Saturday, February 2, 2008
Silence, Mon Schnabel
12:30PM Seth | Sean Young: Drunk, and wanting Julian Schnabel to get on with it already. The Julie Chen version. The video. The rehab announcement. On the bed! On the floor! On a towel by the door! She’s fucking Matt Damon! ET and The Insider compassionate Heath Ledger-next-to-some-drugs-video story kill. But do fellow stars deserve the credit? We got SAGgie Fever! Travolta’s got Middle Earth Fever. Ryan Seacrest just has regular fever. What’s Angelina hiding under that tent? Why’s she just drinking water?? It’s twins, silly! Yayyyyy! The Wolf Man loses a perfectionist, but does it gain a Ratner? Not necessarily. Another week of Britney insanity we can barely keep track of, so just click here. Tom Cruise and John Travolta nearly fall for the old Heath Ledger’s Dad Needs a Plane Ticket to America swindle. Ryan Seacrest, sweaty teens, muscle suit, tennis ball cannon: Do the math. Stewie Griffin: Gay. Jessica Alba is damned if she’s hot, damned if she’s knocked up. Mr. Phil’s
Katherine Heigl Brings Her Rousing ‘Emasculation Of Joshua’ Tour To Harpo Studios
12:11PM Mark Graham | Fresh off an exhilarating birthday bonanza and an electrifying stop on The Late Show with David Letterman, Katherine Heigl brought her nicotine-stained 27 Dresses promotional tour to the Oprah show earlier this afternoon. Being the consummate pro that she is, she did NOT let the opportunity slip through her fingers to knock her new husband Josh “Call Me Joshua” Kelley down a few pegs. More »
Star Jones Celebrates Her Last Show With A Hooker
11:58AM Mark | Wasn’t it only yesterday that they announced Star Jones’ show was getting dumped? These TruTV people work fast. · Our wishlist for the guy to fill William Katt’s tights in the Greatest American Hero movie, in order of desirability : John Krasinksi, Steve Zahn, Willie Aames, Justin Timberlake. (Please, Will Ferrell, let this one go.) · This is what your condo will look like if you choose to pay a sure-to-be obscene sum to live in the new Grove in Glendale. Orderlies at UCLA psych ward are now apparently transcribing Britney Spears’ calls for TMZ. We agree with Rambo Review Kid: Shitdicknipples kind of sucks. More »
11:26AM Mark Graham | Ready to experience ‘The Ultimate’? The MTV Movie Blog reported earlier today that writer/director David Wain is contemplating putting together a musical adaptation of Wet Hot American Summer, the 2001 cult fave that is to comedy nerds what Strunk & White is to English majors. Even though we’re almost 100% certain that Wain pulled a fast one on the cub reporter and has no serious intention to make this happen, the sheer possibility that it might one day happen is enough to make us pound a 2-liter of bug juice. Now pardon us while we go hump a refrigerator. [MTV Movie Blog via Lindsayism] More »
‘Make Me A Supermodel’ Now Basically The Reality TV Version Of Pervy Coco Screen Test Scene From ‘Fame’
10:56AM Seth | We’ve already admitted to you our growing fascination with thinly veiled child-sex-trafficking game show Make Me A Supermodel. (Small side note: Has the term “supermodel” lost all currency? Is it now the fashion world equivalent of the term “porn star,” with any XXX-come-lately to successfully wrap a dp scene instantly elevating themselves to the level of a Courtney Cummz or Naomi St. Clair? But we digress.) Forced to up the naked ante from last week’s naughty boudoir challenge, producers dispensed with all manner of propriety, and had the remaining contestants strip bare for a drawing class. More »
Eva Mendes For CK Fragrances: A Floral Blend of Gin, ‘Cane and Boozy Burps?
10:36AM Defamer Hollywood | Calvin Klein has always been a fan of drugged-up stars, but this morning’s announcement that the designer picked Eva Mendes to star in his Spring `09 fragrance campaign makes him look less like a “fan,” and more like a druggie Obsessive (uh, get it?). Klein, of course, is not only the man behind those heroin chic denim ads featuring (ahem!) Kate Moss in the 90s, but he’s also been in and out of the revolving rehab door once or twice himself. While TMZ reports that the designer’s decision to feature Eva in ads for the spring spreads came hours before her announcement, we’re starting to wonder if Klein isn’t just some pill-popping, powder-snorting design wiz like the rest of ‘em. More »
Dr. Drew Leads Emotional Intervention To Figure Out How Non-Addict Joanie Got On ‘Celebrity Rehab’
10:13AM Mark | Last night’s installment of Celebrity Rehab delivered perhaps its most poignant moment since decided to convert the Pasadena Recovery Center into a melancholy-tinged version of its Surreal Life house. In a move we’ll assume is generally unnecessary inside the walls of a rehabilitation facility, Dr. Drew and his troubled, semi-famous charges staged an intervention on behalf of Joanie Chyna in a desperate attempt to figure out why, exactly, she’s on the show; as an avowed non-alcoholic or drug-abuser, Joanie’s very presence was so bedeviling to her fellow addicts that such a drastic measure was required to puzzle through the mystery of her casting. More »
9:29AM Seth | It’s been nothing short of a whirlwind for STG Chris Bernheisel since the bubbly, bribe-bearing Kelly Clarkson interpretist was introduced to the world on Tuesday night’s episode of American Idol: He already has appearances lined up on TV Guide Channel’s Idol Chat (where he’ll meet the King of Idol Casualties Justin Guarini), and Access Hollywood “plans to fly him to L.A. soon” to talk hair product with Billy Bush. Still, the brass ring of famewhoring STG appearances so far remains out of reach, despite haven’t now sent 71 videos to Ellen DeGeneres begging to appear on her show. We humbly suggest she take him up on his offer, before the next package winds up containing something far more oozing and Iggy-head-shaped than a relatively harmless videotape. [Reality Blurred] More »
Jessica Alba, By The Numbers: Rotten To The Core
8:51AM Mark Graham | Our first indication that something might be awry with Jessica Alba’s career came not when that guy on TRL told her that getting pregnant was “Not cool, dude”, but rather when we saw the one-sheet for her new movie, The Eye. While certainly a captivating Photoshop job (ish), we found it fairly bizarre that Lionsgate would choose NOT to use the beautiful visage of one of the most lusted-after actresses in the world to promote their film. But then we did some research on Rotten Tomatoes and realized something very important. Save for fanboy fave Sin City, no one really seems to have liked any of the films she’s starred in. More »
