Due to the wonky editing, I am concluding that the "Deep Sea Diver" and the "Stunt Performer" must have either driven off that cliff or blown their brains out..

swirlogirl

Two weeks ago, the government was controlling my mind. Today, with the help of Tom Cruise and Kirstie Allie and Dianetics I'm fully professional. The government will never forgive them. I fly planes. Thank you.

The Closer

@BOGART SHWADCHUCK: If you know the URL to the "full version that's been online for years" feel free to post it, because this is the first I'd seen of this clip.

bonniegrrl

I saw this video when I went for the orientation in college, for a paper I was writing. This isn't even the creepiest part. The worst is David Miscavidge's (sp?) concluding remarks, in which he glares piercingly at the camera with that OTVIII Stare and tells the viewer something along the lines of, "You could walk out of here now and never give another thought to Scientology. You could also blow your brains out, or drive off a cliff."

KingHater

@PandoraSpocks: It does feel good to laugh, doesn't it?

mollmoll

@Trixie from Toronto: he was raised as one since he was a kid. you have to forgive those raised in a subculture.

wilmawonker

I came over here because I got sick of making Nazi jokes on the Heidi Klum post, and here's a whole new roster of glassy eyed bots. No blonds, though, is there? Hmmmm.

Michael Jahn

If LRH was "licensed to captain any ship in any ocean," that would explain the Exxon Valdez and the epidemic of diarrhea on cruise ships.

Michael Jahn

@NYM: Yikes, it really does look like Tim Matheson.

Martita

Cheez Whiz, Scientology overlords...was it really necessary to throw the audio out of sync as soon as an Asian person started talking?

metroville

@NYM: Mitt Romney?

Metcalf

Scientology fixed all of Alley's, Archers, and Cruise's problems. Don't you want to be just like them?

spanktastic

Is the tall guy Tim Matheson???

NYM

A world crass explorer?

B-Side

And yet it still took Jenny Craig to get her off the cupcakes.

TedSez

This video is crying out for commentary from MST3K

viruswithshoes

@Trixie from Toronto: According to the omnipotent Wikipedia, it's true. Same with his wife and father.

I'm more surprised to learn that, because of Scientology, Wing has given up singing and is now designing clothes.

guitarsnob

@Trixie from Toronto: Wish I could. Sorry. Hugz...

viruswithshoes

It can't really be true, can it, that Beck is a Scientologist? It's just a joke, right?

Please tell me it's just a joke.

Trixie from Toronto

"To tell you the honest to gods truth, without Scientology, I would be gay."

guitarsnob

Wow! You saved this to get us out of our Heath is Dead Funk, right?

PandoraSpocks

If by "recently unearthed" you mean "clipped from the full version that's been online for years"...

Bogart Shwadchuck

@kathotdog: So sadly, the Tom Cruise award video was a vast improvement in terms of production value with the glowing amoeba chyron and interstitial swooshing torches of diamond-encrusted flame.

Sweet Panda Love

LRH was a professional filmmaker, but he couldn't see fit to pass down that skill to the Scientologists that made this crap - some messiah.

kathotdog

Just finished reading alittle something about their membership stats - so much for being the world's biggest growing religion - they'd be lucky to have 100,000 world wide (if that...), and the numbers are dwindling as people get to OTVIII and think "I've wasted my life for this?"...

Miss d

Given this video - I think I'd opt for drive off the cliff. I mean, if those are my only options.

Sweet Panda Love

The best part of that piece on Scientology in the New Yorker a couple of weeks back was how Kirstie was so fucking proud of the suite in the L.A. Celebrity Centre she had designed. Bitch put wallpaper on the exhaust hood over the stove. Gold-and-blue "Chinese" patterned wallpaper. She must be destroyed.

lawyergay

The Chef is Jack McBrayer, right?

heidiho

LRH fully professional in 29 different fields: aviation, filmmaking, music and bat sh*t crazy.

Friedneckbones

@KingHater: YES! You beat me to it. I saw the video at the fortress on Sunset in May 2006. Friends were visiting and we all agreed that it would be a memorable experience. The "church" bought the building from the adjacent hospital and as such the bathrooms were styled for kids in this creepy primary color scheme. We were the only ones in the screening room, and our "guide" waited for us outside the door. At the end of the video David takes a step closer to the camera with each menacing remark. Then he glares RIGHT AT YOU and ends on that whole "blow your brains out" thing. We were screaming with laughter. And fear.

On my "question card" I asked if Tom Cruise was gay, and our young, overly attractive host laughingly told us that Tom couldn't possibly be gay as he is married. Clearly the delusion is deeper than we thought.

NoWireHangers

Oh, he was a "master mariner". That must explain the ascot... and the love of semen!

Thank you! Try the veal.

Hez

@Martita: Well apparently he used to boink Kirstie Alley, so it would make sense that he would be a member, maybe even just for a little bit.

spielarama

Who's the host, Troy McClure?

Tiger_Tanaka

Travolta AND Alley?

So in other words, Scientology was responsible for "Look Who's Talking", "Look Who's Talking Too" AND "Look Who's Talking Now"?

Those fuckers...

HowardRoarkLaughed

He also broke with it for a time I believe, or at least distanced himself.

Probably after seeing 'Battlefield Earth.'

Tenno

@wilmawonker: So where was the teenaged rebellion? If ever parents needed to be told: "What, are you people fucking crazy?" this is it!

Trixie from Toronto

@Trixie from Toronto: Totally...I read he was born into the cult, though....so that is redeeming perhaps by a hair?

Moimeme

All this shit has put me right off one of my all-time favorite songs, Leonard Cohen's "Famous Blue Raincoat,"
because he sings about going clear. Right. Going clear to Bellevue.

Michael Jahn

well, i'm sold. this all seems much more on the up and up than i had originally thought. can anyone point me towards the nearest e-meter?

i'm ready to start playing with life.

lasertronic

@Truculent: He was one of those classic hack writers who could hack in 29 genres -- not just SF.

Michael Jahn

@lawyergay:

That must be another Scientology power. US or People magazine was gushing about Katie Holmes "designing" boxes of Sprinkles cupcakes for Christmas gifts. In actuality, the items were already made and she just pointed to what she wanted.

NotReadyForPrimeTime

Will there be punch and pie? Is so, where do I sign up?

ciaomanhattan

The chef sounded super gay!

rosserfan

I thought he was only a hack science fiction writer. Yet he also inspires well-dressed men with slight British accents to extol his virtues. Maybe there's more to this Scientology than meets the eye...

Truculent

If you have time please watch minute 11:41 - 12:04 at:

[www.videosift.com]

What is the difference between Dianetics and Scientology?

"Ron clarified that...Dianetics is for the (redefined as) 'what the soul is doing to the body'... Scientology is for the (redefined as) the study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, universes and other life."

Thank you. Clears it right up.

independentthinkerdude

@NotReadyForPrimeTime: I dunno, I've seen him around town with Jason Lee and other Scientology buddies, and they seem like happy little zombies to me. But I'd like to believe that somewhere in that shaggy head of his, he knows it's all BS.

heidi

@Moimeme: @Trixie from Toronto: @Tenno:

He may have been blackmailed into staying somehow. They use all that auditing information against you if you try to leave.

NotReadyForPrimeTime

@heidi:

I think he may know something about the deaths of Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake. They worked with Beck at one time; they both complained of being harrassed or stalked by Scientology people before they died.

Beck claims he barely knew them, but I think he is trying to distance himself out of fear.

NotReadyForPrimeTime

So let me get this straight - CO$ reckon L. Ron was Lassie?

Miss d

In the full-length film, a Communicator says, "Man has never had a greater friend."

I don't know. Once, I cheated on my girlfriend and got the crabs, and then I gave the crabs to her, and my buddy said that he originally got the crabs, and then wore my pants while freeballing it, and that's how I got the crabs. Beat that, Ron.

badhatharry

@Trixie from Toronto: Exactly. You've never heard of "lapsed Catholics [or Jews or Hindus or anyone]"? Or conversions (I myself having converted from the religion in which I was raised to one that I actually believe in)? One can think for oneself, even if it means parting from the tribe of one's ancestors.

BabylonSister

@NotReadyForPrimeTime: What could they have on him? He smoked dope and jerked off as a teenager?

Beck ... please .... step into the light. Soldier Jane would want it that way!

Trixie from Toronto

@Trixie from Toronto: Could be anything. I don't believe he speaks to his mother anymore, since she is considered SP. Could be lots of family secrets he doesn't want revealed.

NotReadyForPrimeTime

Beck is like scientology royalty.

His family's background is Scientology AND he married into a prominent Scientology family as well.

He is married to actress Marissa Ribisi, the twin sister of actor Giovanni Ribisi. Their mother Gay Ribisi is a personal manager in LA for celebs - among them of course scientology celebs like Jason Lee.

web_mom

Scientology may have saved Kirstie's life, but ham made her happy.

itmustbeken

I played with life until mom told me it would make me go blind.

thrillwill

The vid is still being played at the NYC Scieno Center in Times Square. I visited it for a lark. Those people are craaazy!! The lady who spoke to me never stopped touching me. She was always guiding me by the hand or putting a book in my hand.

By the way, the pastor (in the "church" scene) in the vid is an actor, not a real pastor. Also Tory, the lady towards the end of the vid, has been out of Scieno for years. She now helps spread the truth about the cult.

lothar

@Furious_George: Protip: make sure you give them an alias, and don't give them any e-mail address you're not comfortable having spammed with Scientology tracts for the next billion years.

Furious_George

This video has been publicly available on the 'net for years in its entirety, so I will back up anyone who's made that claim.

Furthermore, I highly recommend a (hopefully inebriated) trip to the L. Ron Hubbard Life Museum in Hollywood. It's the best ironic museum trip you'll ever take. Not only does the tour feature this video, but it also features a hilarious anti-psychiatry video in which it is claimed that psychiatry is "an international Soviet conspiracy." And this, over a decade since the collapse of the USSR! Those crafty Russians: always keeping us guessing.

Furious_George

@bonniegrrl: Just search for "Scientology Orientation", it's in full on Google Video, in pieces on YouTube, and most likely elsewhere. It's been kicking around in one form or another for a couple of years. Unfortunately it's all "cam" sourced and shitty quality, but not quite as shitty as the clip in the original post.

Bogart Shwadchuck

Ms. Alley says "The honest to God truth". Hilarious.

TCameron

Oh! And as far as music is concerned, how could I forget the infamous "Road to Freedom" with such Scientology luminaries as Frank Stallone, Leif Garrett, and Karen Black singing the words of L.Ron? If you haven't heard any of the aforementioned albums, they are truly hilarious.

GreenMold

@kathotdog: Kathdog, if you think the films are bad (and I agree with you 100%), you should listen to the "music." There are some tidbits of delightful insanity out there: "Space Jazz," "The Apollo Stars," and "Mission Earth" to name a few. This is the music of the enlightened????

GreenMold

At first I thought by "Beck" you all meant that soccer guy, Beckham. The one whose wife hangs out with Katie Holmes. Had to go to the Wiki and see what you really meant.

The headaches are coming back...

dutchtreat

If this vid didn't orientate the viewer out the door quicksmart then maybe it's a good thing we have Scientology - at least we've got a label for that particular brand of nut!

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