By now we're used to Our Winegums occasionally stepping out looking, shall we say, a little less than perfect, but her current incarnation is possibly taking that all a little too far - in short, it looks like she's picked up Bubonic Plague during one of her night-walks through London.

According to her publicist, however, the truth is even tastier than that - Amy's got cooties!

A spokesman for Amy told the newspaper: "Amy has been diagnosed with impetigo which she's been told can be highly contagious. Because of that she's been put on antibiotics and may have to stay home alone for the next few days."

Impetigo is an infection of the skin caused by a bacteria which causes a blistered crusty rash.

According to our doctor one of those online medical guides, "Impetigo starts as a red sore that quickly ruptures, oozes for a few days and then forms a yellowish-brown crust that looks like honey or brown sugar. The disease is highly contagious, and scratching or touching the sores is likely to spread the infection to other parts of the body as well as to other people."

Mmm! Perhaps Amy can cover up with some of her signature range of make-up and accessories?

You may have read way back that Boyzone had been inspired by Take That and Backstreet Boys' respective success on the comeback circuit and planned their own money-grubbing reformation tour and single heartwarming return to the industry.

They've put the wheels in motion for said reformation, with a schedule that naturally includes a performance at London's G.A.Y. All good and campy, we thought, until we saw the pictures:

There was just something about their get-up and general "vibe" that was ringing a bell in our minds. It took a while for us to pinpoint precisely what it was, and then we realised:

Someone must have sent the lads from Boyzone a copy of BoyTown.

Fresh from the "amusing things said before the glare of instant fame made such mouth-shooting-off probably inadvisable" category comes this corker from French actress Marion Cotillard, who just won the Oscar for Best Actress for La Vie En Rose.

Evidently Cotillard gave an interview last year in which she discussed, amongst other things, her belief that the World Trade Center attacks were just a cover-up so that the US government could demolish the "money-sucker" buildings and that, you know, man didn't really walk on the moon.

Naturally, the press is now having fits. Here are some highlights from Ms Cotillard's interview:

"We see other towers of the same kind being hit by planes. Are they burned? They [sic] was a tower, I believe it was in Spain, which burnt for 24 hours. It never collapsed. None of these towers collapsed. And there [in New York], in a few minutes, the whole thing collapsed."

She added that the towers, planned in the early Sixties, were an outdated "money-sucker" that would have cost more to modernise than to rebuild altogether, which is why they were destroyed.

She said: "It was a money-sucker because they were finished, it seems to me, by 1973, and to re-cable all that, to bring up-to-date all the technology and everything, it was a lot more expensive, that work, than destroying them."

Well, we don't know what the French are putting in their fromages at the moment, but we're inclined to think that there are more efficient ways to demolish an outmoded city building than, you know, flying planes full of innocent human beings into them while the buildings themselves are still, you guessed it, full of innocent human beings.

Call us conservative, but that's just how the Defamer Australia minds roll when it comes to matters of town planning!

There's nothing the media loves more than a beat-up about online piracy - why, they even managed to turn the Underbelly fracas into an exposé about file-sharing - so it wasn't like we were surprised when we read this morning of Australia's apparent boom in music piracy.

However, we were rather amused when they moved the story to the front page around lunchtime, and chose to illustrate it in this manner:

Yes, it seems the worst offenders in this affront to artists' rights are children who think Jack Sparrow is a pretty cool dude.

Next time you see a six-year-old loitering in the Wiggles/Hi-5/Bindi Irwin section at HMV, crash tackle them - they're probably on a reconnaissance mission for their illegal file-sharing ring, for which "Grade 1B" is just a shonky front.

We realise that those of you who left your questions for Australia's Next Top Model and all-round champ Alice Burdeu might now be feeling like you were shouting into a well - fear not!

Alice has been unable to spend more than a few seconds online over the past two weeks, simply because she is busy KICKING GOALS!

You can check out a Style.com gallery of her recent European show appearances (including exciting bookings like Alexander McQueen, Celine, Dries Van Noten and Dolce & Gabbana) here, but Alice has assured us that top of her 'to do' list once she returns to New York will be to respond to her public, i.e. YOU.

Our old housemate sent us this clip over a YEAR ago and we forgot to watch it at the time for some reason. Thankfully, we were going through some old emails over the weekend, rediscovered the link, and... well... you need to watch this.

We can't believe we've lost a year of running around singing "Our anus is a useful thing indeed!"

Sophie Monk has broken her silence (what happened to the whole "this will be the only statement we'll be making on the break-up" schtick, eh?) now that the public has learned her former fiancee Benji Madden is currently running around town with Paris Hilton, and has insisted the well-ridden socialite was not the reason for the couple's break up.

The former member of all-girl outfit Bardot, who is from Brisbane, said the media had got it "all wrong" with speculation over her break-up with the tattoo-laden Madden, lead guitarist with international chart-toppers Good Charlotte.

"Let me make this as plain as possible, Benji did not leave me for Paris Hilton. Benji and I did not break up badly or anything like that," she said.

"We both decided as adults our relationship had run its course and decided to move on."

And then, three hours later and totally free of guilt, he decided Paris Hilton was the one.

To be fair to Sophie, we'd be choosing denial over accepting the fact Paris Hilton was the preferred choice of ladyfriend of a man who is clearly, clearly punching above his weight when it comes to landing paramours.

Monk added that despite her relationship bust-up, her acting career in the US had gone into "overdrive".

There's that denial again...

We are pleased and excited to learn that the Queen of Pop (sorry, Kylie) is apparently planning on heading Down Under for the first time in 15 years, deciding to add Australia to the list of countries she'll be performing live in during her upcoming world tour. Thank god!

The London-based superstar has revealed she would like to perform Down Under as part of her 2008-09 world tour. Her only visit to Melbourne was for the Girlie Show tour in November 1993. Madonna, 50 this year, has been criticised by fans for snubbing Australia on her past three world tours.

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