Saturday, March 1, 2008
Another Weird Jackson
11:58AM Seth | Much like her brother Michael, we have a hard time really buying the whole girlish falsetto of Janet Jackson’s voice. It’s as if she’s just waiting for a commercial break to unleash that Howard Stern-esque basso profundo of hers. [Ellen] Ellen Page pulls out of Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell, reportedly because “she didn’t like the latest draft of the script.” Which strikes us as just the sort of excuse someone who’d bring their lesbian power publicist as their date to the Oscars would give, doesn’t it? [bloody-disgusting.com] We must hand it to that Tilda Swinton: She’s a pistol. She’s already converted her Oscar into a hash pipe. So handy! [Popbytes] Now you’re all Archuleta, Archuleta, Archuleta, as if Sanjaya never even existed. Well what if we sweetened the Malakar by offering you a shot of the Ponyhawked One…shirtless? We thought so. Enjoy. [rickey.org] Next time you have company over, serve them a nice glass of wine in a bacon cup! They can even eat it once they’re done drinking. [Not Martha via WOW] More »
Mariah Carey and Kenneth The Page: Hottest New Unicorn-Wrangling Couple
10:58AM Molly Friedman | Okay, we have officially forgiven Mariah Carey for Glitter, for two reasons. 1) She’s such a hardcore 30 Rock fan that she asked Kenneth the Page to co-star in her new music video, and 2) Mimz is lookin’ fine these days. Possibly the best she’s ever looked. In this video for her new single, “Touch My Body,” Kenneth (aka Jack McBrayer) plays a “compunerd” who shows up at Mariah’s manse to fix technical issues with her ‘puter, but winds up romping around wearing a Middle Ages fighting crown in her fluffy bed playing pillow fight. Our favorite moment? Kenneth’s dead-on impression of Mariah’s legendary falsetto singing skills in the first 30 seconds. Well that, and the sight of him walking an actual unicorn down a dark alley while wearing a regal robe. Well that, and and a mod scene in which Mimz and Kenny faux-shoot each other with guns. On second thought, scratch all that; every moment is classic. More »
Paper Mag’s Top Ten Worst Nude Scenes Are Disturbingly Delicious
10:02AM Molly Friedman | Normally the opportunity to see celebs naked on film is worthy of spending whatever it takes to buy the DVD and add it to your dirty collection. Heather Graham in Boogie Nights comes to mind, as does Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball. But when folks like Philip Seymour Hoffman and Kathy Bates are flashing their naughty bits in crystal clear HD, we tend to shut our eyes fast the way we do whenever a particularly gruesome scene from the Saw franchise comes on. Nevertheless, Paper Magazine compiled a totally excellent Top Ten list of the worst nude scenes they’ve ever seen and, while the images aren’t pretty, they’re still perfect for a good cry/laugh for a Friday afternoon. Some NSFW stills from his list we managed to wrangle after the jump, if you dare… More »
Batman Nemesis Doubles Average Fanboy Correspondence
9:47AM Defamer Hollywood | In a savvy bit of viral marketing set to reclaim Warner Bros.’ Dark Knight campaign from the near-disaster of votive-and-flower-ready Why So Serious? multiplex displays, Batman fans are encouraged to stopwhatthey’redoingRIGHTNOW and allay their post-Ledger apprehensions at IBelieveinHarveyDent.com. There, Gotham City district attorney Harvey Dent — a/k/a eventual Caped Crusader nemesis Two Face — exhorts visitors to join his campaign to “join the fight for Gotham.” More »
Schwarzenegger Tank Rides Will Fix Corrupted L.A. Youth Once and For All
9:32AM Defamer Hollywood | In the greatest act of child bribery by a sitting governor since Bill Clinton withheld his 44th birthday cake from a young, broccoli-boycotting Chelsea, Arnold Schwarzenegger recently recalled his vintage M47 Army tank from its Ohio museum exile as an enticement to California’s at-risk youths to just behave already, for Christ’s sake. More »
‘Hell To The No!’ Says ‘Idol’ Oustee Asked To Reprise Her Failure Anthem
9:27AM Seth | On last night’s American Idol results show, two of this year’s nine virtually identical blondes–cloned at Fremantle Laboratories off a Season One contestant who’s been kept in a veal stall and fed on a diet of protein-boosted Jamba Juice and easy-listening favorites–were at risk of elimination. Only one was cut however, and that was (checking the website again just to be certain) Alaina Whitaker. More »
‘Once’ Underdogs Open Nation’s Hearts, Wallets
8:53AM Defamer Hollywood | Among the paucity of feel-good stories to emerge from this year’s Academy Awards, few out-heartwarmed that of Once’s buskers-turned-Oscar winners Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. Even fewer, reports Time Magazine, can yield the kind of cross-media windfall spawned by their strategically marketed songcraft: The duo, who have performed in relative obscurity under the name The Swell Season since 2006, now have an Oscar and a Grammy. Once is the best-selling album on iTunes and the #9 DVD on Amazon. Their label expects sales of the album to triple in the next week. More »
8:25AM Molly Friedman | Whatever quasi-Chosen One Maddox Jolie-Pitt wants, he will get. Even if he walks into a candy store and the first thing he lays his pretty eyes on is a pack of gum labeled “I Heart My Penis.” And we couldn’t be more thrilled to report that mom/saint Angelina Jolie hasn’t given up her kinky ways just because she’s a grown women with a soccer team for a family. As an Us source claims, “[Angelina] laughed and bought it.” If you’ll allow us one crude attempt at humor on this Friday afternoon, we’re left wondering this: if little Mad hearts his penis now, what’s he gonna do when puberty hits? Here’s hoping there’s an “I Really, Really Heart My Penis” gum brand in the works. [Us] More »
First Review Of ‘Step Brothers’: Less Entertaining Than ‘Two and a Half Men’
8:09AM Mark Graham | The first review of Will Ferrell’s new movie just came in and, wow, it’s a doozy. No, we’re not talking about Semi-Pro, which opens today; we’re talking about Ferrell’s next movie, Step Brothers, which was produced by Judd Apatow and directed by Adam McKay. The film, set to open in late July, screened in Los Angeles last night. A Defamer tipster was in the audience and passed an early review our way. Based on some of the pullquotes (if, indeed, you can call words lifted from an email tip “pullquotes”), this sounds like it’s going to be closer to Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story than Talledega Nights in terms of both laughs and B.O. We hate to say it, but it’s looking more and more like John C. Reilly is Box Office Poison when cast in anything other than a supporting role. Full review after the jump, but here’s a few of the choice quotes: “The story makes no sense – repetitive, forced and predictable would be compliments” and “the dialogue is less entertaining and envelope-pushing than anything on Two and a Half Men.” Ouch! More »
