Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Inside The “Intriguing” World Of Tilda Swinton’s Love Life
4:58PM Clem Bastow | Here at Defamer Australia, we know that you – our lovely readers – are a discerning bunch, but that you also sometimes just want to hear about celebrity relationship gossip. Well, we are pleased to be able to bring you both with this tale of proper actress Tilda Swinton (you may remember her as Orlando, or perhaps as the Angel Gabriel in Constantine, memorably telling Keanu Reeves “You’re f–ked”) and her wild and wacky love life!
In “Celebs! They’re not much like us at all, really” news, the UK press are fascinated by the cult actress’ decision to have both a long-term partner (who is the father of her children) and a lover, and the fact that all three are apparently perfectly happy with this set-up. Read on!
This week, a handsome German-born artist named Sandro Kopp – 29 to her 47 – was playing the role of consort.
…
But the question of who is playing a supporting role to Ms Swinton is not exactly clear cut. For at home – a spectacular pile on the banks of the Moray Firth – is Swinton’s long-term love John Byrne.
And yesterday he revealed that he is very much a part of Swinton’s life still.
Indeed, he made it clear that he and Swinton still love each other, and that they continue to raise their ten-year-old twins Xavier and Honor together at their whitewashed home, which is in a secluded spot at the end of a tree-lined road.
This is extraordinary enough.
But there’s more.
Is there, The Daily Mail? And is this “more” also “extraordinary”? You mean some people have unconventional love lives and are, gasp, actually happy? We don’t believe it – we simply don’t believe it! Pray tell, what of the rest of the family?
The twins, it emerges, were with Swinton and her lover at the Bafta’s ceremony, and returned to the family home as a group – including Kopp – on Tuesday afternoon.
They were greeted at the door by Byrne, who helped them with their cases.
The unconventional menage then retired inside.
Kopp, it seems, is staying over in Scotland for a few days, with the full blessing of Byrne, an eccentrically bewhiskered figure who, aged 67, could almost be cast in the role of grandfather.
…
The locals are kept busy trying to work out what on earth is going on behind the closed doors of the Swinton-Byrne residence.
The truth, according to associates of Swinton, is that she is very deeply in love – with both men.
And far from being a passing phase she is said to hope that it continues indefinitely. “All I can tell you,” said a London associate of the actress, “is that Tilda is delightfully, extremely happy.”
We bet she is! The article goes on to provide some lovely quotes from all involved, as well as Swinton’s mother and a few locals, who seem bemused if impressed by the extended clan’s modus operandi.
We love it! Tilda Swinton is now officially Defamer Australia’s new Sting and Trudie “We Actually Quite Like Checking Out Sex Clubs And Sucking Each Other’s Toes” Styler, and we for one welcome our new polyamorous overlords! More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: No, Seriously, Daily Mail – Tell Us What You Really Think About Blake
4:33PM Clem Bastow | While Winegums appears to be going tentatively from strength to strength at the moment, what with her recent Grammy sweep and continued attention to her health and wellbeing (new tooth? Check! Rehab? Yes, yes, yes!), No Good™ husband Blake Fielder-Civil is still in the clink.
To celebrate ease her pain at his absence, Amy has been seen being squired around by someone the papers are calling “Blake II” – American photographer Blake Wood – and, gee, we can’t work out if the Daily Mail think he’s a better bet than “Blake I” or not. You see for yourselves:
The superstar chanteuse does not seem to have to look very far to find herself a new man sporting the same name as her unfortunate husband.
And if anything, Blake Wood – or Blake II – could be seen as something of an upgrade.
This one is reportedly a clean-living, teetotal, drug-free American vegetarian. Most shocking of all, he apparently has a job.
We suggest, like Diane Wiest in Parenthood and “that Todd”, that the UK press – hell, everyone! – just starts referring to Blake Fielder-Civil as “that Blake”.
That oughtta sort him out good and proper! More » 
Awww, Looks Like Tim Campbell And Anthony Callea ARE Totally In Love After All!
2:12PM Jess McGuire | Bless them to bits. Wee pop midget Anthony Callea and his Shout star buddy Tim Campbell spent much of the past few months denying they were anything more than two gay men who loved nothing better than hanging out in a platonic way, but dammit – they’ve thrown their friendship and caution to the wind and are now officially Australia’s Favourite Homosexual Couple In Showbiz! Well, they’re probably our only homosexual couple in showbiz (we’re not counting Gav and Waz from The Block), so we’ll take what we can get.
Ex-Home and Away actor Campbell made it official to Vega’s breakfast team yesterday, under tough questioning from ex-Big Brother housemate Chrissie Swan.
“There was stuff written in the paper a while ago . . . and actually Anthony and I are a bit of an item at the moment,” Campbell said.
“The question was asked a while ago and we weren’t, but we have gotten to a point where we are very happy together.”
Our icy heart just melted a little. You go, girlfriend! More » 
People Of Melbourne Not Sorry To Turn Their Back On Brendan Nelson
2:09PM Clem Bastow | Defamer Australia was fortunate to attend the massed gathering at Melbourne’s Federation Square this morning, where around 8000 people watched Prime Minister Kevin Rudd deliver a moving, intelligent, compassionate and, yes, long overdue apology to the members of the Stolen Generation and for the damage and hurt that it caused Australia’s Indigenous people.
Unfortunately for just about everyone there, we also watched opposition leader Brendan Nelson deliver his “apology”, which was about as sincere as Jonah saying “Sorry, ranga!” and went a little something like this (and we’re paraphrasing, so no quoting us in your school projects): “My mum said I had to apologise to you, but you lot should take a long, hard look at yourselves and get your hand off the bottle and the petrol can, after all, our grandfathers died in the war for you, or something, and no one wants to be born in a remote Indigenous community, anyway, so we did the right thing – it’s not our fault you’re having a cry about it now.”
As one increasingly incensed young professional type next to us shouted, “You’re demeaning the whole f–king country with your words.”
And while we were moved to tears by Kevin’s speech and by the faces of the members of the Stolen Generation who attended Parliament as distinguished guests, we were equally moved – in a slightly different way – when Melbourne decided en masse to tell Brendan what we thought of his speech. This was the view from where we were standing:
Yes, Melbourne turned their backs on Nelson (not before one memorable skater dude in front of us stood for a good two minutes with double flipped birds aimed at the screen), a fact that was duly noted by the ABC’s Tony Jones the moment he returned to the telecast following the adjournment.
The Age has footage of the moment here, and we were proud of both parts of Melbourne’s reaction to this wonderful day – proud to be a part of saying “sorry”, and proud to tell Brendan Nelson he is, in fact, a dickhead. More » 
New Video Clip From Sime Nugent – “Be There Soon”
1:12PM Jess McGuire | We were most pleased to get a link in our inbox (not a metaphor, but perhaps a nice wish for Valentine’s Day tomorrow all the same) to the new video clip for Sime Nugent’s lovely track “Be There Soon”.
The video is described by the creators as follows -
“Made entirely from one family’s 1956 home movies, Sime’s new video provides a rare view into Australia’s past – with plenty of reverberation with today’s Australia.”
It is, in short, marvellous. Watch it for yourself after the jump. More » 
Tony Abbott Embraces His Inner Corey
12:54PM Jess McGuire | We have been quite amused by The Papers and their glee over Tony Abbott’s Corey-esque weekend adventures, when the former Government minister (it feels SO GOOD to type former, you know) had to deal with a horde of teenagers turning up to gatecrash his daughter’s 15th birthday party. We dare say it’s the first time a shindig at Tony Abbott’s place has been a weekend must do.
Police were twice called to the Sydney Northern Beaches home of former federal health minister Tony Abbott last weekend when throngs of gatecrashers descended on his teenage daughter’s birthday party.
Neighbours of the Abbotts yesterday said the sheer number of teenagers in the street was blocking access.
“They were all over the road. I was trying to drive down the street and I was frightened I would hit one of them,” one woman said.
Others woke to find bottles and beer cans strewn across their lawns.
A resident across the road told of how distressed the Abbotts were when they saw at least 50 uninvited teenagers congregating outside their Forestville home.
Much like in the case of MySpazz party kid Corey, it appears the exact number of naughty would-be attendees at the soiree is a mystery – we’ve read 50, we’ve read 200 – but on the upside, Tony and the coppers handled things beautifully and there were no arrests.
At least two other parties were being held in nearby streets and it is understood the rogue guests wandered down under the misguided belief that Mr Abbott was holding an open house.
Mr Abbott confirmed “there were a few kids in the street who tried to gain admission to our daughter’s party, but we didn’t let them in”.
“After a while the police suggested they move on and I must say the police did a terrific job,” he said.
We particularly enjoyed the description of the gatecrashers as “rogue guests” and plan to add the term to our vernacular immediately.
The idea that a former member of John Howard’s government would have an open door policy when it comes to folk looking for a better place to go is indeed “misguided”.
Incidentally, last night we hosted our pub trivia evening and included a question about Tony Abbott’s Corey-moment. A friend who had been overseas for a couple of weeks asked “Who’s Corey?” and we were flabbergasted. Was there really a time when Corey was just a name, and not another way of saying “Massive party, dudes!”? More » 
Going To The Head of Foxworthy’s Fifth Grade Class
12:27PM Mark | We’re posting the above video, titled “Jeff Foxworthy is a Perv,” only because it seems incredibly unfair. Anyone would seem pervy when subjected to the slow-motion loops of lip-licking and chest-bouncing depicted in the clip. The moan-y sound effects don’t help matters, either. · Spamalot shows Britney Spears some lyrical mercy. · For one night only, Siegfried and Roy are back! And with animals! What could possibly go wrong? OMG! Tiny bodybuilder! More »We Are Officially Jillian Michaels Devotees
12:13PM Jess McGuire | We have, like many other Australians, been watching the current series of The Biggest Loser. While we are always partial to seeing people with body issues and low self-esteem become totally buffed, the real reason behind our obsessive viewing of the program has more to do with our intense love of Jillian Michaels.
We even started the Facebook group “I would be a better person if Jillian from The Biggest Loser was my friend” which you should feel free to join. Here’s the description, which should help explain our need to worship her.
Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser is a fucking genius. Everything she touches turns to televisual gold. She takes giant unhappy people and turns them into slim, somewhat less unhappy people.
Remember when Shane from The Biggest Loser was all sad and shit and unable to do his push ups, and she was right in his face going “Why do you hate yourself soooooo much? You just think you’re fat and useless, don’t you? DON’T YOU? You don’t feel like you DESERVE to be loved because you’re too FAT” until he cried like a baby AND THEN GOT REALLY BUFF AND HAPPY AND FELL IN LOVE WITH HER?!
If she was in my life, she would totally sort my shit out. Sure, I might weep a lot at first. Maybe the constant jogging and calorie counting would get on my nerves. Maybe I would have a couple of nightmares where her steely eyes burn into my skin as she spots me hacking away at a tub of Homer Hudson icecream with a tablespoon in the middle of the night. Whatever.
Jillian would make me bawl my eyes out, and then look totally hot. That’s all I want from a friend, really.
OTHER PEOPLE FROM TELLY WHO WOULD BE GOOD ADDITIONS TO MY LIFE: Jo Frost aka Supernanny (I could do with being put in the naughty corner from time to time), the whip crackin’ Victoria Stilwell from It’s Me Or The Dog (her stern take-no-prisoners approach to dog parenthood would be beneficial to both me and my pup. Also, I find it mildly amusing that Victoria doesn’t actually OWN a dog, according to her Wikipedia page)
We love collecting brilliant Jillian quotes (from Sunday’s episode, hollered at a contestant who was struggling with weights – “I didn’t fly you all the way over here to have you bitch about your arms so GOOOOOOOOOO!”) but unfortunately we sporadically have a life and cannot watch every episode. If you hear Jillian say something astounding and inspirational and terrifyingly aggressive to a contestant, please email us and let us know so we can use it for Jillian Michaels’ Inspirational And Somewhat Frightening Quote Of The Week. More » Even Chicken Pox Couldn’t Keep A Good Man Down: The Jason Donovan Story
12:04PM Jess McGuire | We’re always looking for advice on how to be healthier from glowing Australian celebrities, so we were most chuffed to read an interview with Jason Donovan where the former Neighbours heartthrob reveals the benefits of a good soak in Dead Sea salts for psoriasis, and that a bout of chicken pox as an adult didn’t manage to affect his virility one little bit.
Worst pain/illness you have ever experienced?
Chicken pox, about four years ago, which I got from the children. It was horrible. I had spots everywhere, like an all-over cold sore.
It can be very dangerous when you’re older and affect your virility, although it hasn’t done mine any harm. It takes a lot to keep me bedridden, but this did; it went on for a month.
Check out all of Jason’s health tips here. More » 
