Saturday, January 26, 2008
‘Supermodel’ Devolves Into A Girl-On-Girl-On-Guy-On-Guy Free-For-All
9:05AM Seth | We must admit, for a reality show we initially wrote off as being pointless and shamelessly derivative, Bravo’s Make Me A Supermodel has us by the throats. We’ll watch some episodes two, three, 17 times. It’s also the rare reality show we insist on watching alone. Go figure! With that surfer/D.J. creep Dominic sent packing by America last night, mumbling something about how ill-fitting shoes have cost him his shot at male supermodel greatness, we could finally get down to brass tacks: More »
Threatening Phone Calls Cause Author Of Scientology Expose To Go Into Hiding
9:00AM Defamer Hollywood | The Church of Scientology has a long history of harassing those individuals who dare question their controversial doctrines. While they mostly utilise legal channels to do so, there have been more than a few whispers over the years that they sometimes deploy members of the church to do the harassing in person (the most recent example being Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake, the couple whose mysterious dual suicides were recently chronicled in the pages of Vanity Fair). Now author Ian Halperin, who infiltrated the Church and wrote about in a book called Hollywood Undercover, has drawn so much attention from Hubbard’s mobsters that the scribe has been forced to go into hiding. Defamer received communication from Halperin late last night regarding threatening phone calls he had just received, phone calls that prompted him to get outta Dodge for awhile: “Tonight I received a call from an unknown number saying, ‘If you enjoy breathing, shut your fuckin’ mouth,’ and then they hung up. Tomorrow I think I’ll go stay at a friend’s place up in the mountains for a while until it all dies down.” Yikes! While we sometimes wake up in fear that crazed LRH disciples have left the severed head of Kirstie Alley in our bed, we are beginning to have some suspicions that perhaps Halperin is getting a wee bit paranoid during his fifteen (well, to be fair, thirty) minutes of bold-faced fame. That said, you can never be too careful. RELATED: BATTLE OF THE SCIENTOLOGY SCRIBES [DEFAMER] More »
Second Exclusive Claims Insider Knowledge Of Angelina Jolie’s Super-Secret Twins Pregnancy
9:00AM Mark | Late yesterday, we expressed some healthy skepticism about x17online’s claim that an “inside source” had exclusively–exclusively!–revealed to them that Angelina Jolie, in her latest extravagant act of generosity to a world desperately in need of the salvation that only her womb can provide, had decided to become pregnant with twins, providing Chosen One Shiloh with the much-needed back-up the genetically perfect, anointed toddler will need to carry out her future missions of mercy across the globe. More »
Brit-onomics: How Britney Spears Stimulates Spending
8:57AM Seth | Portƒolio magazine brings a new angle to the Britney Spears story, asking, in their report “The Britney Economy,” just how much money the singer and unfit-mothers’-rights activist produces annually. Beyond record sales, Wal-Mart scent exclusives, and cancelled concert tours, the mere act of Britney being Britney, indulging each and every one of her increasingly unpredictable whims, winds up putting cheesy-bread on the table of countless paparazzi, gossip magazine editors, hair-extension technicians, and coffee-blending artisans, to the tune of a whopping $US120 million per year: A Britney photo garners anywhere from $250 (for a run-of-the-mill shot of her at Starbucks) to $US100,000 or more. More »
Papa Joe Simpson Strikes Again, Taking Down Jess’s ‘Career’ One Cease And Desist at a Time
8:34AM Defamer Hollywood | We know that we’re only eight years into the Aughts, but we’re pretty sure that Joe Simpson has got the Worst Father Of The Decade Award wrapped up. Ever since the sinister minister took the reigns of boobalicious daughter Jessica’s “career” (which was like, on her 2nd birthday), he’s managed to turn his dingbat cupcake into an oh-no-she-didn’t laughingstock (ChickenOrFishGate 2004, anyone?), a divorcee at 25, and a has-been in the music industry. Oh, and then there’s the rousing success story that was Blonde Ambition (still stuck at $US6,422). The latest double-whack Joe’s served to Jess include setting her up on a doomed-from-the-start fiasco of a relationship with Cowboys QB Tony Romo, who’s since dumped her admittedly fine ass, and now, turning against the always Simpsons-friendly OK Magazine by (yes, really) handing them a “strongly worded letter” demanding a retraction. More »
This Morning In Official Denials Of Inaccurate Reports Emerging In The Wake Of Heath Ledger’s Untimely Death:
8:30AM Mark | “Absolutely at no time are we going to be interviewing her. We never had any plans to interview her. At this point we are just waiting for the Medical Examiner’s report,” says the NYPD in response to a story that they intended to lock Mary-Kate Olsen in an interrogation room lit only by a single, flickering lightbulb until she revealed all the secrets of her phone calls with the 911-bypassing masseuse who discovered the actor’s body. “[A] complete crock of s[hit],” hisses the oft-embattled publicist for Mel Gibson, annoyed about an item spuriously claiming that Gibson is anti-gay-cowboy, and “turned cold” towards Ledger for ignoring his allegedly terrible career advice about turning down Brokeback Mountain. [People, Rush & Molloy] More »
7:39AM Seth | Hey, you remember those Annie Leibovitz Disney Dream Portraits featuring your favourite stars in classic scenes from Disney animated movies? Well, there’s a whole new batch of them, including JLo and March Anthony as Princess Jasmine and Aladdin, Jessica Biehl as Pocahontas, Tiny Fey as Tinker Bell, and Judah Friedlander as the Walrus from Alice in Wonderland! OK, maybe not that last one. [Just Jared] More »
10 Ways ‘Meet The Spartans’ Can Achieve ‘Epic Movie’ Greatness
7:34AM Mark Graham | After hearing the news last February that Britney Spears had shaved her head, most of us reacted with shock, quipped to a friend (”that bitch crazy!”), clicked on a picture or two and went on about our lives. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, on the other hand, immediately began thinking about ways they could squeeze the moment into their annual low-brow pop culture mash-up to-be. Judging by the trailer for the duo’s Meet the Spartans, inspiration never truly came, but that didn’t stop ‘em from using the moment anyway. In the trailer, a Spears lookalike shears her locks and begins cooing in her breathy baby voice, only to be — wait for it! — kicked into the pit from 300 by a Gerard Butler clone. Hilarious, right? More »
On ‘Celebrity Rehab,’ Dr. Drew Teaches Jeff Conaway’s Girlfriend About Why He Claims To Have Severe Menstrual Cramps
7:19AM Mark | Yes, yes, we know what we said last week (and, um, the week before that) about trying to shake the Celebrity Rehab monkey off our back, but, like the self-destructive guests of the Pasadena Recovery Center (except for Chyna, who’s completely faking just to get some more Vh1 screen time), we’re powerless against that which is bad for us. Now that the disclaimers about our own human failings are out of the way: More »
