Throughout the last few weeks in the wake of Heath Ledger's sad death, we've felt more than a little pang of sorrow for Australian supermodel Gemma Ward.

Ward was rumoured to be dating Ledger for the past couple of months (and that was more or less confirmed when her sister Sophie spoke of Ledger hanging out with the fam in Perth at Christmas) and she must be in a very confused place, particularly because in the eyes of the press, she's not really "allowed" to grieve for him properly since they were only just starting to date.

She has apparently just flown home to Perth for Ledger's funeral.

The sombre-looking Ward touched down in Perth as investigators concluded Ledger's abuse of powerful prescription drugs led to a fatal "accidental overdose".

Tests on Ledger's blood detected six different drugs, including narcotic painkillers, anti-anxiety pills and sleep medication.

Ledger's ex, Michelle Williams, touched down in Perth with the actor's two-year-old daughter Matilda on Wednesday.

We must say, we're very impressed at the way the press has respected the Ledger family's request not to seek out the funeral or publish details of it.

If any snappers or reporters set up camp near the service, we'd hasten to guess they'd be taking a very swift chute straight to the fifth layer of hell - or at least to the dole queue.

When it comes to Australian television, there are some things in this world that are a given: Jeannie Little wearing something made out of Chux Superwipes and/or garbage bags, Darryl Somers cracking really bad dad jokes, and Ray Martin on Channel Nine.

Well, you can scratch that last item from the ledger, as the network's golden son has quit in a huff! (Incidentally, he was probably more upset than in a huff; we just wanted to use that term, as we've long wanted to quit a job of our own in a huff, but it's hard to walk triumphantly out of your living room in your pajamas the sort of high-powered and five-star offices the Defamer Australia crew frequent in a hurry.)

It goes without saying that this is massive news; he'll be a big hole in Nine's roster of stars, which is steadily dwindling - and we can't see Tracey Grimshaw being elevated to Ray's echelon in his wake, somehow.

Ray Martin, on a $1.2 million salary, has been unhappy at the restructuring and cost cutting at Nine and has been a constant critic of his employer.

His walkout is a major blow to the once mighty network which has fallen hard into second place in the ratings, and third in advertising revenue.

Martin last night said he was quitting to become a "gun for hire".

"It is not hard to jump off the edge of the carport and fly again," he said.

Word is that the network is happy to see the back of him, having grown increasingly tired of his diva (divo?) tendencies and constant grandstanding.

Ray's been at Nine for over twenty years now, so we'll be interested to see just how he adjusts to being said "gun for hire". The stench of Nine is so deeply ingrained in him that we'll be surprised if anyone will pick him up as a roving reporter now!

Having dispensed with ten or so totally boring minutes discussing the plight of millions of Iraqi refugees with U.N. Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie, CNN correspondent Arwa Damon felt that she'd established enough of a rapport to end their conversation by finally broaching the only subject the network's viewers really care about: "Hey, Angie, are you all knocked up with Brad's beautiful twinsies or what?" From CNN's transcript of Jolie's interview on the refugee crisis:

Damon: There are reports out of Hollywood that... (laughs)

Jolie: Oh don't. Stop it. (interupts I had to ask) Stay true to your tradition. You're CNN. Don't do it!

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Remember that little tidbit about Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears that the The NY Daily News declared just yesterday to be "too vulgar" to print? Well, as everyone who wrote us this week to complain about our Sarah Silverman Is Fucking Matt Damon headline will attest, we're not above (or below) getting our occasional vulgar on. While the tale of Britney and Justin tale pales in comparison to the legend of the Butterscotch Stallion, we'll at least do you the service of burying the fingerlickin' details after the jump.

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Skipping past the block-long line of bottomed-out starlets shivering in their heels as they hoped to gain entrance to Utah's Cirque Lodge, all it took was one weary gaze cast up from beneath a floppy-brimmed hat for the doorman at the hottest rehab facility in the country to unhook the velvet rope from its stanchion and give Kirsten Dunst VIP access. Inside, the Spider-Man series star, for years now dubbed Kirsten Drunkst by an unfeeling tabloid blogging press (curious as to why? This 2005 AskMen.com article, "Why do people call her Kirsten Drunkst?" should answer all your crunk Mary Jane questions) was instantly transported to the Lindsay Lohan Welcome Center and Karaoke Facility for a sparkling cider brunch.

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It's truly been a week for healing and personal triumphs for Paris Hilton, who, fresh off her Late Show with David Letterman appearance, in which the talk show host publicly apologised for their last contentious meeting and offered the heiress full access to his Ed Sullivan Theatre to plug her various, completely immaterial projects and ventures, was also crowned "woman of the year" yesterday by the Harvard Lampoon. It was an honour she showed up in person to accept, where she gave the Ivy League institution her trademarked, temperature-based papal blessing:

"Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine standing here on the steps of the Harvard Lampoon receiving the woman of the year award," she told the students gathered outside the castle-like, red-brick building that houses the Lampoon.

"You guys are so hot," she added. "Harvard's hot."

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Having already offered you a glimpse at the making of the Vanity Fair Hollywood Issue Hitchcock portfolio, including some of the most incredible fake-emoting from Renée Zellweger we've seen since Oscars cameras caught Keira Knightley trying to look happy about Reese Witherspoon's Best Actress win, we thought it only fitting to now show you the final product. We put a few of our favourites after the jump; the rest can be found here. Pay particular attention for one classic shot of Seth Rogen fleeing from a crop-duster that finally answers the age-old question, "What if Cary Grant was a paunchy, 20-something Canadian Jew?"

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Terry Gilliam's pledge that the Parnassus show will indeed go on just got a shot of quasi-validity. Amid reports that production has been shut down, the movie's online marketing campaign began taking root this week. Not only did (an admittedly bare bones) official website go live, fanboy outpost Quick Stop managed to get their hands on the first official teaser image (with another to follow). However, there's still one little problem that needs resolving. Namely, what to do with Heath Ledger's remaining scenes?

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We'd like to begin this post by emphatically stating that getting your car broken into SUCKS. We have been there, it is awful, and we genuinely empathize with Katherine Heigl and her emasculated husband Joshua during this time of need. But, having gotten that out of the way, we'd like to point out a few of the more absurd things about this clip. First and foremost, we'll begin with TMZ's editorial decision to set up a clip about a car being burgled by using a scene from ... wait for it ... The Great Muppet Caper!

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Just a few weeks after announcing the next James Bond movie would be called Quantum of Solace (a title that, for us at least, evokes Stephen Hawking staring wistfully out a Cambridge library window more than it does tuxedos and Walther PPKs), producers have now released the film's teaser poster.

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In an unexpected development sure to rock the sentient-sportscar-voiceover world, Variety reports NBC has announced that it's had to make an 11th hour substitution in its casting of KITT for the network's soon-to-debut Knight Rider movie, rushing last-minute saviour Val Kilmer (Val Kilmer!) into the studio to redo all of the dialogue already recorded by outgoing Mustang-inhabitor Will Arnett.

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· On last night's Late Show, Dave and Vince Vaughn hopped into the Career Wayback machine and revisited the time Vince nearly got his ass kicked by a steroid-enhanced Peter Billingsley. An after-school special classic!
· Amy Winehouse will miss the Grammys because she been denied a U.S. visa; the Embassy fears she might attempt to use her bloodstream to smuggle enough drugs into L.A. to kill everyone in the Staples Center. [rimshot]
· Wisely, John Mayer knows that all bloggers must be allowed no closer than 30 feet to him, even on supposedly safe cruise ships.
· Hey, unicorn! [via our favorite unicorn pusher]

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Why would Marc Jacobs personally invite K. Fed to his impossible-to-get-into show tomorrow night? Because he's the cleverest fame-whore of them all, that's why! With Britney making more headlines than ever but, um, unavailable for public appearances at the moment, Marc knows something the other designers don't: the sheer presence of Kevin Federline will catapault his name into the headlines during what has been an unusually slow Fashion Week. The kicker? The appearance happens on the same day as, you guessed it, Britney 's bombshell profile in Rolling Stone hits newsstands!

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While most Hollywood pretty boys would likely take out insurance against body hair if they could, furry Welsh rabbit Tom Jones has instead embraced his pelt, insuring it to the tune £3.5million ($7.6 million), reports The Sun. While it seems as though his shiny, healthy coat was in little danger, coming too close to an open flame could instantly send the money-making man-carpet up in flames, inevitably leading to plummeting ticket sales for the singer when horrified fans discover a nude torso peeking out from his open shirt like something out of their worst Hugh Grant nightmares. [The Sun]

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Larry Birkhead and integrity go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise. While we have never held him in anything even remotely approaching regard, we think that this clip might one day go down as his lowest moment. That goes for those creeps over at The Insider, too. This clip of Birkhead trotting out Dannielynn to the Bahamian gravesite where her mother is buried repulses us on more levels than we care to count. But we'll try.

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Though still plagued by (an ever-diminishing) uncertainty about whether they'll be executing their full Hollywood's Biggest Night™ vision or putting on their picket-line-crippled Reading Some Names N' Watching Montages Writers Strike Contingency Spectacular in two Sundays, the Academy has no choice but to make all the customary stops on this year's pothole-riddled Road to Oscar. Having just whet the awards-obsessed public's appetite by revealing the closely guarded kobe-slider secrets of Wolfgang Puck's Governors Ball menu, it was time yesterday to give the media a sneak peak at this year's exceedingly ambitious, Roy Christopher-designed $450 million Kodak Theatre set.

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Defying both the media blackout and the current spirit of Cautious Optimism keeping the industry from throwing a premature Everybody's Going Back to Work! Parade on Hollywood Boulevard before a new WGA contract is signed, former Disney boss and current trading-card magnate Michael Eisner declared an end to the writers strike earlier this afternoon on CNBC's Fast Money:

"It's over," Eisner said. "They made the deal, they shook hands on the deal. It's going on Saturday to the writers in general."

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Corey Haim is back, Hollywood, and he knows that he's let you down in the past by never realising the tantalizing promise he displayed in License to Drive, Dream a Little Dream and Blown Away, but he's ready to get to work and heal the wounds caused by his long absence from your television and film sets.

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· Anxious that the Oscars are approaching and he still has no real idea of whether or the WGA--obviously a little preoccupied with their own issues--intends to grant a waiver for their awards ceremony, Academy president Sid Ganis begs the Guild for answers so that complicated logistical issues can be resolved. "We're running out time! [desperate punctuation ours]," wails Ganis, pleading for the sweet release of either a simple "yes" or "no." [Variety]

· Hard-to-kill Heroes cheerleader and Official Friend of the Dolphins Hayden Panettiere joins the cast of teen comedy Daydream Nation, possibly opposite a Culkin. [Variety]

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Even if Fox's The Moment Truth never lives up to its Apocalypse-beckoning advance billing , the show will have provided a valuable service to the very society it's so far failed to destroy in exposing a disturbing deception far more widespread than we ever could have imagined: the artificial enhancement of male "packages" by means of designer jean/Dockers/mankini stuffing.

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We thought going from number-one on Charlie Sheen's speed dial to laundromat owner was bad, but Heidi Fleiss redefined the word by getting herself arrested in Nevada today. Never one to shy away from excess, the former madam had not one but two controlled substances in her possession when the cops pulled her over. But far more disturbing than the arrest is the current state of Heidi's face, on full display in her booking photo. We'd noticed she'd slipped well into the Awful Plastic Surgery archives a few years ago, but we hope the officers send her to a surgery addiction shrink instead of jail; there's enough lip on Fleiss to award at least three other inmates with brand new collagen treatments. [TMZ]

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