party) or something a bit more hard-core (picturing them while giving your significant other the old in-out). On that note, the clever list-makers over at EW decided to compile a Top 30 reader's choice collection of the small-screen boys and girls who most frequently make cameos in those illicit fantasies. But, with no offense to the site's readers, we have some serious vetoes to charge. After the jump, our picks for who falls under Strongly Agree (the predictable Jim Halpert) and those we brand as a Vehemently Disagree (four words: Bree. Van. De. Camp), as well as the most erroneous, mind-boggling oversight missing from the group:

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Report: K-Fed Fat

Posted by Seth at 3:19 AM on March 5, 2008

Having fallen victim to an extremely common pitfall for any parent locked in a protracted, anxiety-inducing divorce, closet stress-eater Kevin Federline was captured recently on a local fairway sporting a hefty paunch and a sprouting set of cankles. The implications, of course, are staggering, as the former couchhusband and background krumper will soon find that his newly zaftig frame will overwhelm his garment of choice, leaving this wife-beater-enthusiast with an enormous, virtually useless pile of skewed cotton tank tops. (That is, until a lightbulb moment lands them on eBay, billed as an exciting new line of slightly used K-Fed maternity wear.)

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And The Award For Cutest New Non-Couple In Universe Goes To: Amy Adams and Kenneth The Page

Posted by Molly Friedman at 3:00 AM on March 5, 2008

On Sunday night in New York, paps caught redheaded star Amy "No, I'm Not Isla Fisher" Adams leaving the romantic West Village hotspot Paris Commune with someone that we initially thought might have been her little brother visiting from out of town. But then we caught a glimpse of that infamous ear-to-ear grin that 30 Rock's Jack McBrayer has won the world's love with, and couldn't help but embarrassingly reflect it ourselves. Exiting arm in arm, and judging by Jack's toothier-than-ever mug, the duo couldn't look more adorable. But! Pictures after the jump sadly ruin our plans to send a cappuccino machine to the NBC set...

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