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Paparazzi Blog Sources Claim Angelina Jolie Has Two White Blobs In The Oven
Posted by Seth at 9:53 AM on January 25, 2008
Reluctant as we are to fall headlong into the gurgling, powder-scented embrace of any celebrity baby news delivered to us Xclusively by the suspicious-item blogging arm of international paparazzi outfit X17, their report that globe-traipsing orphanologist Angelina Jolie is heavy with not one but two biological offspring (Brad Pitt's two-headed fish can swim!) seemed to us almost too exciting a possibly-true story not to pass along to our readers:
X17online inside source confirms that she's not only pregnant, she's expecting twins!
Faced with the introduction of 200% more amorphous-white-blob to her system than she has ever been able to withstand before, we predict Jolie will have a hard time adjusting to the concept of eating for three, knowing all along that many Third World countries aren't even capable of adequately feeding one. Still, if the news is true, it's unbelievably joyous, if for no other reason that Shiloh can use all the extra manpower she can get in the greatly mismatched Refugees vs. Wombies family volleyball tournaments their mom insists on mounting at their Malibu compound.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
OldTowneTavern
Posted 12:04 PM 25/1/08
Between Brangelina's offspring and the Halle Berry/Male Model concoction, this higher level of physical beauty might be too much for this world.
OldTowneTavern
heidi
Posted 12:04 PM 25/1/08
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am more than happy to take Shiloh off their hands.
And I promise I won't eat her or anything!
heidi
kifbox
Posted 12:04 PM 25/1/08
As long as she and Brad don't try Sauteed Placenta with Baby Vegetables I am cool with it...
kifbox
gwendemarco
Posted 6:46 PM 24/1/08
Let's go aboriginal!
gwendemarco
tonashideska
Posted 6:10 PM 24/1/08
And which third world nation will have the privilege of delivering the blobs?
tonashideska
Decebal
Posted 5:48 PM 24/1/08
Twins!!!!!! Ain't Karma a Bitch!!!! She hates her biological golden child and now she gets stuck with two more who "have not suffered" like the others.
All is not lost, at least there will be two more nannies in this town with job security.
Decebal
Miss d
Posted 5:15 PM 24/1/08
So now you're telling me her lesbian lover has a penis (or a pre-warmed turkey baster...)...
Miss d
Desk_hack
Posted 7:57 PM 24/1/08
@tonashideska: I'm thinking Fresno.
Desk_hack
raincoaster
Posted 7:10 PM 24/1/08
I betcha she's just taken adoption a step further and is surrogating some Third World fetuses, one African, one Asian.
raincoaster
DianneRR
Posted 8:47 PM 24/1/08
Sigh. I don't know why this grosses me out so much, but it does.
I am putting Brad and Angie in the dead pool.
DianneRR
cutewhenfrustrated
Posted 8:57 PM 24/1/08
She seems determined to show the world the many ways she can acquire children. It's like some weird motherhood physical challenge - she can out-parent and out-birth anyone. Quads next?
cutewhenfrustrated
windowface
Posted 3:05 AM 26/1/08
she's just working overtime on the new orphanage she's setting up. you know, the one where she gives them her bio children but then adopts them right back, so she can feel good about herself and love them more?
windowface
mielikki
Posted 6:05 AM 26/1/08
Twins?
Does every celebrity pregnancy have to start in a Petri dish these days? I suppose that's what happens when you starve yourself into amenorrhea and have mucho disposable income.
I think I'll wait until somebody else other than X17online has it. I always have to run at least 2 spyware scans after I visit their website. It makes me feel so dirty.......
mielikki
priestess
Posted 12:47 PM 25/1/08
All I ever read about is anorexic actresses getting pregnant. Then they write about them being pregnant. Then they run stories on "how they lost the baby weight". Finally, they run more stories about their glowing, lithesome bodies. My God, where's Gloria Steinem when you need her? Women as inflatable dolls. UGH!
priestess
ATL_Girl_Publicist
Posted 9:42 AM 28/1/08
I am so sick of people coming down on Brad and Angie for wanting a big family. They have plenty of resources to care for these kids and by all accounts are doing a great job. When Brad was with Jen and said he wanted 7 kids nobody was outraged. Just because he's getting what he wants with Angie is no reason to suddenly find fault. If the pregnancy rumors are true, I say congrats! And, if they're not true, I say keep on keepin' on, Pitt-Jolies. I think you're great.
ATL_Girl_Publicist