‘American Idol’ Finally Overcomes Its Pink Panic

At long last, the American Idol chaff has been removed (farewell, STG. Farewell, fan-waving hippie. Farewell, toe-tapping girl–or, rather, hello to Defamer’s newest celebrity commenter), and we can focus on the unpolished kernels of wheat vying for karaoke’s ultimate crown. Only watching the top 12 boys compete last night, we were instantly struck by something: These are some of the gayest wheat-kernels we’ve ever laid our eyes on!

In years past, producers tried to at least go through the paces of dressing the feyer contestants up as a viable tweenbait, hoping a fedora and loose-hanging necktie would throw their gleefully incurious target audience off of the potent lavender scent. No longer, however. Between Colton “Lesbiman” Berry and Danny “The Singing Christian” Noriega, it seemed as though you couldn’t manage to escape someone or thing representin’ the G-A-Y on the Idol set: A wall of flames! Ryan Seacrest! That single father who sang “Moon River” and reminded us of that other band! In case you missed the signs–and if you did, we hope you’re in coma–Defamer video vixen Molly McAleer has compiled some of the gaylights in one handy montage. Enjoy.

• americanidol.com