Tuesday, February 26, 2008
‘So You Think You Can Dance Australia’ Round Up: Top 18 Week
11:43AM Clem Bastow | A slightly less disjointed episode this week, with a marginally more interested-sounding crowd, although someone really needs to have words with presenter Natalie Bassingthwaighte, whose presenting steez swings between aggro and just plain weird (though we’ll leave the full run-down to our weekly Totally Addicted To Bass feature!).
As to the comings and goings of last night (and Sunday), we weren’t really surprised to see Hilton leave; solo, he’s a wonderful dancer, but always seemed rather awkward whilst dancing with a partner, sticking his bum out like a duck and stooping because of his height.
Kassy we were a little more surprised to see the back of, though as Jason Coleman rightly pointed out, all of the ‘dance for your life’ solos last night were pissweak (though the exact term he used was “quantity not quality”), particularly Kassy’s, which seemed to consist solely of wiggling her arse vaguely in time to the music.
What of the rest of the Top 16? They’re definitely growing on us, though we’ve always loved Demi, Camilla, Henry and Jack. However we were definitely shocked that Marko and Stephanie survived another week after their laughable “swap” (swing/hip hop) routine, which followed last week’s stinker of a jive (Choreographer: “Okay, guys, you’ve picked the jive, which is an up-tempo ballroom dance… [takes long drag on crack pipe] …Let’s dress you as sexy punks and have you dance to… The Veronicas! You can’t lose!” Marko & Stephanie: “…”).
Also, someone in wardrobe hates them.
Readers! If you’ve got any pertinent So You Think You Can Dance Australia goss, or you have schtupped know one of the dancers or judges, do feel free to let us know – email tips@defamer.com.au and give us an ear-bashing! More » 
Your 2008 Oscars in 120 Seconds
11:34AM Mark Graham | All told, we here at Defamer devoted five hours and forty-six minutes to watching and chronicling the 2008 Academy Awards last night. And wouldn’t you know it, during that stretch, there were only a handful of moments that we’ll remember next week, let alone next year. To that end, we gave Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer the unenviable assignment of paring last night’s overblown monstrosity down to only its most essential elements. So wave buh bye to no-name costume designers and bid a not-so-fond farewell to Jon Stewart’s blandly serviceable monologue, for this two-minute bestlight reel is chock full of moments like Gary Busey neck-raping Jennifer Garner, Joey Fatone drinking Lisa Rinna’s milkshake and Tilda Swinton giving George Clooney’s rubber nipples the business (among other gems). Enjoy! WATCH VIDEO More »
Keira Knightley’s Handy Make-up Tips For Flat-chested Girls, Drag Queens, Etc
11:24AM Clem Bastow | If you’ve seen Atonement or Pride And Prejudice – or, really, just seen Keira Knightley out and about – then you would be aware that the lovely lass is about as busty as co-star James McEvoy. So, you might also have been confused when, in the Pirates Of The Caribbean trilogy, she appeared to be bustin’ out all over like nobody’s business.
Well, Knightley has helpfully revealed the decidedly retro tricks of the trade that gave her cleavage its heaving depth in all those ripped bodices – good, old-fashioned make-up!
It was all an illusion, made possible by the film-studio art of “bosom make-up”. It is a skill from Hollywood’s golden age that fell out of favour with the advent of silicone enhancement.
Miss Knightley said: “They painted my tits on me for the films, which is extraordinary because it’s kind of a dying art form – in the past, they used to have whole sections of the studios devoted to bosom make-up.
“And I loved it, completely loved it. Because it was the first time in my life I had big tits, and I didn’t even need surgery.’
She said the process of creating the cleavage took 45 minutes every morning before filming started.
A make-up artist would apply a slightly darker shade of base make-up between Miss Knightley’s own breasts to create a shadow to increase the ‘cleavage effect’.
Beginner drag queens, male participants in Year 12 muck-up week “cross-dressing day”, sit up and take note. “Boobs” drawn on with black texta will no longer cut it. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Blake Is The New Blake
11:15AM Clem Bastow | Amy Winehouse needs to start making up her mind as to which Blake she really wants in her life, since she seems to be torn between Blake “Good Blake” Wood and Blake “Bad Blake” Fielder-Civil at present.
Winegums is still hanging out with Good Blake; presumably this has nothing to do with the fact that Bad Blake’s continued “troubles” when it comes to annoying details like, oh, not attempting to pervert the course of justice, or shooting up heroin in his cell may be keeping him in jail longer than expected.
After a low-key night out with ‘Good Blake’ on Sunday, Amy left her east London home today dressed up in a mini-skirt and vest to visit her incarcerated husband.
Although the singer has been looking undoubtedly healthier than she has done in months, she was spotted with some unsightly red scratches on her arms.
Last year, the troubled star admitted she harmed herself as a child, and these latest photographs have prompted speculation she may have returned to the habit.
Nooo! Amy, you were doing so well when you’d, er, forgotten about your locked-up husband and spent time gallavanting with attractive single men. Perhaps you should return to that modus operandi?
Jus’ sayin’, is all. More » 
Do Not Disturb Diablo
11:08AM Seth | Shhhhh…Don’t speak above a whisper, or you may awaken 2008’s Best Original Screenplay Oscar winner Diablo Cody, sleeping off a night of hard and well-deserved partying flanked by some tried-and-true comforts; namely, hotel sheets, a plate of chocolate chip cookies, and a naked, well-muscled guy she can barely get a hand around. More »
10:44AM Seth | Holy smokes! That’s Jane Russell, who used to look like this, on the red carpet last night, moments before Gary Busey pounced on her and started licking her neck. Jane seemed to enjoy the attention, however, so it’s all good. [Getty Images] More »
Boned Reporter Claims Nine Riddled With Sexism; Somewhere, A Mini-skirted Shelley Craft Says “Not So!”
9:51AM Clem Bastow | Remember Channel Nine reporter Christine Spiteri’s ongoing battle with the network? It’s still going!
Spiteri is planning to blow the lid off Nine’s alleged climate of sexism and the sorts of industry dealings you would’ve thought went out in the days when Les Paterson was considered a work of cutting non-fiction – by suing Nine for damages.
Female journalists at the Nine Network were discussed as “sex objects”, according to documents filed in a $560,000 damages claim by dumped reporter Christine Spiteri.
Documents with the Federal Court yesterday reveal the network’s head of news John Westacott allegedly told female journalists: “To make it in this game, women have to be f…able.”
Spiteri, 40, was told while on maternity leave her contract, which expires next month, would not be renewed.
She lodged a complaint last December with the Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission, alleging she was the victim of discrimination on the grounds of sex, race and her parental responsibilities.
She wouldn’t be the first to wonder whether Nine’s gender politics were a bit off, as this stirring Photoshop job from News Ltd last December suggests.
After all, you don’t hear phrases like “boning” emerge from totally right-on, gender neutral, forward-thinking workplaces, do you? More » 
La Correspondent Demonstrates ‘Being A Knob’ Prerequisite For 2Day Fm Employment
9:35AM Clem Bastow | We can’t say we’re massively surprised to find this out, but it seems that 2Day FM’s LA correspondent, dispatched to cover the Oscars red carpet and press room, was a bit of a f–kwit and ended up riling up both the stars and those covering the event in a fell swoop for Australian entertainment diplomacy.
Michael “Sydney” O’Neill challenged Kyle Sandilands for employee of the month status by acting like a cock while carrying out the sorts of hilarious stunts we’ve come to know and love 2Day FM’s programming for, including trying to piss off Daniel Day-Lewis – who had just come offstage following his There Will Be Blood win – with dumb questions about how he “relaxes” (no, we don’t “get” the joke, either).
After several attempts at dismissing the repeated line of questioning, an explosive Day-Lewis told O’Neill it was “none of your f…ing business” what he did in his downtime.
Earlier, O’Neill was turned away from the Kodak Theatre red carpet by event organisers for defying the strict black-tie dress code – which is applied to all working media – as well as the A-list stars.
The 2DayFM staffer had arrived wearing jeans and an Akubra, but was sent back to his hotel to change into black pants before being allowed to rejoin other media representatives for the post-awards press conference.
“All of the media were explicitly told in advance that it was black-tie for everyone in the media room,” a Los Angeles insider told Confidential yesterday “with tuxes for the guys and floor-length gowns for the ladies”.
“When he came back he was whinging about it being like school,” the source said.
Michael “Sydney” O’Neill, could you be the new Quentin?
We would have particularly enjoyed this story if it involved Day-Lewis dishing out to O’Neill a fate similar to the one suffered by preacher Eli in Blood, only using his Oscar instead of a bowling pin. More » 
The Critics Agree: Jon Stewart Unlikely To Be Edited From Future Oscar Montages For Time
9:28AM Seth | We were so busy typing our little fingers to the nub that we barely had a chance to really assess what we thought of last night’s Oscars telecast. One thing is certain, however, and that was that host Jon Stewart had a far more successful go at hosting, virtually eradicating any memories of Night of a Thousand Sweatpants, and other clunkers from his 2006 effort. A round-up of what critics are saying: “So it was good to see Jon Stewart being Jon Stewart. He is shaping up to be a dependable Oscar host for the post-Billy Crystal years. He’s not musical, but he’s versatile enough to swing smoothly between jokes about politics, Hollywood, new media, and, most importantly, hair.” [Boston Globe]
Tennis Meanies Make Little Grunting Girls Cry
9:19AM Clem Bastow | You know we’re a sucker for a human interest story, and today’s winner is a touching tale of a little tennis-loving girl whose on-court noises evidently gave onlookers and opponents harrowing flashbacks to the glory days of Monica Seles and, apparently fearing a repeat of Seles’ grunting-induced stabbing (note: may not actually be real reason), have banned the little tacker from playing.
Look at that little face! Would you tell her she couldn’t pursue her dream just because of an unfortunate vocal tic? It seems such moral questions did not cross the minds of Mt Carmel Tennis Club when they advised Lauryn Edwards’ parents that she needed to shut up or ship out.
Mr Edwards said the club had asked him for an assurance Lauryn would remain silent on the court.
“They told me to guarantee she won’t grunt or she can’t play,” he said.
“How can I guarantee that? She’s been doing it since she was really little. She’s her own person.
“What do they want me to do? Put Band-Aids over her mouth? They made her cry on the court when they told her.
“She was in such a state that I had to bring her home mid-match.”
Lauryn, who has attention deficit disorder, has been playing tennis since the age of four, after it was recommended by her school psychologist at Sunbury Primary to burn energy and keep her focused.
If the admin at Mt Carmel Tennis Club were hoping for anything nice this Christmas, it’s safe to say that – at least in the eyes of the Edwards family and a few million readers of News Ltd papers and websites – they can expect a great big lump of coal now.
Not since the saga of Wild Child Acting And Dance Studios have we been so completely engrossed in this sort of small-town stage/sports parenting drama! More » 
