· Yo! Oscar! Over here! It's the 80th Annual Academy Awards Sunday evening, and good things invariably come in extremely round numbers. As is our custom, we'll be liveblogging the entire, bloated affair. Live! (Did we mention that already?) It promises to be four-plus hours of wildly inebriated fun. Be there: 5 p.m. Pacific. And if you can't spend it with us, then we hope you enjoy catching Hepatitis A at Madonna's. That should be a good time, too.
· Pop quiz: What do Lindsay Lohan, Marilyn Monroe, two boobs, and innumerable freckles have in common? Hint: Dina Lohan couldn't be prouder.
· What's with Where the Wild Things Are? Leaked screen tests. Poor audience responses. Possible plug pullings!
· For fans of Can't Stop the Music, and just about no one else: Steve Guttenberg to boogie back into your hearts on Dancing with the Stars.
· My dinner with Clooné.
· Scarlett and Natalie are willing to go there for Boleyn. But can the same be said for Christina and Reese?
· OMG! Hepatitis scare at Ashton's 30th birthday! We know...He's only 30!
· "Paging Dr. Pinsky. Dr. Pinsky to admissions."
· J-Lo's gemini miracle fails to enthrall a nation.
· Hobble your way to digital satellite clarity!
· The lavender Idol monster is back, dragging along some controversy and Apple riding piggyback.
· Put that broken heel under your pillow, and just maybe, Shoe Fairy Neil Patrick Harris with put a brand new pair of Louboutins under your pillow.

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· This week's Dirt Sandwich is comprised of tragic tales of depression/cancer/diabetes/AIDS, tiger attacks and missing family members. And, as usual, they were handled with the grace and aplomb we have come to expect from paragons of journalistic integrity like Mark McGrath and Donny Osmond.
· Coked-Up Viral Promotion Theater Presents: Vikki & Kenickie in: THE NIGHT I SHOT EDDIE MUNSTER FOR NOT LOVING "KRAZEE." If you can bear to watch the whole uncensored clip, pay particular attention to what's on the table at 1:19. Doesn't look like pablum to us. [YouTube]
· Finally, the internet gives us what we have been looking for all these years -- a site dedicated to chronicling only what white people like. Examples being gentrification, difficult breakups and expensive sandwiches. Yep, three for three! [Stuff White People Like]
· The title of this YouTube clip says it all: Rock Band Baby!!! Funny!!! [YouTube]
· Notoriously cranky movie blogger Jeffrey Wells thinks Ellen Page doesn't stand a chance to win an Oscar because there is "absolutely nothing about her that says 'alluring breeding-age female.'" [Vulture]
· Oscar Bingo! [Thrillist]

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Kevin O'Connell, the Susan Lucci of the sound-mixing set, is nominated for an Oscar yet again, this time for his work on Transformers. That makes 20 nominations, 0 wins. (7 more and Katherine Heigl plays him in the movie of his life! Rimshot.) Little Gold Men caught up with O'Connell, but judiciously failed to bring up the infamous Sound Mixer Smackdown from last year's Oscars, when his nemesis Michael Minkler, who shared the statue for his work on Dreamgirls, callously observed, "I think Kevin should go away with 19 nominations ... I have to wonder ... Kevin is an OK mixer, but he should take up another line of work." [VF Daily]

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In case any of you ugly ducklings out there stare at the impossibly adorable and feisty Elisabeth Hasselbeck, The View panel's hawkish contributor, and see in her an unattainably shrill ideal, fear not. She too was once a gawky pre-adolescent, smiling past the sadness through a wall of orthodontic appliances and tragically outmoded frames purchased at the short-lived Sally Jesse Raphael Optical Centers (Your Glasses--and Some Tough Love--in About An Hour!™).

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While it remains to be seen whether or not Diablo Cody will be joining the likes of Cameron Crowe and Woody Allen on the list of Oscar-winning writers, one thing is certain: she'll be wearing Million Dollar Shoes to the Academy Awards on Sunday. Tacky tastemaker Stuart Weitzman's infamous Kwiat diamond-encrusted shoes will adorn the Juno scriptess's feet as she walks the carpet. We are proud to report that this news marks Brook's official jump from Former Stripper to Rental Footwear Prostitute. [SF Gate]

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Every once in a while the heavens bestow on us a beautiful shining gift. Something so awesome, so fantabulous, that we can't help but share it with everyone we know. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that gift would include Coolio. But oh, does it ever. Here's a program that puts to shame everything currently on the Food Network and the Travel Channel combined. Take that, Bobby Flay. Look into the eyes of greatness and tremble, Paula Deen. Cookin' With Coolio is here and there's no turning back.

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More gratuitous male shirtlessness! Golden Boy of the Century Justin Timberlake is in talks to be the new face of Givenchy men's cologne. Touted to come in an eye-catching, hand-sculpted dispenser bottle handsomely wrapped in sleek packaging, Dick dans une Boite pour Homme is sure to be the hot men's fragrance seller come Christmas time. [Marie Claire]

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Parenthood groups are always trying to ruin the fun. Just after adorable homocidal freak Dexter made his debut on CBS to triumphant ratings, the Parents Television Council is trying to take the show off the air (or at least back to Showtime, where skeeviness and scandal rules). Despite having some of the funniest accusatory headlines we've seen since "Headless Body In Topless Bar" on their site (NBC is guilty of Airing Nudity and Assaulting Families!), Dexter seems to have pushed their buttons more than any entries on their list of Worst Shows On Television:

"What could possibly lead them to determine that a show about a pathological serial killer 'hero' could be appropriate for 14-year old children? The only reason is corporate greed."

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While we've attempted to handicap the Oscars acting races as best as we know how, we've failed to factor in one crucial angle: how yumcakes the male nominees look without a shirt on! Luckily, TheSword.com (site mildly NSFW) has come through, compiling A Shirtless Gallery of all the sexy thespians up for gold. It's a seemingly wonderful idea that takes a turn for the not-so-wonderful when they veer into Hoffman/Holbrook/Wilkinson territory.

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For every swan dress there is a fire engine red body-hugger worn by the likes of Catherine Zeta-Jones, or one of those golden sparkle-y things that just melts all over Halle Berry's body. To prove we're not just big meanies when it comes to discussing Oscar outfits of yesterday, we've put together our Top Ten picks for the most exclamatory, drop-dead dresses ever worn on an Oscar red carpet, and even redeemed one member of the Worst Club by placing her at the shiny top of our Best-Dressed cake.

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Last night on Conan, Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange showed us exactly why he's become one of the most reliably effed up talk show guests to come down the pike in a long while. After making fun of previous guest Randy Jackson, Artie proceeded to explain why he's called in sick to the Stern show for the past few days. Here's a hint: he ran out of cocaine!

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With the party circuit looking more anemic than ever, leave it to the least likely culprits -- Hepatitis-scare victims Madonna and Demi Moore -- to throw a last-minute bash for the rudderless A-list masses looking for an Oscars night soirée. To be held at "a home in the Westside hills," the party will start Sunday around 9 p.m., featuring a guest list with "everybody on it. It gives the A-list Vanity Fair crowd someplace to go to. It will probably be pared down to where it's 85% talent, not a lot of suits." Security, of course, will be ultra-tight, with guests forced to undergo not only friskings and metal detectors, but also having their blood drawn and read by high-speed diagnostic computers. Anyone with so much as a slightly elevated LDL cholesterol level will be turned away at the doors. [Variety]

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Remember a few years back when a not-quite-audible stolen whisper between Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson in Lost In Translation got the entire cinematic world buzzing? Well, while taking in our third viewing of There Will Be Blood the other evening, we noticed a scene in which something very similar occurs. Just moments after Daniel Plainview's now legendary "I have abandoned my boy!" outburst at the Church Of The Third Revelation (the scene that will likely go down as having locked up Daniel Day-Lewis' second Oscar for Best Actor), there is a brief exchange that takes place between him and Eli Sunday (Paul Dano) just after Plainview has been violently baptized. In the clip (see above), not only can no dialogue between the actors be heard, but Paul Thomas Anderson's shooting script does not specifically indicate what the characters are saying to each other at this moment. Yet, as the clip clearly demonstrates, there is a relatively heated (if one-sided) conversation between the two. We have a few theories on what went down but, at this point, we would rather open it up for you to discuss. Leave your comments after the jump!

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Yes, sadly, it's that time again. Time to stare into the lifeless abyss that is the Swan Dress. But Bjork's legendary snafu has friends! Like Celine Dion's Backwards Suit, Gwyneth Paltrow's Saggy Boob Goth Gown and Corey Feldman's Hammer Pants. All have appeared at one Oscars showdown or another, and all are here for your enjoyment once again.

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· The five Best Picture nominees have earned $97 million since they were announced, more than twice what last year's nominees made in the same time period. Expect a two-page trade ad from the Academy touting that sum in 248-pt. font over the words "BIGGEST. OSCAR. BUMP. EVER." [Variety]
· Former Hobbit Dominic Monaghan has been cast in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. He won't be subjected to further brutal spirit-gumming sessions, however, as he doesn't play a mini-Wolverine, but "a mysterious character...who has the ability to manipulate energy and electricity." Aw, we wanted a Wolverinezuki! [Variety]

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When it comes to the Oscars, who you bring is just as important as who you wear. And sure, it used to be cool to take your significant other or your mom, but now, thanks to one little off-the-cuff remark from Michael Moore, you're nobody unless you bring a dictator. On Tuesday, while walking the red carpet at the Semi-Pro premiere, the rotund documentarian joked about wanting to take the newly retired president of Cuba, Fidel Castro, as his date to the Academy Awards. As he says:

"I got some great news today because I was trying to figure out how I was going to get Castro into the Oscars and for me he resigns today so he can come to L.A. and go as my guest and perhaps give the acceptance speech."

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Lindsay Lohan's recent decision to strip down to nothing for an egregiously under-airbrushed New York magazine pictorial recreating a sitting from the last days of a similarly troubled™ screen icon was enough to raise more than a few Hollywood eyebrows; shock-starlet watchers questioned whether dabbling a freckled toe into softcore waters could lead to a headlong tumble into the dark, cokepant-strewn abyss. Most of those concerns were put to rest, however, the moment noted momabler Dina Lohan assured the world that the photos were in fact not-at-all desperate, completely non-exploitative art. Now, via an E! Online exclusive that doesn't at all give off the pungent whiff of publicist-planted damage control, we learn that Lohan's career is right back where she wants it to be, including a starring turn on the big screen alongside the extremely bankable and A-listy Jack Black:

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This weekend's episode of Saturday Night Live will not only be its first since the WGA Strike shut down production of the show back in November, but it also marks the debut of the show's newest cast member, Casey Wilson. If that name sounds familiar, that means you're probably a regular at LA's outpost of the Upright Citizen's Brigade. Wilson has been a regular on the comedy scene for some time now, writing and directing several UCB shows, including Rode Hard and Put Away Wet and Worst Laid Plans, as well as her work with Harold teams "Sentimental Lady" and "Hey, Uncle Gary!".

Despite the notoriously hectic SNL schedule, Wilson was gracious enough to steal five minutes from her show prep yesterday for a quick phone interview with Defamer's own Molly McAleer. The two briefly chatted about how Wilson came to join the The Not Ready For Primetime Players, as well as what we can expect from tomorrow night's Tina Fey hosted episode:

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The decade's best Oscars host Steve Martin (we still cherish his Best Actor intro line, "gay poet, crazed artist, a shipwrecked victim, a roman gladiator....but enough about me...") stopped by the Late Show with David Letterman last night to catch up with his old friend. Touching upon the topic of the writers strike, Martin, like so many of his fellow scribes, suddenly found himself with an abundance of free time, which he chose to fill by "writing movie scripts and TV pilots...and then I would sell them to the studios."

Martin saves his more sardonic barbs for Letterman's scab-encrusted nemesis--after the jump!

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Except for (maybe) George Clooney, the nominees for Best Actor at this year's Oscars aren't known for playing it safe on the red carpet. From Daniel Day-Lewis's preference for tiny suits to Viggo Mortensen's disdain for anything bland, we're not accustomed to seeing plain penguin tuxes from this group. But judging from their track records, they all have ways of showing their true colors without actually wearing them all at once. So we reviewed their greatest hits and greatest misses to figure out which way they should swing on Sunday.

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It's a scene far more horrific than anything Wes Craven could dream up in one of his films. Wes Craven is being sued by Pauly Shore! [insert dramatic music sting] Yes, the legendary director and the legendary weasel are neighbors, and have been engaged in a Hatfield/McCoy-style feud for quite some time. Currently, the Weez is suing Craven because he feels that Craven caused a landslide on his property when he made some home improvements. Not only that, Pauly claims that Craven failed to properly eradicate the rodents burrowing in their shared hillside. Yet the twisted tale does not end there. Apparently it was Craven who sued Pauly first, way back in June. Craven said that when Pauly added a pool and spa to his Hollywood Hills home, he caused water to seep down a slope and damage his property. Totally bogus, buhhhhdeee!

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The question on the minds of the glossy mags isn't who will take home little gold men on Sunday night, but rather who'll make the biggest fashion faux-pas. And there's no shortage of mistakes made by this year's Best Actress nominees in the past. But we aren't hoping for new additions to the Fashion Police Hall of Fame; instead, we went digging through the archives to find the biggest mistake all five actresses tend to make in the style department, and our suggestions for which signature looks they should keep in mind to achieve sartorial success come Sunday.

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Exciting news for actress/singer/fragrance magnate Jennifer Lopez and singer/actor/Caesar-supporter Marc Anthony, for the two are the proud parents of bouncing baby twins--one J and one Lo--born shortly after midnight in a New York-area hospital. Having dropped a rumored $6 million for the privilege, we now acquiesce with a bow and a flourish to People's J-Lo! Twins! Birth! Exclusive!:

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