Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Daniel Johns = Not Gay (Or Possibly Was Gay Before Being Lured Back To Heterosexuality By Breakfast Radio Host)
3:32PM Jess McGuire | Daniel Johns decided to use Melbourne’s Big Day Out on Monday to put those “He’s doing it Greco-Roman style with Paul Mac!” rumours to rest with a rather succinct public announcement.
For the past few years, there’s been speculation about Daniel Johns’ sexuality. But the Silverchair frontman wants everyone to know – he’s not gay.
At Monday’s Big Day Out in Melbourne, Johns told the crowd in no uncertain terms that he’s a red-blooded heterosexual male.
“I’m not f—— gay,” he said between songs.
To show he doesn’t care what anyone thinks, Johns wore a lacy garter on stage.
You show ‘em, oh peroxided one.
We heard a rumour that Daniel’s firm declaration he loved nothing more than hunting vagina in his spare time was possibly prompted by an encounter by JJJ breakfast radio host Marieke Hardy on Saturday.
Being ruthless journalistic types (cough), we spent the entire day trying to track Hardy down in order to interrogate her about her relationship with Daniel Johns. She was a hard nut to crack, but eventually we Guantanamoed the truth out of her – here’s the official “word for word” statement we managed to “extract” from the pint sized lass.
“He kissed me hello and goodbye on the cheek – definitely a reason to proclaim rampant heterosexuality before an adoring crowd of thousands.”
WHORE! First Hamish Blake and now Daniel Johns? Leave some for the rest of us, you quick-witted harlot! We say that with love, of course. More » 
Drunkard With Low Self-Esteem Tries To Pass Himself Off As Richard Wilkins In Order To Escape The Fuzz
2:29PM Jess McGuire | This story tickled us in all the right places yesterday.
A deceptive diner who downed vodka shots at trendy Melbourne restaurants then refused to pay told police he was entertainment guru Richard Wilkins, a court has been told. James Evans, 39, of Hampton Park, and his friend downed four double shots of vodka and a bottle of wine at Silvio’s restaurant in Richmond about midnight on January 27.
They left without paying the $85 cost and were so drunk they could barely stand, the Melbourne Magistrates Court was told today. At lunchtime the same day the pair downed 10 shots of vodka, a bottle of wine and salad at the Blue Chillies restaurant in Fitzroy, Senior Constable Scott Casey said.
Bar staff followed Evans out onto the street after he refused to pay the $130 cost.
On both occasions, Evans had no wallet or cash on him, the court was told.
When arrested by police, he gave a false name of Richard Wilkins, later admitting “he was just trying to be funny”.
Which is more than the real Richard Wilkins ever managed to pull off on the red carpet. More » Letter From The Editor
11:41AM Jess McGuire | Well, HELLO – welcome to my home.
/end Brenda Dickson mode
Just a quick note to say that although Defamer Australia has had a slow, almost plodding start to the week, things should be back on track tomorrow. Our beloved Associate Editor is having a wee holiday (and by that, I mean ’short sojourn’ and not some sort of urine themed vacation) and yours truly has spent the past two days attempting to get a new phone/connect a new phone/reassure half the address book in my old phone that I do not, in fact, wish to have naughty things done to my back passage despite what the text messages sent at all hours by Bjork the drunken bandits who acquired my telephonic device at the Big Day Out would have them believe.
Tomorrow the Australian blog posts will be pumped out with frightening propensity, so you’d better buckle up and hold on.
Also, you look very pretty/handsome today. Have you done something different to your hair? Lost a little weight?
x
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Male Fans Issue Resounding ‘Not Cool’ Re: Jessica Alba’s Pregnancy
11:15AM Mark | Don’t look so put out by that dude who’s not cool with your knocking-up, Jessica Alba. He’s the one who’s helping to pay for little Cash, Jrs. baby clothes. As long as she’s got a bottle of wine and two other jilted lovers, Maggie Gyllenhaal doesn’t need AMPTP and his lies. · Christian Brando, Christopher Coppola, whatever. Close enough. You know times are tough when the CAA Death Star bothers to lean over to devour the stringy, unsatisfying flesh of the fully grown in a desperate attempt to sustain itself. Well, sure. If no one tells the Japanese tourists that the little person the guy from Herman’s Head has just reduced to tears is supposed to be standing in for a child, of course they’re going to be a little disturbed by such an upsetting tableau. Seriously, though: if you watch only one video of a muscle-suited, 1994-era Ryan Seacrest having tennis balls fired at him by 12-year-olds, make it the one we posted this morning. Continue to ignore it at your own peril. More »
Gwyneth Paltrow Emerges From Career Hiatus, Fails To See Shadow, Returns To Her Mothering Hole
11:14AM Seth | Having perhaps developed a new sense of perspective on What Really Matters since surviving a kale-induced gastrointestinal attack, Gwyneth Paltrow has again emerged from self-imposed career hiatus to deliver an important announcement on the current state of her always-tentative relationship to stardom. Sadly, however, the words “red-carpeted hole in my soul that no amount of baby-burping can fill” appear nowhere in the declaration, as the actress tells U.K. magazine Now that she currently has no immediate plans to return to Hollywood’s ass-kissy embrace: More »
11:01AM Defamer Hollywood | Britney Spears, her no longer estranged mom Lynne and sketchball manager Sam Lufti hit a Beverly Hills Mercedes-Benz dealership earlier this afternoon in search of some good old-fashioned retail therapy. Brit Brit arrived on the scene dressed in typical scattershot fashion: faux intellectual glasses, the dirtiest pair of cowboy boots west of El Paso and some sort of belly-baring lace-accented sweater thingie. And in case you’re wondering, no, she didn’t buy anything. Good thing, considering she still doesn’t have a valid driver’s license. [TMZ] More »
Olivia Munn Slips, Falls, Doesn’t Sue G4TV For Workman’s Comp
10:54AM Mark Graham | G4TV’s impossibly shiny haired co-host of Attack Of The Show, Olivia Munn, sure is a trouper. During a bit that aired near the end of Friday’s episode, Munn took a nasty spill while writhing about in a shallow pool of baby oil (and you wonder why we DVR the show every night?). Turns out that her slip-n-fall bruised more than just her ego; after the show was completed, paramedics were called to the scene and she was “whisked” away to a local hospital. More »
10:45AM Seth | Spare us the LaBeouf jokes for a moment, if you please, and feast your eyes on this beefcake centerfold spread of Shia LaBeouf, apparently one of the photo interstitials not used for his SNL hosting stint. If the udder delights on display aren’t to your liking, we encourage you to at least forward the link onto any plushy enthusiasts and/or Shia admirers in your life, who can use the materials to inspire all new LaBeoufian dress-up fantasies without having to revisit the familiar Transformers and Holes themes. [Towleroad] More »
Seth MacFarlane: ‘Stewie Griffin Gay, And The Parents TV Council Can Blow Me If They Don’t Like It’
10:05AM Seth | The Advocate cornered Seth MacFarlane, the multi-talented creator of venerable envelope-nudging Fox animated hit The Family Guy, for an off-the-velvet-cuff conversation about how homosexuality figures into his own brand of flashback-reliant comedy. Despite an affection for musical numbers that would suggest otherwise, MacFarlane is straight. Still, he’s had the opportunity to explore his same-sex-loving side through his voicing of Family favorite Stewie, who’s evolved in recent seasons from a nefarious infant hellbent on world domination, into perhaps the only TV diaper-pooper grappling with his own sexual identity. Some highlights from the highly entertaining exchange follow, including a graphic proposition for frequently outraged Family-monitors, The Parents Television Council: More »
YouTube Clip Of The Day
10:01AM Jess McGuire | Folks, is anyone else excited that YACHT ROCK IS BACK?
Let’s find out how the Kenny Loggins masterpiece ‘Footloose’ came about, shall we?
More » 