As most of you would be well aware, we had to take down our coverage of the MySpacePartyTeenWhoCannotBeNamedForLegalReasons on Wednesday night after the kid in question was arrested. Our boss posted about this and scared us half to death with his use of long words and phrases which contained many syllables, like "sub judice contempt" and "Cell Block H". Thankfully, with some very clever editing (well, replacing the teen in question's name with [REDACTED] in each article), we're now able to put 'em back up!

- Best Party Ever!
- A trip to Frankston Maccas!
- Admiring [REDACTED]'s chutzpah!
- Planning a new party!
- The man himself is pleased with his Facebook tribute group!
- Don't touch his famous glasses!
- [REDACTED] arrested!
- Hanging with Ben Cousins!

Now we're off to find something better to write about. Also, anyone know of any kickarse parties happening this weekend? [REDACTED], WE'RE LOOKING AT YOU HERE.

PS: Thanks to Mess and Noise for the Slurms-photo inspiration.

Looking for the Tom Cruise Scientology videos? We've got 'em. Here's the Scientology indoctrination video that got started it all ("I won't hesitate to put ethics on someone else"), here's the highlight reel and here's the clip of how Tom Cruise saved America after 9/11. Phooot!

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Disappointed that we can't buy and devour Tom Cruise: An Unauthorised Biography in Australia?

Dry those weeping eyes! For the various news outlets in the country are determined to read us a bedtime story from the book every day, or so it seems - and today's chapter concerns Tom's Speedo-wearing Australian pal and rumoured Scientology recruit, James Packer.

Are you ready children? Then let's begin:

"Dominated by his larger-than-life father (the late Kerry Packer), James Packer cut a sorry figure, overweight and out of shape.

"Not only had his One.Tel communications business collapsed, but his wife of just two years had walked out on him.

"His 'ruin' was obvious to anyone - and it did not take long before he was reading Scientology literature."

Morton says Mr Packer was specifically targeted by Cruise, who by mid-2002 had resolved to dedicate his life to Scientology.

He suggests Cruise offered Mr Packer a role as a samurai extra in the film The Last Samurai solely to convert him.

Mr Packer was quickly seduced, saying later he admired Cruise for his humility, values and decency.

Aww, poor widdle Jamie! He told his friends about One.Tel - and then he had no friends! How kind of Tom Cruise to swoop in and cheer him up - after all, it's Tom's "responsibility" as a ScientoLOLogist to help out in situations of dire need - he is "the authorities"!

To celebrate this ongoing madness, here's some vintage John Safran after the jump - Who Wants To Be An Operating Thetan Level VIII?

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Well, we may have made up the tears bit, but we're sure The Smiling Supermodel turned her smile upside-down somewhat when she heard - after the fact - that the strike was going to delay production of George Miller's 2manySuperheroes flick, Justice League Of America - in which she's reported to be playing Wonder Woman.

We bet she went straight home and kicked her Jennifer Hawkins voodoo punching bag for a few minutes then went "surfing" with Andy Lee.

George Miller's mega-movie, which was due to be shot at Sydney's Fox Studios, has become the latest victim of the US writer's strike.

Many in the cast and crew were given a week's notice on Wednesday but others, including DJs darling Megan Gale who was expected to play Wonder Woman, were still in the dark yesterday.

December Boys star Teresa Palmer and The OC's Adam Brody were also slated to star in the flick.

The film's producer, Barry Osborne declined to talk about the delay when contacted by Confidential yesterday.

"We have so much to sort out," a staff member from the film's production office said.

"We don't want to make a comment until our crew know what's going on."

We'd just also like to take a moment to congratulate Sydney Confidential on this scintillating opening slug for the article - we've bolded the best bit: "It's a case of 'up, up and not away!' for Justice League of America".

That's poetry in motion, that is.

Very sad news this morning from the UK that Lily Allen - who was expecting a child with boyfriend Ed Simons from the Chemical Brothers - has had a miscarriage after returning from a holiday.

The Sun had early reports from "a source" on the topic but soon updated the story to reflect an official statement from Allen's publicist:

Her spokesman said: “We can confirm that Lily Allen has suffered a miscarriage. She and her partner Ed Simons will be making no further comment and we ask that their privacy be respected during this difficult time.”

Poor Lily. Defamer Australia sends its pitifully inadequate virtual condolences and hugs across the pond.

As anyone who spends their day trawling Facebook while wasting time at work will slowly be becoming aware, Facebook is starting its slow slide down into MySpace-esque crapness. The "random adds", the shitty applications that make you invite 20 people before seeing your results, the ads for Christian stadium gigs and low-rent bikinis - and now, the arrival of the 'celebrity profiles'.

Confidential has picked up on the trend, but only scratches the surface of the issue. They reckon there's a group called 'Proud Australian Celebrities' - they're wrong, there are in fact two 'request to join' (i.e. invite-only) groups - and they're doozies. Let's look at them, shall we?

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There's some rumblings in the local union scene as Australian Workers' Union national secretary Paul Howes visited the AWG strike in Hollywood and offered "solidarity" to the striking writers.

He reckons a local 'sympathy strike' is needed to show support for the writers and to make it clear that similar stoushes about new media rights are just as possible here - but Australian screenwriters aren't so sure.

Mr Howes said the issues facing US screenwriters - who are pushing for royalties for new media, such as films and TV shows sold over the internet - would affect Australian writers, making it their fight as well.

"We haven't seen in Australia the full potential of online downloads of television shows," he said. "Most Australians aren't downloading Home and Away or Neighbours on to their iPod and watching it.

"This will eventually come to Australia."

Geoff Brown, executive director of the Screen Producers Association of Australia, disagreed with Mr Howes, saying the Australian industry differed from the American studio-based system.

"It's not our fight," he said. "It's got nothing to do with us, nor can we influence the outcome.

"We're here to try and develop an Australian independent production industry, so our goals are somewhat different."

We're inclined to agree with Brown, though mostly because we really, really want to know who Milco is, and we're not bloody likely to give up the satisfaction of finding out for a little bit of solidarity from the colonies!

YOU CAN NEVER TAKE OUR FREEEEDOM!

· Actually, it kinda looks like a dude to us.
· Spoiler alert! The Cloverfield Monster ... revealed! Click only if you must.
· "Did I, at any point, say to you, 'Flip the genre'? No. All I said was to put in a few more song and dance numbers."
· If the advance quotes are any indication, the new Pixar tell-all is going to read like a Dreamworks animation picture.
· We agree with The Fiddler, Ledger's Joker looks for the world like Beetlejuice.
· We loves us some Tina Fey, but the trailer for Baby Mama looks stillborn.

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Last night was the premiere of Cloverfield on Paramount's lot, an event they were kind enough to invite us to. Without getting too deeply into the what and the how of it, we'll only say that the movie was the rare release to receive a unanimous thumbs up from Defamer HQ: short, slick, and ferociously sweet.

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Never content to rest on their laurels, it appears that the Associated Press has put the final, Strunk & White approved flourishes on their obituary for pop princess Britney Spears. No, you didn't miss anything -- Britney is still alive. Usmagazine.com spoke with AP entertainment editor Jesse Washington, who calmly and objectively asserted that if Britney were to pass away, it would be "easily one of the biggest stories in a long time." You can't put one by that Jesse Washington cat! We applaud both him and his organization for their ghoulish resourcefulness. [USMagazine.com]

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Are your two weaknesses in life music and film?

Finally - AT LAST - the two will be coming together this weekend in Melbourne for the launch of the doco Super8 Diaries. From the press release...

This launch party is a DIY warehouse show in a big old warehouse in Richmond. The courtyard will have a cinema set up to screen a portion of the diaries which will also be available to purchase for $20 with a free Coopers pale ale.

The bands will be playing in the art gallery space which will also have a photographic exhibition from 4 of Melbourne's most prolific fringe dwellers - Ben Butcher, Olivia Desianti, Brett Frost and Mark Fastcanoe.

This thing kicks off at 1pm and there will be a BBQ catering to both carnivores and herbivores.

This is a really fun and diverse line-up of bands from Perth, Melbourne, Sydney and France.

Running times

11.55 - 12.45 Baseball (50)
11.15 - 11.35 Made For Chickens By Robots (20)
10.15 - 10.55 Tucker Bs (40)
9.30 - 10.00 film screening (30)
8.40 - 9.15 Ladybird (35)
7.50 - 8.20 Eucalypt (30)
6.40 - 7.20 Aleks And The Ramps (40)
5.35 - 6.20 Charge Group (45)
5.00 - 5.25 Chris Cobilis (25)
4.10 - 4.40 Majorca (30)
3.20 - 3.50 Touch Typist (30)
2.20 - 3.00 The Thaw (40)
1.30 - 2.00 Ooga Boogas (30)

47 Coppin Street, Richmond, Melbourne
(entry round the back via rear lane)

So there you have it. We'll see you there!

It seems Shane Warne simply refuses to stop giving comedians around the country fodder, with news the SMS-happy cricketer/suburban playboy just earned himself a chastising at a poker game because he is unable to resist the lure of texting.

A poker website is reporting the spin legend has just been given a five-minute penalty for sending an SMS during the Aussie Millions 2008 event at Melbourne's Crown Casino.

Warne has been infamously involved in numerous lurid text-messaging scandals. They are said to have contributed to the breakdown of his marriage.

HAY BABEY AT CARD GAMEZ AN I C DA QUEN OF HARTS AN THOUGHT OF U LOL KEN I KICK UR PUPPY xxx

Ahem.

We're also glad to learn there's no ill will between Warney and ex-wife Simone.

Warne was asked about his relationship with his ex Simone Callahan on Kyle and Jackie O's brekkie show this morning.

Warne said the two were friends again and get along well.

"I'm very single at the moment,'' he said.

"I never say never in this lifetime but at this stage, Simone's going her way and I'm going mine.''

How Fleetwood Mac of them.

Home & Away starlet Sharni Vinson, currently dating AJ Buckley who apparently appears in one of the thousands of CSI spin offs out there, had planned on leaving Summer Bay to make her mark in Los Angeles. And why not? Her boyfriend, surely the most unbiased of people, thinks she'd "kill it" over there! But alas, the writers' strikes in the US means we won't be seeing her pop up as a bit part in anything in the near future.

The Aussie actress filmed her final scenes for Home and Away last month, with the plan to hit Hollywood at the time of year when studios are shooting new shows and looking for new talent.

But the two-month long writers' strike, which has crippled the entertainment industry there, is sure to put a spanner in the works.

No matter - it just means the 24-year-old starlet will have more time to laze around the house with her CSI: New York hunk.

Well as long as true love prevails, we can sleep soundly tonight.

Our friend Adem sent us this clip the other day, and we enjoyed it very much. If you haven't seen it already, you will too. And if you have? Hell, it's worth yet another look. Winona Ryder = Genius.

Who could have anticipated the Pandora's Brand Can o' Worms we'd be opening with our Katie Holmes NY marathon conspiracy coverage over the past few days? We asked questions, you had answers. You also had more questions, about mysterious men in photos and identical split times. We started to realize this was bigger than all of us. Or maybe it wasn't. We were cold. We were scared. We met a guy named Deep Socks. Eventually, we hit The Wall, but The Truth gave us our second wind. A round-up of the latest:

· Fox 411's Roger Friedman claims to have solved the mystery: Foxy Mossad Agent #6074 as commenters have dubbed him, is none other than personal trainer and aspiring actor Wesley Okerson--not Israeli, but in fact a Marylander living in Beverly Hills. Mary Okerson, Wes's mother, says he and mysterious identical split-timer Paul Vincent are Katie's trainers. She did, in fact, run the marathon, says Wes's mom! Mystery solved! (Also: Okerson was a guest of the Cruises' at the Lions for Lambs premiere.) [Fox 411]

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Defamer's favorite defender of feminism/nicotine addict, Katherine Heigl, is making the rounds on the talk show circuit to ostensibly pump up the enthusiasm levels for her new rom-com, 27 Dresses. However, she spent most of her time on The Late Show last night emasculating her husband of two weeks, Josh "Katherine Calls Me Joshua" Kelley. That is, when she wasn't readily admitting that she wouldn't stoop to the level of actually paying to go see her own movie.

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Grasping for answers and hoping to bring some much-needed order to a world plunged into chaos by Sean Penn and Robin Wright's split after 11 years of marriage, an anonymous source describes a possibly meaningful incident in which a tarted-up Sienna Miller sat in the actor's lap at a NY party. Titillated yet? What if we told you that during that lap-sitting, Miller had her arm around his neck? A ha! Fortunately for all parties involved, a "Penn friend" dismissed the idea that the actress was somehow involved in the break-up, disclosing that the actress has a tendency to "drape herself over people she likes." See, she's just drapey! You may now return to snipe-hunting for clues about why the couple ended their relationship in old movie footage. [Rush & Molloy]

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Tonight marks the beginning of yet another Sundance Film Festival; we'll be covering the proceedings from a safe distance, far from the intoxicating allure of all-night Ketel One-and-Strawberry Hot Tub parties with the juggsiest indie film execs in Park City. We already have some heavy-buzzers out of the gate. Like breakout hits of Sundance past, such as Once, Little Miss Sunshine, and Hustle & Flow, all your film really needs to get the buyers to come knocking at your condo door is a good antihero (Dublin busker, hip-hop pimp), a major disease or problem to overcome (death, lack of demo CD), an engaging solution (madcap road trip, recording of demo CD), and an unconventional romantic angle thrown in for good measure (love in a piano store, falling for your ho). With that in mind, we've taken the time to break down for you this year's crop according to their fundamental, Sundanciest elements:

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Has it already been 44 days since Everyone's Favorite Drinking Buddy Kiefer Sutherland won a free of charge stay at Glendale's finest all-inclusive resort? Time sure flies, we could've swore it was only 42 or 43 days. Either way, those savvy calendar counters at Entertainment Tonight remind us that Jack Bauer will be pulling a daring escape from the oppressive grip of The Man on Monday morning, probs in the early morning hours. We haven't spoken to Willard Scott yet (calls were not returned by press time), but we're betting Monday's forecast will call for a beautiful Tequila Sunrise. [US Magazine]

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Talking to AARP The Magazine (the #2 periodical for readers over 65, after Kirk Douglas's Senior Moments), veteran Hollywood horndog Jack Nicholson conceded he may, at the ripe age of 70, have begun to slow down in his legendary panty-chasing ways:

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It's here! It's finally here! According to Var, the Directors Guild has reached the much-rumored deal with the AMPTP that's had Hollywood aching with uneasy anticipation since the formal start of negotiations over the weekend. No details are in yet; stay tuned to see if the terms offer hope that a similar agreement can be struck with the WGA, or whether the proposed contract is so disappointing that it will just drive a fresh wedge between striking writers and the studios, plunging the town even deeper into gut-wrenching despair. [Variety]

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The venerable and undeniably relevant American Film Institute has brought us hours upon hours of pleasurable television viewing in the past with their not-at-all boring "100 Years" series. We just KNOW that each and every one of you found your pants simultaneously bursting at the seams when our great nation finally found out which sidesplitting film reigned burrito supreme in their "100 Years ... 100 Laughs" poll, and of course we're all well aware of the important role that our No Child Left Behind funding has played in encouraging schoolchildren to memorize the AFI's "100 Years ... 100 Passions" list. Though we will certainly gather our grandchildren 'round the fire one day and regale them with the many thousands of memorable moments that these television specials provided for us, we understand that the AFI must too progress, lest it suffer the fate of irrelevance in these ADD times of ours. Hence, it's bye-bye Top 100 and hello Top 10.

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· Warner Brothers allows its options on the Justice League cast to lapse, putting the project on "indefinite hold," though the studio has assured its roster of mostly no-names that it still would eventually like to see what they all look like in their cute superhero costumes. [Variety]

· Like Monday's American Idol episode, last night's installment was down in the ratings from the show's 2007 season; still, the 30 million people who tuned in were more than enough to help Fox completely eviscerate its competition. [THR]

[After the jump: Hayden is a cheerleader 4ever, the DGA-deal waiting game, and WB layoffs begin!]

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Paramount has just given the First! Official! Sneak Peek! At The New Enterpise! to Moviefone, a monumental event sure to induce a not-completely-unpleasant combination of heart palpitations and premature flesh-phaser-fire in Trekkies everywhere.

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This is exactly why even a whispered mention of The Singing Competition That Shall Not Be Named triggers an instant pants-soiling reflex in rival network executives: After only two airings of American Idol, a largely hit-deficient Fox has already taken possession of first place in the current TV season, a lead they are unlikely to relinquish as Idol runs roughshod over its competitors' strike-hampered primetime schedules. [TVWeek.com]

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FamousPeopleGettingFreeShitWatch: At something called "swag suites" at Sundance, Jack Black and Josh Harnett (and other similarly recognizable actors) may receive expensive electronics gadgets and fashion accessories at no cost! (Save having their names attached to the reception of the aforementioned items.) Meanwhile, back in Hollywood, recent Golden Globes winner Jeremy Piven plans to re-gift some black sequined dresses to alleged crush-object Dita von Teese, a flirtation that may be ruined by the revelation Piven didn't have to pay for his suddenly not-so-generous-seeming come-on. Stuff: Celebrities don't have to pay for it! [Page Six, Page Six]

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Celebrity wife-killer O.J. Simpson spent the last five days in jail, the result of having left threatening, profanity-laced messages for the co-defendants in his Vegas hotel room armed shit-reclamation case. Clark County Judge Jackie Glass was not amused:

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Pausing ever so briefly from the important work of culling tone-deaf attention-whores and those mentally unbalanced enough to believe their cruel co-workers are sincere when they say, "You should totally try out for American Idol, Billy! We love the way you rock out to 'It's Raining Men' in your cubicle every day! Make sure you bring your stapler 'microphone,' Simon Cowell will get a kick out of that," from the show's cattle-call population, last night's installment took some time to present the moving story of Never Been Kissed Bruce, a 19-year-old virgin who has yet to experience the pleasures of a woman's touch. Bruce was, perhaps not unsurprisingly, chaperoned by his not-at-all overprotective father, the curator of the heart-lock necklace into which his son will place his throbbing key pendant whenever he meets a lady of acceptable moral fiber.

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