Thursday, February 28, 2008

Princess Mary’s Best Friend Forever Is A Cougar!

3:08PM Jess McGuire | Amber Petty, Princess Mary’s best friend in the entire world and don’t you forget it, confessed in a recent column for the Adelaide Advertiser that she had gotten her New Years freak on with a wee slip of a lad, no older than 21 years of age. Says the Daily Telegraph - In a candid admission likely to have Crown Princess Mary of Denmark pouting in the palace, royal bridesmaid Amber Petty has revealed she recently indulged in some tonsil hockey with a 21-year-old. In a funny and frank column in The Adelaide Advertiser,Petty, 37, questions the controversy around the “cougar” debate after announcing she kissed a bloke 16 years her junior on New Year’s Eve. Ho, ho indeed! We meant that in the chuckling way, not the “you dirty whore” sense. Let’s hear more from Amber Petty on the matter! More »

Anthony Callea’s Pash With Ladyfigure Somewhat Less Than Convincing

1:51PM Jess McGuire | Oh, Anthony. We didn’t believe you wanted to do raunchy things to women when you were claiming to be straight, now we know you’re happily in big gay love with Tim Campbell, there’s even less chance of us believing there is genuine sexual tension in the air between you and someone with a vagina! It seems that Channel 7’s publicity team on television karaoke contest It Takes Two need not worry about coming up with strategies to boost the station’s ratings – they’ve got Anthony Callea to do it for them. Confidential hears the staged kiss between Callea and his singing partner Candice Falzon on Tuesday night’s show was a stunt concocted by the Australian Idol product, and was designed to give their performance “an edge”. “He’s a competitive guy and always ensures his partner goes beyond the singing and into their performance as well,” a Channel Seven spy told us. Even though Anthony looks like a child awkwardly putting the moves on his babysitter in the above snap, we give him a big thumbs up for effort. Nevertheless, Tim Campbell has very little to worry about. More »

Plumbers Do It Deeper; Also Love Keira Knightley

12:18PM Clem Bastow | The Daily Mail today are running one of those “they ain’t ‘alf orright, them celebs” style pieces where they interview ‘the work’ to get the inside scoop on what it’s like creating corsetry for Mariah Carey or working as a PA to Pete Burns, and so on and so forth. Most of them involve reminiscences of the “She was very nice”/”He was a nightmare” variety and are as such interchangeable with most other features on the same topic. We were, however, quite taken with the excerpt from Devon plumber Steve Pickton, who was pleased to find himself on an emergency call to a lady who looked quite familiar: “Cor, she looks just like Keira Knightley!” I thought to myself as the woman who’d called herself Mrs Stewart when she called me out opened the front door. A few hours later, I told her I thought she looked just like the famous actress and she told me: “Yes, I am Keira Knightley.” During the week I worked at her house, I saw Keira in her floral nightie and without any make-up, but she was still very pretty. I also saw her eat plenty of things like soup and sandwiches. Soup and sandwiches! Steve goes on and describes Knightley as a “darling” and just makes us like her even more. Keira “Mrs Stewart” Knightley, flat-chested girls and the plumbers of the world salute you! And if that isn’t true success, we don’t know what is. More »

12:03PM Mark Graham | Only those of you with elephantine memories will recall the case of Charlene Richards, the nurse that was hired to watch over legendary television superproducer Aaron Spelling during his final, bedridden days. While under the employ of the Spellings, Richards found herself in hot water after she refused to ride the grumpy old man’s baloney pony. She was quickly fired for insubordination, but she didn’t go quietly. She filed a sexual harrassment lawsuit, during the process of which her team of legal eagles sent a questionnaire out to over 600 actresses (including Heather Locklear and Teri Hatcher) asking if they, too, had been forced to endure the come-ons of the doddering billionaire. Well, as you can assume, the Spelling estate was none too happy about the media attention this received (one headline read “Sex Scandal Rocks Hollywood”), and they consequently filed a countersuit charging Richards’ lawyer with defamation. All of this preamble serves to set-up this note: earlier today, the California Appeals Court threw the suit out. And that concludes today’s episode of L.A. Law. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we must be going. We hear that Arnie Becker is throwing a raging kegger, and we want to get a few words in edgewise with Grace Van Owen before she gets sloppy. [THR, Esq.] More »

Fox And Farrellys Feed Free Franks!

11:48AM Seth | Craving a Pink’s hot dog, but were hoping to wait until the lines creep up towards Sunset before making the trip? Then you might want to swing by on Friday or Saturday, as Fox has decided to extend the themed lunch promotions that have delighted patrons of the News Café for years (dating right back to their Late Show Starring Joan Rivers pulled pork sandwiches in 1986) to the general public. That’s right: “the ‘Wieners’ Who Brought You There’s Something About Mary and Dumb & Dumber” are pleased to provide the first 500 customers to arrive at the landmark tubesteak stand a complimentary “Unhitched Dog,” along with your choice of Farrelly Bros.-themed condiments, including tangy There’s Something About Mary hair-gel-onnaise. Enjoy! More »

Ghost Ride The DeLorean

11:45AM Mark Graham | Somebody call Doc Brown, this is 1.21 jigga-WHATs of unabashed awesomeness. Keep your eyes peeled for the homey with the prosthetic leg; he puts Mucca to shame. [College Humor via AOTS] During the course of our day, we read a lot of truly shitty op-ed pieces. It’s part of the job, we don’t like to complain. While we normally shield these sorts of works from your eyes, we would like to share one of the more egregiously awful pieces we’ve read in eons with you now. Its title? “How utterly cool is Natalie Portman?” Barf. [MSNBC] “We’ve seen comebacks happen over and over again in the entertainment industry, whether it’s John Travolta, the Spice Girls, or fictitious characters such as Indiana Jones or Rambo. Now it’s Mr. T’s time.” So true. We pity the fools who don’t read Mr. T’s graphic novel! [Mohawk Media] We have to be honest, once we hit the 90-second mark in this video and realized that it’s 22 minutes long, we stopped watching. That said, many tips have hit the Defamer inbox today telling us it’s funny. So, there you go. Democracy in action. [Funny Or Die] And finally, we close the day with a bit of good news. The Elliott Smith wall on Sunset in Silver Lake has, thankfully, been untagged and restored to its pristine beauty. A tip of the cap to our friends at LAist. [LAist] More »

Nic & The Snapper: The Saga Continues. And Continues, And Continues…

11:36AM Clem Bastow | Remember when Nicole went to court with the paparazzo, saying he frightened her, and at the same time, the paparazzo went to court with the Sydney Morning Herald, saying they defamed him? Well, wouldn’t you know it, The Trial Continues™! And, we’re still more or less confused as to who is suing/paying/sooking at whom. In her judgment, Justice Simpson said she was satisfied the photographer had placed a listening device under the water meter outside Kidman’s home. But Fawcett told journalists he was disappointed that she had come to that decision. “I don’t believe it is supported by the evidence,” he said, noting that NSW police had dropped the case against him. Fawcett said he did not regret taking the defamation action, but he was “already hurting financially”. The judge has ordered that he pay the legal costs of Fairfax, which will run into six figures. We’d say “The Trial Continues” again, but it wouldn’t be entirely true. Suffice to say Fawcett plans to appeal the decision, and then once again we can all be safe in the knowledge that we can use the term “The Trial Continues” once more, and all breathe a sigh of relief. More »

Napoleon Perdis’ Associates In Self-Promotion Shock

11:18AM Clem Bastow | Defamer Australia readers who are long-term viewers of Australia’s Next Top Model will be familiar with the fabulous Napoleon Perdis, the self-made make-up maestro who is never short of a few words to say about his “brilliant” new range that is inevitably In Stores Now (though we also adore him for encouraging the Cycle 3 cat-fight between Alice “WINNER” Burdeu, Jordan “Game On Moles” Loukas and Steph “Morocca” Hart, then sitting back and clapping his hands, shouting, “I love it!”). Thus, we weren’t surprised at all to see that Perdis’ powers of self-promotion are rubbing off on his young Academy protegees, who have had fingers wagged at them after their ‘Napoleon Perdis’ t-shirts were spotted front-and-centre at various fashion events, which is the fashion equivalent of, dunno, parking your “FORD” emblazoned ute at a Toyota-sponsored footy match. Napoleon Perdis is exclusively aligned with David Jones, so it puzzled a number of Myer folk and the Foxtel crew when a dozen girls, wearing T-shirts with the cosmetics king’s name emblazoned across them, sat beside the stage for a Holeproof underwear fashion show. The same bunch of girls, by the way, were also sitting in the same seats last week at Myer for Jennifer Hawkins’ fashion parade appearance. “They asked us to take our T-shirts off or cover them up,” said one of the girls from the academy. “We came down here to see the latest fashions. It’s part of the training.” This story is even more entertaining if you imagine the young student crying as she says, “We came down here to see the latest fashions”, as though she’s a Depression-era scamp who just wanted to look at the pretty people for a while before returning to the dustbowl to renovate wooden pallets. And, really, all this has done is to remind us HOW TOTALLY EFFING PUMPED WE ARE FOR AUSTRALIA’S NEXT TOP MODEL CYCLE 4!! Ahem. More »