Boyfriendless ‘Idol’ Finalist Leads Millions To Wonder: ‘Am I Claysexual, Too?’

An ABC News investigative report suggests the mainstream media has grown completely bored of the “Clay Aiken: Gay?” angle, and is now turning to all-new categorizations ending in the suffix “-sexual” to solve the mystery of the American Idol ejectee’s true leanings. In a recent New York interview, Aiken again skirted the personal-life issue by saying, “I have got too much on my plate. I’d father [sic?] focus on one thing and do that when I can devote time to it, and right now, I just don’t have any desire.” Assuming the word “father” was in fact a typo, and not some Freudian manifestation of the singer’s daddy issues, the admirably in-depth article then seeks out the counsel of certified sexologists and practicing asexuals, all in dogged pursuit of Aiken’s official team affiliation: Is he a Non-Practicing Gay? A Sexless Servant of the Broadway Gods? Or perhaps a third, yet-to-be-named category: The Claysexual, who forgoes all manner of internet-facilitated carnal knowledge in devout pursuit of Christmas carol knowledge and delivering ovary-quaking pleasure to legions of female fans.

• Could ‘American Idol’ Star Clay Aiken Be Asexual? [ABC News]