We made it! After months of tooth-gnashing and tuxedo-vest-rending, Hollywood's Greatest Night has arrived, and we're here to capture every significant moment for you, in easy-to-digest, timestamped morsels. We've done everything in our power to make sure that things run smoothly, but as always, mishaps do happen. (We're reminded of the tragic 63rd, when Lorraine Bracco's seat-filler inexplicably caught fire.) On the E! pre-show alone, Jennifer Garner's conversation with Ryan Seacrest was interrupted by a shocking neck-smooch attack perpetrated by a possibly candy-flipping Gary Busey. What cameras didn't capture was the fact that the actor was naked from the waist down. No matter. Garner is quarantined, under observation, and seems OK. And you're in the comfort and safety of your own home, where no slobbery Buseys can ever reach you.

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Remember Dannii Minogue and Sharon Osbourne's mighty X Factor cat fight?

Well, just when you thought it was all over, the two showbiz dames are likely to cross paths at the upcoming Melbourne Grand Prix, as both ladies are likely to have RSVPed for the various celeb-soaked functions that surround the motor race.

Ozzy will be in town to play Rod Laver Arena that weekend, and Sharon is accompanying him (presumably so she can remind him he is playing a concert, and not going for a prostate examination).

Formula 1 drivers will rub shoulders with celebs including Rachel Griffiths, Miranda Otto, Fifi Box and Dannii Minogue at the high-rise party.

But the real fireworks are expected when Minogue and Sharon Osbourne run into each other at the champagne bar.

As co-judges on the Brit version of talent quest X Factor, there was no love lost between the two, with Osbourne attacking Minogue on air.

We can't wait, cat fight, the hair, the hair etc, but did anyone else notice something odd about that excerpt?

"Celebs including ... Fifi Box".

Yes, that Fifi Box. Celeb is probably pushing it a little, wouldn't you say?

While Defamer is running our own live Oscars blog, we're not immune to cruising the web to see what "the other half" are doing with cinema's big day.

During our travels via the Vogue Forums we were most pleased to see that NineMSN had given our favourite Australian designer and hilarious Australia's Next Top Model judge ("Those eyebrows have been raped") Alex Perry his own live Oscars red carpet arrivals blog.

Feel free to browse by yourself, but we've collated some of Alex's more considered moments of serious fashion commentary for you here:

11:51am:Calista Flockhart and her grandfather She's looking a bit scary..

11:40am:Tilda Swinton It's a great big bag what's to LIKE. Don't put any makeup on you albino!

11:35am:Jennifer Hudson sHE just unleashed a white gladiator dress, unfortunately the white jersey couldn't contain her boobs, they look like white pointers one to the east and one to the west.

11:32am:Helen Mirren I can't believe I'm seeing a dress that is red satin with white lace, it's not friggin christmas honey and she looked so amazing last year, but this year she looks WRONG.

11:25am: Kimora Lee Can I also add she looks like a Phillipino hooker.

11:05am: John Travolta has a droopy suit on and too long sideburns, slightly Amish looking.

We're willing to go out on a limb here and request that someone gives Alex a proper fashion commentary position at either Vogue or Harpers Bazaar, stat!

The Australian fashion world needs more talk of white pointer boobs, Amish sideburns and Filipino hookers.

Perhaps to inject the otherwise snoozy Oscars tonight (no parties! Stewart again! predictable winners!) with some pizazz, the actresses on the carpet went with red dresses in all shades: Katherine Heigl, sans Josh as far as we could tell, wore a fire engine red one-strap number; Miley Cyrus proved she's still a girl, but not yet a woman, in a tight bright red dress to show off her underage, yet budding, figure; Helen Mirren proved once again that being a slightly more "mature" actress in no way means you can't look sexy. Take a look at all the ladies who took red and made it work:

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We're afraid it's true, ladies and gentlemen. Dan O'Connor, he of the variety of nose bridge not seen since Michael York in The Island Of Dr Moreau, is leaving our screens.

If you cast your minds waaaay back, you may recall that O'Connor - prior to being a sissy bitch who cried when Janae left him - was once an underwhelming Australian Idol contestant, and it seems that the musicality pulsing through his veins is crying out to be released once more, so in a move of striking originality, he's leaving Ramsay Street to relaunch his singing career.

We can't wait for that one!

The former Campbelltown lad (in Sydney's west) has announced he's leaving his soap stud-dom behind in April to concentrate on a music career.

Signing new management and with plans to head to Britain in June, the Australian Idol favourite says he hopes to have a pop/rock album ready for release by the end of the year.

"To try to do music and the show at the same time is really hard. I wanted to commit to it (music) 100 per cent."

We'd say something here about "you'd want to commit to it 100%, since you suck at it", but it's Monday and we're trying to start the week on a positive note.

So, good luck, Dan! See you at the ARIAs, mate!

Delta Goodrem's plan to conquer the notoriously difficult American music scene hit a hurdle over the weekend with news emerging the singer has been dumped by her US record label. As our Associate Editor quipped, "looks like no one was interested in Delta's mermaid fantasy".

The pop star, who is still signed to SonyBMG in Australia, was dropped by the US arm of the mega music company. Goodrem's Australian record label and publicist yesterday confirmed the 23-year-old star had lost her US deal with SonyBMG.

However, the spokeswoman said the singer was in talks with other American labels. Sources say Goodrem is likely to sign with the Universal Music Group. Her spokeswoman said: "There are plans for a release of the Delta album in the US ..."

Yes, well - there are plans for the Defamer Australia team to retire in a couple of years time to a tropical island where we shall be waited on hand and foot by John Mayer (and assorted other wrong crushes), never again forced to follow the career of Kyle Sandilands or listen to another Idol single, choosing only to exercise when Jillian Michaels* turns up for our annual boot camp session, and we'd say our plans and Delta's management's plans have pretty much the same chance of being realised.

We're just shocked that the American record company big wigs weren't shitting themselves with glee and counting their chickens after learning of Delta Goodrem and Olivia Newton John's impending duet.

*We may just have something cooking when it comes to getting our paws on Jillian. NO, REALLY!

Remember Zach from Big Brother 07, the darling bird-like gay who left the house in runner-up to pursue his dreams of corseting Australia's sheilas?

Well, you may or may not have known that he also snared himself a job on Channel 7's HD late show The Night Cap, but if that is news to you, too bad, because it seems the powers that be at 7 weren't too keen on having Zach merrily describe blow-jobs and fisting to the viewers playing along at home!

While the former Big Brother runner-up had been criticised for his "frozen" debut performances on the experimental show, which launched on February 12, Douglas turned up the heat too far when answering a viewer's email.

The seemingly harmless question about kissing veered into dangerous territory when Douglas began describing same-sex practises and fellatio.

His explicit comments left the show's more experienced performers - host Matthew White, newsreader Jessica Rowe and roving reporter Monique Wright - scrambling to patch up the wreckage of the segment.

A spokeswoman for Channel 7 told Confidential yesterday there was "no correlation between the incident" and a decision to replace Douglas on the panel.

"Zach found flying between Melbourne and Sydney twice a week took its toll on him and his (corset) business, so he'll now be our entertainment and gossip reporter," the publicist said.

So that pretty much means the turnaround between BB fame and total nothingness has now reached its swiftest rate, yes? Especially since the last we saw of BB07 winner Aleisha was appearing in a Global Rags late-night ad for their Boxing Day crazy sale.

Let that be a lesson to all who unwisely chose to send in their videotapes this year despite the lack of Gretel and the presence of Satan and his minions.

The News Ltd stable of newspapers loves nothing more than a rave, preferably an "illegal" one, to spice up their news coverage.

It means they can waffle on about ecstasies and "party drugs" and, as they did here, reporters can memorably quote forum members' reactions using only their screen-names ("Ralph Wiggum reported slabs of Smirnoff spirit-based drinks were selling for $240, and cans of spirits for $10") because they are too scared of "ravers" to actually find some in real life and interview them (you know, they might put drugs in your drink!).

So, we were pleased to see the latest installment in this fine tradition of journalistic excellence and moral guardianship:

Hundreds of "stupid" partygoers danced millimetres from death at an underground dance party held at the base of a seaside cliff in Sydney's east, police say.

...

Police Rescue Acting Sergeant Col Benton said it took two hours to evacuate 300 revellers over large slippery boulders and up one long ladder for their own safety. No one was injured.

...

"A number of the people were intoxicated in moderate to heavy states, both with alcohol and illegal drugs."

People at a rave were intoxicated? Good lord, these people are stupider than we first thought!

As one thread on dance forums InTheMix suggested, how about a rave at Herald Sun HQ?

An mildly interesting turn of events in the rom-com that is Natalie Imbruglia's love life - it would seem rock and roll bad boy (yawn) Johnny Borrell was never all that keen on Emma Watson, star of the Harry Potter flicks, and instead has had his eye on the freshly available meat on The Boog's bones.

Just last week Razorlight frontman Johnny Borrell sparked rumours by escorting Harry Potter star Emma Watson to a party. But, far from being interested in 17-year-old Emma, the singer is actually hotly pursuing Australian pop star Natalie Imbruglia. The couple met earlier this month at a Valentine's ball in Russia hosted by supermodel Natalia Vodianova and have been in touch ever since.

Bless 'em. And how exactly has Johnny been wooing Natalie?

"He went up to her, gushed about being a huge fan and suggested they meet to discuss a collaboration.

"He jotted his phone number down and slipped it in Natalie's hand, whispering in her ear, 'Call me. I'd love to see you again.'"

We see. Through little white lies which make her feel as though her music career is still going great guns. Unless, of course, Johnny is actually partial to lines like "think of all the bubbles of love we made" - which he could well be. Who are we to judge?

We anxiously await news of further developments in this burgeoning romance.

Welcome to Defamer's Fourth Annual Hollywood Christmas Party -- aka, our Oscar Liveblog! This year, we'll be splitting our barbed coverage into two robust and equally exciting halves. Seth will be handling the coverage of the (potentially ratings challenged) ceremony itself (separate post to follow at approximately 5:30pm PST), while your Uncle Grambo will be taking the reins for the pre-show. Stick with us, it's gonna be a rip-roarin' old time!

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