Yes, But Is He Single?

Bloody reporters. They’re constantly going on about the importance of “facts” but they forgot to deliver one particularly important piece of information to the reader in this article regarding the Claremont Crapper (name Defamer Australia’s own) – is he available to catch any woo we may perhaps decide to pitch his way? We don’t want to tread on anyone’s toes, you see…

A 28-year-old Claremont man repelled fellow passengers when he defecated repeatedly over the seats of a Metro bus, Hobart Magistrates’ Court heard today.

The Hobart Mercury reports the court heard that John Dennis Dymond boarded the bus in Main Road, Claremont on May 1 last year.

The driver noticed Dymond went to the rear of the bus and moved from one seat to another in rapid succession, police prosecutor Jennifer Wood told the court.

After Dymond got off the bus, the driver discovered human excrement on the seats.

Bus security video footage showed Dymond defecating on several seats, checking the tail of his T-shirt and sniffing his fingers, the court heard.

Sounds like a finger lickin’ good time, if you ask us. But we’re suffering from a real lack of sleep today.

Also, are we alone in thinking Australia’s Grubbiest sounds like the sort of Channel Ten special which’d be hosted by Sandra Sully or someone of that ilk?

(Yes, the photo we’ve used for this post isn’t of the Claremont Crapper himself – it’s one of the LOLMETAL pictures that made us laugh in a deranged manner and we felt like using it, so cease your judging).