Kerry Katona May Be Regretting Inviting The Tabloids To Her Daughter’s Christening

Australians would know ex Atomic Kitten singer member Kerry Katona best as the mother of Delta Goodrem’s future step-children (Katona being Brian/Bryan McFadden’s ex wife). Over in the UK, she regularly appears in the tabloids due to her, erm, slightly ‘colourful’ life – her Wikipedia page ought to get you up to date.

Anyway, Kerry recently had her youngest child Heidi christened, and when her regular employer OK! Magazine passed up the chance to attend the event, the trusty folk from News Of The World went along instead. Prepare yourself for the most sarcastic and delightfully pisstaking report we’ve read in a while.

Despite the absence of a fat OK! cheque, gorgeous Kerry and her handsome husband Mark Croft handpicked a charming location—the Warrington suburb of Padgate.

‘Gorgeous’ and ‘handsome’ – that’s rather nice, isn’t it? Well, we sense the reporters may be indulging in sarcasm, if the rest of the article is anything to go by.

The day began at majestic Christ Church, a fine example of neo-Homebase style.

Guests, buffeted by empty crisp packets, smiled as the family arrived— guarded by Kerry’s some-time nanny and burly lesbian pal Pat ‘She’s Got Muscles In Her Spit’ Ferrier.

Kerry, stylish in a not so little black dress—told them: “Ere, it took me ages to find summat to wear. I look like I’m off to a wake.”

All eyes then naturally turned to the little madam herself as she gurgled and gurned all over her adorable pudgy face.

Wait for it… wait for it…

Eleven-month-old Heidi Elizabeth attracted a fair bit of attention too.

ZING! And there’s the money shot!

… proud mother-of-three Kerry emerged from the service all smiles before strolling with her entourage to a reception at the nearby Bayleaf curry house.

This smart eaterie— possibly more familiar to the cognescenti under its onetime title Smithys bowling club — boasts half an acre of land, complete with upended fridge, oil drums and decorative bin bags.

…

It was almost the scene of an Atomic Kitten reunion—with only Liz McClarnon, Natasha Hamilton and Jenny Frost staying away.

Meeeeooooow! Read the whole thing for yourself.