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Jessica Alba, By The Numbers: Rotten To The Core
Posted by Mark Graham at 8:51 AM on February 2, 2008
Our first indication that something might be awry with Jessica Alba's career came not when that guy on TRL told her that getting pregnant was "Not cool, dude", but rather when we saw the one-sheet for her new movie, The Eye. While certainly a captivating Photoshop job (ish), we found it fairly bizarre that Lionsgate would choose NOT to use the beautiful visage of one of the most lusted-after actresses in the world to promote their film. But then we did some research on Rotten Tomatoes and realized something very important. Save for fanboy fave Sin City, no one really seems to have liked any of the films she's starred in.
While it cannot be argued that Jessica Alba has appeared in a couple of box office successes since graduating from the small screen (namely, the Fantastic Four franchise), it can be argued that these few bright spots had little to nothing to do with Miss Alba's acting chops or on-screen charisma and everything to do with the existing popularity of the material in question. As for the fate of The Eye, well, it sure looks like Lionsgate is gonna have their hands full now that Hannah Montana is on the scene. Don't fret, Jessica -- there's always prosethetics!
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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ThaKadinskyPapers
Posted 11:08 AM 2/2/08
@Her Royal Empress Dr. Bufflekins III, Esq.: @Trixie from Toronto: That and she is incapable of getting over her own self.
ThaKadinskyPapers
Her Royal Empress Dr. Bufflekins III, Esq.
Posted 11:08 AM 2/2/08
@Trixie from Toronto: Word. Permanent bitchface, always.
Her Royal Empress Dr. Bufflekins III, Esq.
Trixie from Toronto
Posted 11:08 AM 2/2/08
Maybe if she fucking smiled every now and again. Jesus, the woman could jump out of the cake at a suicide party.
Trixie from Toronto
Seanibus
Posted 11:08 AM 2/2/08
I think the first sign that there is something wrong with her career comes from the fact that she is such a bad actress that she is not even convincing as herself.
Seanibus
The Black Snob
Posted 1:08 PM 2/2/08
I just think she keeps getting cast wrong. They should do for her what they did for Sly and the Governator in their hay day, or what they did for her on TV in Dark Angel. Just look pretty and blow up things. Only speak in short sentences that require little range of emotion. Or get an "emotions" double of sorts.
Scratch that, get a double for everything except for what she has from the neck down. That way everyone's happy.
The Black Snob
Molly Friedman
Posted 1:08 PM 2/2/08
@wjcohen: WarCo! So glad another Defamer commenter can be all insidery with the staff's crushes. Glad I never revealed mine to you...right?
Molly Friedman
Uncle Grambo
Posted 1:08 PM 2/2/08
@wjcohen: Never say never, WarCo!
Uncle Grambo
wjcohen
Posted 1:08 PM 2/2/08
It's not like Bynes is gonna get those roles, I hope you realize....
wjcohen
raincoaster
Posted 3:08 PM 2/2/08
@Trixie from Toronto: I love that. I have to steal that. But when, other than here, do I ever talk about Jessica Alba? Oh, right; I should trot down to Robson Street and use it to cheer up all those salesgirls she's traumatized.
@wjcohen: Bynes should get them. She can act, and she's as much a diva as she is a football player.
raincoaster
anotherlovetko
Posted 3:08 PM 2/2/08
There's not enough interesting parts being written for females.
anotherlovetko
DukeLaCrosse
Posted 2:07 PM 3/2/08
@Trixie from Toronto: Ugh, I know! Bitch always looks like she's smelling dog shit.
DukeLaCrosse
Miss d
Posted 3:08 PM 4/2/08
Wow! Who would of thought - and now with the pregnancy - looks like Miss Alba will have to find another way of making a living...
Miss d
wjcohen
Posted 4:08 PM 4/2/08
@Molly Friedman: Lurking after Brad Pitt in Mars 2112 with a cameraphone doesn't give you away?
wjcohen