Saturday, February 23, 2008
Tidying Up For Oscar
12:01PM Seth | Yo! Oscar! Over here! It’s the 80th Annual Academy Awards Sunday evening, and good things invariably come in extremely round numbers. As is our custom, we’ll be liveblogging the entire, bloated affair. Live! (Did we mention that already?) It promises to be four-plus hours of wildly inebriated fun. Be there: 5 p.m. Pacific. And if you can’t spend it with us, then we hope you enjoy catching Hepatitis A at Madonna’s. That should be a good time, too. Pop quiz: What do Lindsay Lohan, Marilyn Monroe, two boobs, and innumerable freckles have in common? Hint: Dina Lohan couldn’t be prouder. What’s with Where the Wild Things Are? Leaked screen tests. Poor audience responses. Possible plug pullings! For fans of Can’t Stop the Music, and just about no one else: Steve Guttenberg to boogie back into your hearts on Dancing with the Stars. My dinner with Clooné. Scarlett and Natalie are willing to go there for Boleyn. But can the same be said for Christina and Reese? OMG! Hepatitis scare at Ashton’s 30th birthday! We know…He’s only 30! “Paging Dr. Pinsky. Dr. Pinsky to admissions.” J-Lo’s gemini miracle fails to enthrall a nation. Hobble your way to digital satellite clarity! The lavender Idol monster is back, dragging along some controversy and Apple riding piggyback. Put that broken heel under your pillow, and just maybe, Shoe Fairy Neil Patrick Harris with put a brand new pair of Louboutins under your pillow.
Mmmmm, Dirt Sandwich
11:48AM Mark Graham | This week’s Dirt Sandwich is comprised of tragic tales of depression/cancer/diabetes/AIDS, tiger attacks and missing family members. And, as usual, they were handled with the grace and aplomb we have come to expect from paragons of journalistic integrity like Mark McGrath and Donny Osmond. Coked-Up Viral Promotion Theater Presents: Vikki & Kenickie in: THE NIGHT I SHOT EDDIE MUNSTER FOR NOT LOVING “KRAZEE.” If you can bear to watch the whole uncensored clip, pay particular attention to what’s on the table at 1:19. Doesn’t look like pablum to us. [YouTube] Finally, the internet gives us what we have been looking for all these years — a site dedicated to chronicling only what white people like. Examples being gentrification, difficult breakups and expensive sandwiches. Yep, three for three! [Stuff White People Like] The title of this YouTube clip says it all: Rock Band Baby!!! Funny!!! [YouTube] Notoriously cranky movie blogger Jeffrey Wells thinks Ellen Page doesn’t stand a chance to win an Oscar because there is “absolutely nothing about her that says ‘alluring breeding-age female.’” [Vulture] Oscar Bingo! [Thrillist] More »
11:20AM Seth | Kevin O’Connell, the Susan Lucci of the sound-mixing set, is nominated for an Oscar yet again, this time for his work on Transformers. That makes 20 nominations, 0 wins. (7 more and Katherine Heigl plays him in the movie of his life! Rimshot.) Little Gold Men caught up with O’Connell, but judiciously failed to bring up the infamous Sound Mixer Smackdown from last year’s Oscars, when his nemesis Michael Minkler, who shared the statue for his work on Dreamgirls, callously observed, “I think Kevin should go away with 19 nominations … I have to wonder … Kevin is an OK mixer, but he should take up another line of work.” [VF Daily] More »
Ugly Hasselbecky
10:46AM Seth | In case any of you ugly ducklings out there stare at the impossibly adorable and feisty Elisabeth Hasselbeck, The View panel’s hawkish contributor, and see in her an unattainably shrill ideal, fear not. She too was once a gawky pre-adolescent, smiling past the sadness through a wall of orthodontic appliances and tragically outmoded frames purchased at the short-lived Sally Jesse Raphael Optical Centers (Your Glasses–and Some Tough Love–in About An Hour!™). More »
10:24AM Molly Friedman | While it remains to be seen whether or not Diablo Cody will be joining the likes of Cameron Crowe and Woody Allen on the list of Oscar-winning writers, one thing is certain: she’ll be wearing Million Dollar Shoes to the Academy Awards on Sunday. Tacky tastemaker Stuart Weitzman’s infamous Kwiat diamond-encrusted shoes will adorn the Juno scriptess’s feet as she walks the carpet. We are proud to report that this news marks Brook’s official jump from Former Stripper to Rental Footwear Prostitute. [SF Gate] More »
Cookin’ With Coolio: Guaranteed To Get The Panties Off
10:00AM Defamer Hollywood | Every once in a while the heavens bestow on us a beautiful shining gift. Something so awesome, so fantabulous, that we can’t help but share it with everyone we know. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that gift would include Coolio. But oh, does it ever. Here’s a program that puts to shame everything currently on the Food Network and the Travel Channel combined. Take that, Bobby Flay. Look into the eyes of greatness and tremble, Paula Deen. Cookin’ With Coolio is here and there’s no turning back. More »
9:39AM Seth | More gratuitous male shirtlessness! Golden Boy of the Century Justin Timberlake is in talks to be the new face of Givenchy men’s cologne. Touted to come in an eye-catching, hand-sculpted dispenser bottle handsomely wrapped in sleek packaging, Dick dans une Boite pour Homme is sure to be the hot men’s fragrance seller come Christmas time. [Marie Claire] More »
Is ‘Dexter’ Too Dirty For Primetime?
9:20AM Molly Friedman | Parenthood groups are always trying to ruin the fun. Just after adorable homocidal freak Dexter made his debut on CBS to triumphant ratings, the Parents Television Council is trying to take the show off the air (or at least back to Showtime, where skeeviness and scandal rules). Despite having some of the funniest accusatory headlines we’ve seen since “Headless Body In Topless Bar” on their site (NBC is guilty of Airing Nudity and Assaulting Families!), Dexter seems to have pushed their buttons more than any entries on their list of Worst Shows On Television: “What could possibly lead them to determine that a show about a pathological serial killer ‘hero’ could be appropriate for 14-year old children? The only reason is corporate greed.”
The Only Actor Race That Matters: How They Look Shirtless
8:57AM Seth | While we’ve attempted to handicap the Oscars acting races as best as we know how, we’ve failed to factor in one crucial angle: how yumcakes the male nominees look without a shirt on! Luckily, TheSword.com (site mildly NSFW) has come through, compiling A Shirtless Gallery of all the sexy thespians up for gold. It’s a seemingly wonderful idea that takes a turn for the not-so-wonderful when they veer into Hoffman/Holbrook/Wilkinson territory. More »
