Ashton-Bash Hepatitis ScareWatch: The NYC Dept. of Health Statement

We certainly didn’t mean to contribute to any level of mass panic with our urgent-yet-responsible (we like to think it was just hysterical enough) noting of a Hepatitis A scare at Ashton Kutcher’s recent star-studded birthday bash. Minutes after hitting publish, however, the sight of more than a few civilians running past Defamer HQ windows, shouting things like, “We’re all going to die, and that guy from Dude, Where’s My Car? is the one to blame! No, not Stifler–the other oooonneeee…” before trailing off into the distance, led us to wonder if perhaps we shouldn’t clarify the situation further for our readers. So to be sure, this celebrity outbreak is limited to the NYC area–unless, of course, any of the dozens of L.A.-based guests in attendance made their way back here in the ensuing two weeks, and chose to mingle with our general population. But what are the chances of that? Because accurate information at times like these is key, a Defamer operative has sent in the official statement from NYC Dept. of Health and Mental Hygiene (”NOT the Board of Health,” as has been misreported), which we dutifully reprint for you here: