Daniel Johns = Not Gay (Or Possibly Was Gay Before Being Lured Back To Heterosexuality By Breakfast Radio Host)
Daniel Johns decided to use Melbourne’s Big Day Out on Monday to put those “He’s doing it Greco-Roman style with Paul Mac!” rumours to rest with a rather succinct public announcement.
For the past few years, there’s been speculation about Daniel Johns’ sexuality. But the Silverchair frontman wants everyone to know – he’s not gay.
At Monday’s Big Day Out in Melbourne, Johns told the crowd in no uncertain terms that he’s a red-blooded heterosexual male.
“I’m not f—— gay,” he said between songs.
To show he doesn’t care what anyone thinks, Johns wore a lacy garter on stage.
You show ‘em, oh peroxided one.
We heard a rumour that Daniel’s firm declaration he loved nothing more than hunting vagina in his spare time was possibly prompted by an encounter by JJJ breakfast radio host Marieke Hardy on Saturday.
Being ruthless journalistic types (cough), we spent the entire day trying to track Hardy down in order to interrogate her about her relationship with Daniel Johns. She was a hard nut to crack, but eventually we Guantanamoed the truth out of her – here’s the official “word for word” statement we managed to “extract” from the pint sized lass.
“He kissed me hello and goodbye on the cheek – definitely a reason to proclaim rampant heterosexuality before an adoring crowd of thousands.”
WHORE! First Hamish Blake and now Daniel Johns? Leave some for the rest of us, you quick-witted harlot! We say that with love, of course.
- Next Post: Young Vs. Schnabel At The DGA Awards: The Video »
- « Previous Post: Drunkard With Low Self-Esteem Tries To Pass Himself Off As Richard Wilkins In Order To Escape The Fuzz
Comments
Proof once again that marieke/fits/holly etC is ACE, and Daniel needs to think about what comes out of his mouth:” Never knew we were living in a world with a mind that could be so small” indeed, homo-something… What would Daddy Mac say?
Dear Daniel,
It could be the divorce, it could be your massive tour, it could even be the bleach, but sweetie it’s obvious you need a vacation. I’m concerned and I care so that’s why I’m inviting you to come snowboarding in Park City UT. (as in not skiing because that’s for mentally defective people and we don’t want to put you in their company when you’re already seemingly frustrated) After a few runs down the mountain you’ll feel like a new person. Trust me. Then you can go back to the lodge, have a beer, sit the hot tub and write a hit song. You may even decide to shave or ditch the skinny jeans. I’m happy to help you find a replacement for those, perhaps ones that don’t limit your oxygen supply (which could also very well be making you feel irritable).
Now I personally prefer The Canyons Resort because it’s a little less touristy in my opinion which seriously cuts back on the amount of crazies you’ll encounter. However, if you want to be within walking distance of Main St. where all the “action” is, Park City Mountain Resort is nice too. Then again, The Canyons are only a five minute drive to main. Parking can be a bitch on the weekends and you have to pay for it but if you’d rather not I suppose you could take a taxi too.
There’s no shortage of snow this season so you could probably come at the end of March or beginning of April and be fine. However, I don’t recommend this because (A) not alot of powdery yummy snow then (B) it appears as though you will very possibly be clinically insane by then.
Much love, best of luck, watch your language, say hi to your mom for me and stop wearing the garter. It’s just strange.
Hope to see you in town!
Warmly, Lisa