Thursday, January 31, 2008
YouTube Clip Of The Day
4:33PM Jess McGuire | Check it, old school Neighbours fans – it’s the Ramsay Street Olympics! Prepare to marvel at the athletic prowess of Erinsborough’s most beloved residents (circa the late eighties) as you witness the following clashes!
- Scott v Mike in the swimming
- Madge v Mrs Mangel in the cycling
- Charlene v Jane in the roller skating
- Jim v Des in the sprinting
More » 
Yes, But Is He Single?
4:07PM Jess McGuire | Bloody reporters. They’re constantly going on about the importance of “facts” but they forgot to deliver one particularly important piece of information to the reader in this article regarding the Claremont Crapper (name Defamer Australia’s own) – is he available to catch any woo we may perhaps decide to pitch his way? We don’t want to tread on anyone’s toes, you see…
A 28-year-old Claremont man repelled fellow passengers when he defecated repeatedly over the seats of a Metro bus, Hobart Magistrates’ Court heard today.
The Hobart Mercury reports the court heard that John Dennis Dymond boarded the bus in Main Road, Claremont on May 1 last year.
The driver noticed Dymond went to the rear of the bus and moved from one seat to another in rapid succession, police prosecutor Jennifer Wood told the court.
After Dymond got off the bus, the driver discovered human excrement on the seats.
Bus security video footage showed Dymond defecating on several seats, checking the tail of his T-shirt and sniffing his fingers, the court heard.
Sounds like a finger lickin’ good time, if you ask us. But we’re suffering from a real lack of sleep today.
Also, are we alone in thinking Australia’s Grubbiest sounds like the sort of Channel Ten special which’d be hosted by Sandra Sully or someone of that ilk?
(Yes, the photo we’ve used for this post isn’t of the Claremont Crapper himself – it’s one of the LOLMETAL pictures that made us laugh in a deranged manner and we felt like using it, so cease your judging). More » Eau de Kate Moss (And Other Fragrant Delights)
2:50PM Jess McGuire | This is probably the most interesting concept for a website we’ve come across in a while – caricatures of celebrities alongside a list of ingredients which would theoretically make you smell like the star in question!
Take Kate Moss for example...
Like the gentle waft of burnt matchsticks in a public lavatory, Kate Moss exudes a subtle, yet poignant stench. High pitch floral notes are all but lost on this denim vixen!
- Damp ashtray
- Grilled asparagus
- Lemon Verbena
- Juniper berries
- Mascara crusts
- Fresh linens
- Chanel No. 241
- Interior old leather pumps.
Roll into little balls of clay and drop them in your purse. These bad boys are more powerful than mothballs!
We love it! Bravo, Elspeth Tremblay. We hope to manipulate you into performing works of artistic mischief for Defamer Australia before the month is out… which means we have until this evening, we suppose. More » 
The Sound Of Two Hands Clapping
12:36PM Mark Graham | Earlier today, Oprah emerged from her Oprahphagus long enough to welcome the world’s fastest clapper onto her show. While we haven’t scientifically verified this, we’re also betting he’s the world’s fastest masturbator. If you’re wondering how one goes about getting kicked off the My Little Pony fan forum, here’s a handy primer. Since when does Indiana Jones have a bazooka? This probably means that The Beouf will be wielding a flamethrower. Paris Hilton spent last night frenching Elisha Cuthbert in NYC. We can think of worse ways to spend a Tuesday night. And lastly, looks like we just might have a baby J. Lo by this time tomorrow. Happy happy joy joy (or something). More »Not The Most Impressive Display Of Dame Edna’s Razor Sharp Wit, We’ve Gotta Say
11:54AM Jess McGuire | It seems Dame Edna emerged from her sick bed (well, Barry Humphrey’s anyway…) to soak up the theatrical Canuck brilliance of Rufus Wainwright. She had the following things to say about Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears.
The Moonee Ponds matron has advised Winehouse to “have her tattoos removed and get rid of that spooky-looking husband”.
But she wouldn’t even draw breath on Spears, saying, “I think advice is wasted on a non-entity like Britney”.
That’s it? That’s your smackdown? Disappointing. Especially from the host who (according to one of our mates who thought it was pretty much the greatest thing ever) introduced Michael Bolton to her talk show recently with a quip along the lines of “He’s someone who has had over a dozen hits… to his website.” More » 
Katherine Heigl Spares No Expense In Repurchasing Birthday-Boy Husband’s Love
11:53AM Seth | We can think of no better way to cap off a Wednesday than by relaying for you all the details surrounding Katherine Heigl’s overcompensating 28th birthday party for the new husband she completely took for granted on a recent Late Show with David Letterman appearance. We now bring you directly to the PEOPLE EXCLUSIVE report, live from the Katherine Heigl’s-husband-appreciating birthday scene. (All hors d’oeuvre descriptions must exclusively credit PEOPLE EXCLUSIVE.): More »
11:15AM Mark | Long before Dr. Phil first browbeat a thick-headed Oprah couch-guest into taking control of her drug/weight/self-image problem (we think we’ve covered the likely bases there) and ushered in a bold new era of daytime TV tough-love, there was Montel Williams, who, unlike the aforementioned, shouty fake-doctor, hardly needed to raise his voice to let the troubled know it was time to shape up. Alas, the Montel Era is coming to a close at the completion the current season, the show’s 17th. Maybe it’s just our grief talking, but we feel like it’s not the craziest thing to hope that Williams might soon be fielding a call from Barbara Walters, offering him a chance to be The View’s first penis-bearring permanent co-host, as seemingly countless days listening to Sherri Shepherd’s nonsense have finally made her consider shaking up their tired format. [USA Today.com] More »
10:39AM Seth | A reader from San Francisco sent us the link to their Flickr gallery documenting the Castro’s transformation back to its 1970s heyday for the filming of Milk, including this first known shot of Sean Penn as the openly gay city supervisor, pictured on a prop election poster. For comparison, here’s a shot of the real Harvey Milk outside the camera shop that acted as his campaign headquarters. The facial hair discrepancy suggests to us Penn decided to go Method-bear with his performance. [Flickr] More »
LOLCATS Are Dead, Long Live LOLMETAL
10:28AM Jess McGuire | Frankly, if you’ve been on the internet at all over the last year (and as you are reading this online, we’ll presume you have been) you need no introduction to the concept of LOLCATS.
Now the world wide web offers up LOLMETAL.
See them all for yourself. More » 
