Friday, January 18, 2008
MySpacePartyTeenWhoCannotBeNamedForLegalReasonsWatch: Our Posts Are Back & Gently Amended So We Don’t End Up Behind Bars
10:33AM Jess McGuire | As most of you would be well aware, we had to take down our coverage of the MySpacePartyTeenWhoCannotBeNamedForLegalReasons on Wednesday night after the kid in question was arrested. Our boss posted about this and scared us half to death with his use of long words and phrases which contained many syllables, like “sub judice contempt” and “Cell Block H”. Thankfully, with some very clever editing (well, replacing the teen in question’s name with [REDACTED] in each article), we’re now able to put ‘em back up!
- Best Party Ever!
- A trip to Frankston Maccas!
- Admiring [REDACTED]’s chutzpah!
- Planning a new party!
- The man himself is pleased with his Facebook tribute group!
- Don’t touch his famous glasses!
- [REDACTED] arrested!
- Hanging with Ben Cousins!
Now we’re off to find something better to write about. Also, anyone know of any kickarse parties happening this weekend? [REDACTED], WE’RE LOOKING AT YOU HERE.
PS: Thanks to Mess and Noise for the Slurms-photo inspiration. More » 
10:00AM Defamer Hollywood | Looking for the Tom Cruise Scientology videos? We’ve got ‘em. Here’s the Scientology indoctrination video that got started it all (”I won’t hesitate to put ethics on someone else”), here’s the highlight reel and here’s the clip of how Tom Cruise saved America after 9/11. Phooot! More »
Helpful Media Outlets Continue To Provide Excerpts From Cruise Biography: Today We’ll Hear About His Special Friendship With James Packer
9:48AM Clem Bastow | Disappointed that we can’t buy and devour Tom Cruise: An Unauthorised Biography in Australia?
Dry those weeping eyes! For the various news outlets in the country are determined to read us a bedtime story from the book every day, or so it seems – and today’s chapter concerns Tom’s Speedo-wearing Australian pal and rumoured Scientology recruit, James Packer.
Are you ready children? Then let’s begin:
“Dominated by his larger-than-life father (the late Kerry Packer), James Packer cut a sorry figure, overweight and out of shape.
“Not only had his One.Tel communications business collapsed, but his wife of just two years had walked out on him.
“His ‘ruin’ was obvious to anyone – and it did not take long before he was reading Scientology literature.”
Morton says Mr Packer was specifically targeted by Cruise, who by mid-2002 had resolved to dedicate his life to Scientology.
He suggests Cruise offered Mr Packer a role as a samurai extra in the film The Last Samurai solely to convert him.
Mr Packer was quickly seduced, saying later he admired Cruise for his humility, values and decency.
Aww, poor widdle Jamie! He told his friends about One.Tel – and then he had no friends! How kind of Tom Cruise to swoop in and cheer him up – after all, it’s Tom’s “responsibility” as a ScientoLOLogist to help out in situations of dire need – he is “the authorities”!
To celebrate this ongoing madness, here’s some vintage John Safran after the jump – Who Wants To Be An Operating Thetan Level VIII?
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Megan Gale’s Tears As Strike Ruins Her Wonder Woman Party
9:46AM Clem Bastow | Well, we may have made up the tears bit, but we’re sure The Smiling Supermodel turned her smile upside-down somewhat when she heard – after the fact – that the strike was going to delay production of George Miller’s 2manySuperheroes flick, Justice League Of America – in which she’s reported to be playing Wonder Woman.
We bet she went straight home and kicked her Jennifer Hawkins voodoo punching bag for a few minutes then went “surfing” with Andy Lee.
George Miller’s mega-movie, which was due to be shot at Sydney’s Fox Studios, has become the latest victim of the US writer’s strike.
Many in the cast and crew were given a week’s notice on Wednesday but others, including DJs darling Megan Gale who was expected to play Wonder Woman, were still in the dark yesterday.
December Boys star Teresa Palmer and The OC’s Adam Brody were also slated to star in the flick.
The film’s producer, Barry Osborne declined to talk about the delay when contacted by Confidential yesterday.
“We have so much to sort out,” a staff member from the film’s production office said.
“We don’t want to make a comment until our crew know what’s going on.”
We’d just also like to take a moment to congratulate Sydney Confidential on this scintillating opening slug for the article – we’ve bolded the best bit: “It’s a case of ‘up, up and not away!’ for Justice League of America”.
That’s poetry in motion, that is. More » 
Lily Allen Suffers Miscarriage
9:35AM Clem Bastow | Very sad news this morning from the UK that Lily Allen – who was expecting a child with boyfriend Ed Simons from the Chemical Brothers – has had a miscarriage after returning from a holiday.
The Sun had early reports from “a source” on the topic but soon updated the story to reflect an official statement from Allen’s publicist:
Her spokesman said: “We can confirm that Lily Allen has suffered a miscarriage. She and her partner Ed Simons will be making no further comment and we ask that their privacy be respected during this difficult time.”
Poor Lily. Defamer Australia sends its pitifully inadequate virtual condolences and hugs across the pond. More » 
Tragic Facebook Groups Raise Concerns About Rampant Delusions Of Grandeur Amongst Australian C-list
9:23AM Clem Bastow | As anyone who spends their day trawling Facebook while wasting time at work will slowly be becoming aware, Facebook is starting its slow slide down into MySpace-esque crapness. The “random adds”, the shitty applications that make you invite 20 people before seeing your results, the ads for Christian stadium gigs and low-rent bikinis – and now, the arrival of the ‘celebrity profiles’.
Confidential has picked up on the trend, but only scratches the surface of the issue. They reckon there’s a group called ‘Proud Australian Celebrities’ – they’re wrong, there are in fact two ‘request to join’ (i.e. invite-only) groups – and they’re doozies. Let’s look at them, shall we?
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Fans Of Poorly-Written Local Drama Quaking As Australian Writers Urged To Consider ‘Solidarity’ Strike
9:19AM Clem Bastow | There’s some rumblings in the local union scene as Australian Workers’ Union national secretary Paul Howes visited the AWG strike in Hollywood and offered “solidarity” to the striking writers.
He reckons a local ’sympathy strike’ is needed to show support for the writers and to make it clear that similar stoushes about new media rights are just as possible here – but Australian screenwriters aren’t so sure.
Mr Howes said the issues facing US screenwriters – who are pushing for royalties for new media, such as films and TV shows sold over the internet – would affect Australian writers, making it their fight as well.
“We haven’t seen in Australia the full potential of online downloads of television shows,” he said. “Most Australians aren’t downloading Home and Away or Neighbours on to their iPod and watching it.
“This will eventually come to Australia.”
Geoff Brown, executive director of the Screen Producers Association of Australia, disagreed with Mr Howes, saying the Australian industry differed from the American studio-based system.
“It’s not our fight,” he said. “It’s got nothing to do with us, nor can we influence the outcome.
“We’re here to try and develop an Australian independent production industry, so our goals are somewhat different.”
We’re inclined to agree with Brown, though mostly because we really, really want to know who Milco is, and we’re not bloody likely to give up the satisfaction of finding out for a little bit of solidarity from the colonies!
YOU CAN NEVER TAKE OUR FREEEEDOM! More » 
You Don’t Look Like A Dude To Me
9:11AM Defamer Hollywood | Actually, it kinda looks like a dude to us. Spoiler alert! The Cloverfield Monster … revealed! Click only if you must. “Did I, at any point, say to you, ‘Flip the genre’? No. All I said was to put in a few more song and dance numbers.” If the advance quotes are any indication, the new Pixar tell-all is going to read like a Dreamworks animation picture. We agree with The Fiddler, Ledger’s Joker looks for the world like Beetlejuice. We loves us some Tina Fey, but the trailer for Baby Mama looks stillborn. More »
Defamer Hits The ‘Cloverfield’ Premiere
9:00AM Seth | Last night was the premiere of Cloverfield on Paramount’s lot, an event they were kind enough to invite us to. Without getting too deeply into the what and the how of it, we’ll only say that the movie was the rare release to receive a unanimous thumbs up from Defamer HQ: short, slick, and ferociously sweet. More »
