Welcome to Defamer's Fourth Annual Hollywood Christmas Party -- aka, our Oscar Liveblog! This year, we'll be splitting our barbed coverage into two robust and equally exciting halves. Seth will be handling the coverage of the (potentially ratings challenged) ceremony itself (separate post to follow at approximately 5:30pm PST), while your Uncle Grambo will be taking the reins for the pre-show. Stick with us, it's gonna be a rip-roarin' old time!

UPDATE (5:30pm LA time): Looking for the Oscar liveblog? Look no further!

5:22pm: Gary Busey's antics aside, this carpet made NBC's Golden Globes press conference seem positively enthralling. It's clear to us that while the Writer's Strike might be over, Hollywood is still really hung over from the debilitating three month strike. Fingers crossed that tonight's ceremony will go much smoother and be WAY more exciting than the carpet. At this point, we're turning things over to your Master Of Ceremonies ... it's been a blast. Stay tuned to Defamer's on-going coverage by going here:

http://defamer.com/360170/liveblogging-the-oscars-choke-on-the-glitz

5:17pm: Um, ABC ran a "global contest" for two people to get to walk the carpet and they only got 16,000 entries? Why does ABC think that ANYONE cares who these two teens are? Bee-tee-dubs, guy from Toledo, way to put your best fashion foot forward with that gray generic polo shirt.

5:11pm: Jennifer Garner is REALLY close to slipping a nip live on ABC. Where's Busey when you need him? J. Garns gives a shout-out to mummified fashionista Rachel Zoe, but what we're really wondering is how she felt about getting snubbed? If there was an Oscar worthy role in Juno, it was hers.

5:07pm: Well, looks like both E! and TV Guide Channel have shut down their coverage. No real loss. Both carpets were snoozefests, where's Joan Rivers when you need her? Or, for that matter, Issac Mizrahi? The red carpet has lost its sense of spontanaiety (however "spontanaiety" is spelled). No time for spellcheck, it's a liveblog! Thankfully, we have this clip the cast of Dancing With The Stars to tide us through this commercial break.

5:06pm: John Travolta to the chippy on ABC: "I let Kelly wear the dress tonight." There's a first time for everything!

5:01pm: Sorry Rinna, but we're just not that into you. Now that Reege is on ABC, we'll be flipping back and forth between ABC and E!

4:59pm: Casey Affleck is now talking to Lisa Rinna. Unfortunately, he has pledged to be nicer to Lisa this time around. That's no fun, yo!

4:57pm: Uh oh, there's Zellweggs. Between her and Cameron Diaz, we're not sure which one spent less time washing their hair before this evening's ceremony. Someone get these ladies a Brita filter for their shower heads or somethin'.

4:53pm: Katherine Heigl looks REALLY thin. But that hair? We said it before (and caught some flack for it), but the 45 year-old version of Katie Heigl just called and she wants her hairstyle back. Where's Doc Brown when you need him, someone needs to go back to the future.

4:51pm: Casey Affleck standing on the merlot carpet with Seacrest, which means it's only a matter of minutes before he encounters Lisa Rinna again. We all remember how that one went down last time. Should be a good one!

4:46pm: Zomg! The unholy Dancing With The Starts triumvirate of vet Lisa Rinna and n00bs Steve Guttenberg and Marlee Matlin are having a convo (with the aid of an interpreter, obvs). It must be easy to read Lisa Rinna's lips, seeing as how they are stuffed with at least 30cc's of collagen.

4:43pm: Lisa Rinna's go-to word of the night is "Girl." During an interview with Keri Russell (who, btw, must be SO sick of answering the Adrienne Shelly questions by now), Rinna dropped the word "girl" at least six times in ten seconds.

4: 37pm: Here's the video that everyone will be talking about tomorrow morning (and maybe even later tonight) -- Gary Busey storming an unsuspecting Ryan Seacrest, Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney. Utah, gimme two!

4:34pm: Seacrest just asked the question that's on the mind of every man who glances at Jessica Alba these days: "Will you be breastfeeding?" We didn't know you had it in ya, Seacrest. Keep it up!

4:32pm: Hey Cameron Diaz, did an alarm on your iPhone just go off to remind you to walk the Red Carpet? Nice roots, it looks like she got ready for the show in the limo on the way over to the Kodak Theater. We know it's raining, but come on.

4:31pm: Gary Busey is over on the TV Guide Channel now doing penance for his crashing of the E! set. For some reason, he is intent on interviewing Lisa Rinna (who, btw, is eating up the attention).

4:26pm: Okay, the first shot of Diablo Cody's million dollar shoes just hit the wires. Really, that's all you get for a million dollars these days? There should at least be some laces or something, right?

4:20pm: It's somehow appropriate that, at 4:20pm, Gary Busey just molested Jennifer Garner's neck with his tongue. Utah, gimme two! The Buse is the early favorite for the Sean Young Memorial Trophy as the Oscar's biggest trouble causer. Can you imagine if Busey streaked the ceremony? One can only hope that Vh1 is filming him tonight for Celebrity Rehab 2.

4:19pm: Kimora on Ellen Page: "She's a little Plain Jane."

4:15pm: Jessica Alba like whoa. The breastfeeding jokes will be coming fast and furious on some of the laddies parts of The Blogosphere tomorrow (or, more likely, in the next 30 seconds).

4:13pm: Aw, isn't that cute. Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill, sporting matching Jewfros, are clearly being positioned as the Matt-n-Ben of the new Hollywood set.

4:11pm: Exactly how many Enchanted dolls does Seacrest carry on his person at any given time? Not only did he bust one out when McDempsey walked up to him, but he sprung one out of his bag of tricks when the universally adored Amy Adams showed up on the carpet. Good thing The Today Show's Natalie Morales isn't here; we all know how that turned out last time!

4:08pm: It's Hollywood's most ubiquitous presence, James McAvoy. Ry Guy is sweating profusely while interviewing the (considerably shorter) James McAvoy. We don't think McAvoy is exactly Will Ferrell, but we think that Seacrest is probably standing on a few milk crates.

4:03pm Flipping back to TV Guide Channel, Lisa Rinna has cornered Diablo Busey-Hunt (aka, Brook Cody). She looks fantastic, actually, and manages not to laugh when Rinna dropped the news that Harry Hamlin voted for Juno for Best Picture. Bloggers and froggers, still no camera pans down to her million dollar kicks.

4:02: One hour down and everything is going according to schedule. Nothing is happening. This really is going to be the lowest-rated Oscars of all-time, isn't it? Speaking of which, what is McDreamy doing on the carpet? Oh yeah, that's right, a little bit of ABC nepotizz at work. Or would it be considered product placement? Either way, Loverboy was rad.

3:58pm: We're kind of loving Joey Fatone's elevation from boy band has-been to the poor man's Jerry Penacoli. He's on TV Guide Network now blasting Anne Hathaway for being too pale and John Travolta for spray painting his hair to his head. And now he's wearing bunny slippers.

3:57pm: Wait a second, there's some hot competish for worst haircut of the 2008 Oscars. The Rock is giving Travolta a real run for his money.

3:54pm: Zomg, John Travolta's chia-head looks like it was put together by pouring a smattering of melted Crayolas over top his melon.

3:50pm: Both stations are on commercial, so now's a good a time as any to drop this SuperDeluxe video on you. We've been walking around saying "Hey there, bloggers and froggers" all weekend long.

3:48pm: Giuliana DePandi is so gay for the clown-lipped Anne Hathaway. We're amateurs at this, but it seems like Anne Hathaway is running away with the best dressed title at this early hour.

3:46pm: As handsome as George Clooney is (and he is a handsome son of a gun), we think he's even more delectable in jelly bean form.

3:44pm: Quoth Ryan Seacrest: "a uk producer's head is in my crotch. his head is in between my legs." Just another Sunday afternoon for RyGuy!

3:40pm: Hey there bloggers and froggers, there's Diablo Cody! Of course she's rockin' some sot of leopard-y lookin' monstrosity. Come on camera man, pan to those million dollar shoes!

3:38pm: E! producers are thinking the same thing we are. We too would relegate Tom Wilkinson to picture-in-picture status when Kristen Chenoweth's magnificently healthy rack is on display.

3:34pm: Looks like Clooney was the smartest celeb of the bunch. Fox's weatherslut with the mole (honestly, her name escapes us) is reporting that a smattering of sprinkles just hit the ceremony. Hope you brought your umbrella, Brook Busey Hunt!

3:22pm: Usually, the big stars are the last to show up on the red carpet. As happy as we are to witness this glorious interview with the Costume Designer of Lars And The Real Girl (who knew that you could get Oscar nominated for dressing a mannequin with a fleshy vagina?), the appearance of George Clooney and his smokin' hott GF Sarah Larson signals that the ceremony is on.

3:09pm: Nothing reminds us more of the pageantry and tradition of the Oscars than the appearance of Heidi Klum and Seal. Makes us long for the magical afternoon back in January when we watched Seal On Ice. You truly haven't experienced ice dancing `til you've seen it paired with the music of Seal, trust you me.

3:06pm: Still no stars on the carpet. Just so you know, we're going to be breaking Larry Sanders' golden rule a lot during this liveblog. We'll be flipping spastically back and forth between the coverage on E!, TV Guide Channel (we're really hoping that Joey Fatone and Lisa Rinna didn't take their meds) and, when it comes on, ABC.

3:00pm: It just wouldn't be The Oscars without good ole Lou Gossett Jr.! Being the first person to arrive is both an honor and a tragedy. Lou took home a little gold man back in `83 for An Officer And A Gentleman, but sadly was snubbed in `85 for Enemy Mine. Now drop and give us 20.

Tags: 2008 oscars | academy awards | liveblog | oscars | pre-show