Hell Hath No Fury Like A Spice Girls Fan Scorned

Parents of Australian children can rest easy – Mel B won’t be appearing onstage scaring their children with saucy tales of clitoral over-stimulation anytime soon, as news emerged over the weekend that the Spice Girls had decided to cancel their Down Under tour plans.

“We’ve had such an amazing time over the last three months,” said the Spice Girls in a statement (we figure they dictated the note in unison). “It’s been incredible being back together and seeing our fans again. We want to thank everyone who came to see us… Really sorry if we didn’t get to see you this time round. We all have other commitments in our lives now but who knows what will happen next.”

The statement teases that the group will be reviewing “options” and muses, “who knows what the future might bring!”? Rumours have been circulating that the group has been offered a huge offer from EMI to record another album, despite the fact that their comeback single “Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)” disappointed on the UK charts.

Regardless, the Girls will not be performing as planned in Australia, Argentina, and China.

As the brilliant No Rock and Roll Fun put it – Spice Girls discover ‘family’ more attractive than ‘half empty halls’

Those “other commitments” in the Spice Girls’ lives – what would they actually be, then? Is the Australian Dancing With The Stars refusing to take ‘no’ for an answer from Geri? Has Mel B decided she needs to drive up and down Eddy Murphy’s street bellowing DNA test results? Is Victoria thinking that, damn it all, 2008 is the year she needs to finally tackle Anthony Powell’s A Dance To The Music Of Time, and no excuses?

Australian fans are apparently taking the news rather badly.

Outraged Australian fans have lashed out at the Spice Girls after the group scrapped plans to tour Down Under.

“I am absolutely disgusted in them,” a fan named Charm said. “Most of us have been waiting years for this and they have just ruined it all for us. As far as I am concerned, they have just lost another fan. So much for girl power.”

Some branded the group liars.

“They have known all along when their kids go to school or whatever,” Stace88 said. “It’s a crappy excuse, really it’s all just about money … they’ve made enough now so who cares about anywhere else right?” Fans said they were upset that promoters kept promising concert dates. “How dare they get our hopes up by sending emails asking us how many tickets we wanted,” Ezzy B said.

On the social networking site Facebook, two groups have started recruiting members, Spice Girls Suck for cancelling tour to Australia and Spice Girls Dogged Australia. Also circulating on the web is a picture of the group holding up a sign – “We Lie”.

The website SpiceNews.com, which has been running since 1998, announced it was closing down.
“I can’t support people who I don’t respect, and I don’t respect people who plainly screw over and lie to their fans, that being the Spice Girls,” the site’s administrator said.

Ballsy move, Spice Girls. Personally, we’d never toy with the emotions of Ezzy B, Charm, and Stace88.