· Much like her brother Michael, we have a hard time really buying the whole girlish falsetto of Janet Jackson's voice. It's as if she's just waiting for a commercial break to unleash that Howard Stern-esque basso profundo of hers. [Ellen]
· Ellen Page pulls out of Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell, reportedly because "she didn't like the latest draft of the script." Which strikes us as just the sort of excuse someone who'd bring their lesbian power publicist as their date to the Oscars would give, doesn't it? [bloody-disgusting.com]
· We must hand it to that Tilda Swinton: She's a pistol. She's already converted her Oscar into a hash pipe. So handy! [Popbytes]
· Now you're all Archuleta, Archuleta, Archuleta, as if Sanjaya never even existed. Well what if we sweetened the Malakar by offering you a shot of the Ponyhawked One...shirtless? We thought so. Enjoy. [rickey.org]
· Next time you have company over, serve them a nice glass of wine in a bacon cup! They can even eat it once they're done drinking. [Not Martha via WOW]

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Okay, we have officially forgiven Mariah Carey for Glitter, for two reasons. 1) She's such a hardcore 30 Rock fan that she asked Kenneth the Page to co-star in her new music video, and 2) Mimz is lookin' fine these days. Possibly the best she's ever looked. In this video for her new single, "Touch My Body," Kenneth (aka Jack McBrayer) plays a "compunerd" who shows up at Mariah's manse to fix technical issues with her 'puter, but winds up romping around wearing a Middle Ages fighting crown in her fluffy bed playing pillow fight. Our favorite moment? Kenneth's dead-on impression of Mariah's legendary falsetto singing skills in the first 30 seconds. Well that, and the sight of him walking an actual unicorn down a dark alley while wearing a regal robe. Well that, and and a mod scene in which Mimz and Kenny faux-shoot each other with guns. On second thought, scratch all that; every moment is classic.

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Normally the opportunity to see celebs naked on film is worthy of spending whatever it takes to buy the DVD and add it to your dirty collection. Heather Graham in Boogie Nights comes to mind, as does Halle Berry in Monster's Ball. But when folks like Philip Seymour Hoffman and Kathy Bates are flashing their naughty bits in crystal clear HD, we tend to shut our eyes fast the way we do whenever a particularly gruesome scene from the Saw franchise comes on. Nevertheless, Paper Magazine compiled a totally excellent Top Ten list of the worst nude scenes they've ever seen and, while the images aren't pretty, they're still perfect for a good cry/laugh for a Friday afternoon. Some NSFW stills from his list we managed to wrangle after the jump, if you dare...

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In a savvy bit of viral marketing set to reclaim Warner Bros.' Dark Knight campaign from the near-disaster of votive-and-flower-ready Why So Serious? multiplex displays, Batman fans are encouraged to stopwhatthey'redoingRIGHTNOW and allay their post-Ledger apprehensions at IBelieveinHarveyDent.com. There, Gotham City district attorney Harvey Dent -- a/k/a eventual Caped Crusader nemesis Two Face -- exhorts visitors to join his campaign to "join the fight for Gotham."

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In the greatest act of child bribery by a sitting governor since Bill Clinton withheld his 44th birthday cake from a young, broccoli-boycotting Chelsea, Arnold Schwarzenegger recently recalled his vintage M47 Army tank from its Ohio museum exile as an enticement to California's at-risk youths to just behave already, for Christ's sake.

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On last night's American Idol results show, two of this year's nine virtually identical blondes--cloned at Fremantle Laboratories off a Season One contestant who's been kept in a veal stall and fed on a diet of protein-boosted Jamba Juice and easy-listening favorites--were at risk of elimination. Only one was cut however, and that was (checking the website again just to be certain) Alaina Whitaker.

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Among the paucity of feel-good stories to emerge from this year's Academy Awards, few out-heartwarmed that of Once's buskers-turned-Oscar winners Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. Even fewer, reports Time Magazine, can yield the kind of cross-media windfall spawned by their strategically marketed songcraft:

The duo, who have performed in relative obscurity under the name The Swell Season since 2006, now have an Oscar and a Grammy. Once is the best-selling album on iTunes and the #9 DVD on Amazon. Their label expects sales of the album to triple in the next week.

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Whatever quasi-Chosen One Maddox Jolie-Pitt wants, he will get. Even if he walks into a candy store and the first thing he lays his pretty eyes on is a pack of gum labeled "I Heart My Penis." And we couldn't be more thrilled to report that mom/saint Angelina Jolie hasn't given up her kinky ways just because she's a grown women with a soccer team for a family. As an Us source claims, "[Angelina] laughed and bought it." If you'll allow us one crude attempt at humor on this Friday afternoon, we're left wondering this: if little Mad hearts his penis now, what's he gonna do when puberty hits? Here's hoping there's an "I Really, Really Heart My Penis" gum brand in the works. [Us]

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The first review of Will Ferrell's new movie just came in and, wow, it's a doozy. No, we're not talking about Semi-Pro, which opens today; we're talking about Ferrell's next movie, Step Brothers, which was produced by Judd Apatow and directed by Adam McKay. The film, set to open in late July, screened in Los Angeles last night. A Defamer tipster was in the audience and passed an early review our way. Based on some of the pullquotes (if, indeed, you can call words lifted from an email tip "pullquotes"), this sounds like it's going to be closer to Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story than Talledega Nights in terms of both laughs and B.O. We hate to say it, but it's looking more and more like John C. Reilly is Box Office Poison when cast in anything other than a supporting role. Full review after the jump, but here's a few of the choice quotes: "The story makes no sense - repetitive, forced and predictable would be compliments" and "the dialogue is less entertaining and envelope-pushing than anything on Two and a Half Men." Ouch!

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PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often--the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about how the sound of Mickey Rourke's loud snoring prevented you from getting any work done at the Santa Monica Public Library.

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We don't believe for a second that Gary Busey's appearance on the recurring Funny or Die show Prayer Hour yields a fraction of the authenticity of his ferocious Oscar-night showstopping. Nevertheless, a part of us can't help but imagine Busey stalking heaven's red carpet, his vehement incisors nuzzling Jesus' neck and complimenting His wardrobe before agreeing to a contrite appearance on St. Peter's radio show the next morning.

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Casting a star in a Broadway production tends to either bomb disastrously (Julia Roberts in Three Days of Rain, anyone?) or succeed spectacularly (Fantasia in The Color Purple, who killed). So when we heard the news that Nicole Richie is up for the role as Roxie in the long-running Chicago, we got nervous. Sure, she'll bring in the tweens, but can the girl actually sing? We did some investigating on that "debut album" Richie promised her public way back in 2005, and found a scratchy YouTube video featuring one single called "Dandelion" that may or may not have been planned for release. And we're no Simon Cowell, but we predict she'll breeze through "Funny Honey" much more smoothly than cringey-voiced Renee Zellweger did in the Oscar-winning flick. Judge for yourselves after the jump.

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Regular Defamer readers might recall an unusual tip left to us by an alleged maid who had stumbled upon a vial of miracle ball-stench-neutralizing ointment while tidying up around Simon Cowell's home. (The item got quite a bit of traction, particularly from the Nodoro-sponsored Howard Stern Show.) Now, another mildly suspicious e-mail arrived bearing the accompanying Nodoro ad. We can't verify its authenticity, but we can say that the Idol judge has been grumpier than usual this season; perhaps it might have something to do with having developed a tolerance to the genital deodorant's active ingredients.

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· Count the things wrong with this sentence: Bumped, a modern-day version of The Breakfast Club set at Chicago's O'Hare Airport, has been given a greenlight, with McG protege Anna Mastro attached to direct. [THR]
· SAG StrikeWatch threat alert: Honeysuckle! The actors guild won't start negotiating until April at the soonest. Asked for a reason, president Alan Rosenberg paused for a moment, then offered, "Oh, who are we kidding. I'm a slave to the draaaamaaaaa." [Variety]

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With anticipation-levels for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull hovering somewhere around those of that other long-awaited sequel, Jesus Christ and the Second Coming, Paramount has arranged for the latest chapter of Steven Spielberg's adventure serial to get a suitably overblown premiere at the Cannes Film Festival on May 18. Reports Variety:

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Hell hath no fury like a "power lesbian" publicist mistaken for her Oscar-nominated client's mother/love interest. At least that's what Michael Musto learned when his prurient interest in Ellen Page (and our interest in his interest) precipitated an angry call Thursday from ID-PR power flack Kelly Bush:

She wanted me to know that it was SHE who was with Page at the Oscars (though I had been sardonically wondering if it was a mother/girlfriend/whatever). She named a couple of other starlets who also had reps with them at the awards and said it's by no means an unusual practice. (Now I'll have to wonder if THEY'RE gay too.) "I don't know why people are so mean," Bush whinnied in a wounded voice. "It's not mean to wonder if someone's gay," I shrieked, outraged. "But to call her an 'Oscar loser'?" she moaned.

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On last night's Late Show, guest Amy Adams and David Letterman decided to review one of poufy-lipped red carpet host Lisa Rinna's numerous gaffes on Oscar night. And after seeing this particular stomach-turning foul for the third time, we're gonna have to agree with Letterman and Adams, who essentially came to the conclusion that the soap star turned Joan Rivers 2.0 "should be fired." The best part? Even Rinna agrees!

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Time for more Jackson Manse financial woe, only this time it in regards to the L.A. house in Encino that members of his insane family has lived in for years. Records filed with the L.A. County Recorder's Office showed Michael had "$153,910 in missed payments as of January 17 on a $4 million loan serviced by Pasadena-based mortgage lender IndyMac Bancorp." We can only pray Jackson can refinance in time, lest LaToya find herself homeless and turned out by Dr. Mustard, Ventura Blvd.'s most notorious pimp and part-time Wienerschnitzel manager. [AP]

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In a heartwarming scenario whose only logical conclusion involves Kirstie Alley, Leah Remini, Greta Van Susteren and Jenna Elfman in pink satin jackets singing "We Go Together" on a fairground set up at the Hollywood Scientology Center, Jeff Conaway has found an unlikely guardian angel in the fight against his long list of powder- and pill-based demons: his Grease co-star John Travolta. Inside Edition reports:

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Our progressive neighbors to the North -- they of universal health care and stealthy American media insurgency -- may yet cede their place among North America's movie industry vanguard. The Toronto Globe and Mail reports that the country's Conservative leadership wants no part of backing "any film or television show that it deems offensive or not in the public's best interest - even if government agencies have invested in them." Naturally the Canadian left is mortified envisioning a future sans even the tamest of subversive exports. "Would this committee put money into Juno?" asks Toronto lawyer David Zitzerman. "It might not want to encourage teen pregnancy. Would the government put money into a film with a dirty title, like Young People Fucking? Would they invest in something like Brokeback Mountain? They might not want to encourage gay cowboys to have sex together in Alberta." Hollywood studio heads, having long endured the repercussions of Canadian filth from Strange Brew to Paul Haggis, were rumored to vigorously laud the move in a conference call Thursday.

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Putting Drew Barrymore's last relationship with Fab from The Strokes aside, the girl does seem to fancy the funnymen (Tom Green, Zach Braff, and recent boytoy Justin Long among them). But after seeing beach pics reminiscent of those painfully staged Heidi and Spencer photos, we're wondering if all this gooeyness means that yet another Drew Dating Disaster is in store. Among the comments made in her cover story from this month's Vogue: "My cheeks hurt, I'm so happy." Long's gushy response? "She makes my cheeks hurt too." Plus, Drew is apparently fond of calling him her "gentleman caller" (nice to see someone is still reading Tennessee Williams). And then there's the kicker: as Oprah's website reveals, Drew and Justin are set to make a "worldwide announcement" on Monday's show...

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The forthcoming evisceration of New Line Cinema announced yesterday by founding bosses Bob Shaye and Michael Lynne was expected for a while now, but where the pieces would fall was anyone's guess. It still is to some degree, but as the grim news settles in and Time Warner overlord Jeff Bewkes' intentions come to light, we can start parsing the good, bad and the ugly wrought from New Line's demise:

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As the bra-burning women's rights activists etched into our heads, being a feminist means having a choice: you can either choose to bake pies alongside June Cleaver, or you can choose to spray whip cream on your tits and shake your moneymaker in front of salivating men. But whichever path you choose to trek, you can always win an Oscar! Just like Diablo Cody (the artist formerly known as Brook Busey-Hunt, aka Candy Girl)! As you might expect, Diablo's triumph is proving to be an inspiration for aspiring pole dancers everywhere. As one stripper wrote on her blog, "I can't tell you how excited I am by [Cody] being shot out of the fame cannon and into the dazzling sky." Us too! But just in case Diablo's win wasn't enough to inspire these lacy ladies to put away their chaps for good, just wait til they read Cody's MySpace response to Tuesday's nudie pic revelations:

"I personally put my vag out there with pride, ladies and gents. And you bet your ass I'd do it again if the Beef Council would cough up the proper endorsement money."

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