‘Idol’ Committed To Giving Every Small Town Gay In America Their Music-Raping Moment

While American Idol positions itself as the greatest singing competition in the history of the world–and, let’s face it…It is! It really is!–it also performs a crucial secondary service for which it too often goes uncredited: Introducing America to the Small Town Gay .
It’s hard to believe, but before Simon Cowell arrived on our shores to douse the dreams of a generation of deeply deluded underachievers, the STG was a practically nonexistent entity on the pop-culture landscape. Thanks to Idol, however, we can regularly familiarize ourselves with these lovable heartland outcasts during their unspoiled formative years–before they come of age, depart their dead-end towns for gay-friendly metropolitan centers, then monopolize all the retail jobs and gym equipment within a 40-mile-radius. So to every STG with a Kelly Clarkson song in his heart and a dream, we salute you. Gay on, our gay brothers.

• americanidol.com