Wednesday, January 16, 2008

MySpacePartyTeenWhoCannotBeNamedForLegalReasonsWatch: Frankly, This Just Made Us Chuckle.

2:04PM Jess McGuire | This recently arrived in our inbox (thanks, SJX!) with the subject title “We know where [REDACTED] learnt his craft”. As you were. More »

Why Can’t Australian Reality Television Be This Amazing?

12:22PM Clem Bastow | Really, when it comes to reality/celebreality television, the Brits have it sewn up. Sure, America gave us Kid Town and So You Think You Can Dance, but our UK pals know just how to push the formula that little bit further. Not only that, but we’re pretty sure the latest thing they’ve cooked up makes I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! look like the test pattern. To wit, Channel 4’s Celebrity Wife Swap: Comedian Freddie Starr loses a wife and gains lesbian former Page 3 pin-up Samantha Fox in Channel 4’s reality show Wife Swap. The veteran comic is taking part in the celebrity version of the show, which typically sees partners swap their wives or husbands with another participating couple. And in this version, Starr welcomes the 80s model and singer into his home as she swaps places with his wife Donna, who goes to live with Sam’s gay lover and manager Myra Stratton. You may remember Freddie from the greatest tabloid headline of all time, while Sam is the performer of the safe sex masterpiece (Hurt Me! Hurt Me!) But The Pants Stay On. In any case, this is sheer genius and we can’t wait to see it. More »

So Sit Back And Really See You Guys, See Ya

12:07PM Defamer Hollywood | Was anyone else watching Vh1 last night from, say, 11pm to 11:06pm? They debuted a bite-sized pop culture rundown (”Best Night Ever”) starring the lovely, talented and wholly underrated Jessica St. Clair. We’ve been repeating her hilariously awkward outgoing sign-off all day. Edward R. Murrow, eat your heart out. Speaking of Best Week Ever, their listmaster supreme (aka Dan Hopper) ran down the Ten Least Sexy Nude Scenes in Movie History. Yes, chubby chasers, Kathy Bates made the list. Rachel Bilson wearing a star-spangled bikini = newsstand gold. Mark your calendars, this will be the first time we’ve bought GQ this millenium. The Soup has a rare, behind-the-scenes look of how Harvey Levin’s pitch meetings at TMZ really go down. Garfield sure had a bad day back on January 26, 1995. Our favorite line in the HD-DVD viral vid that made the rounds today was “BLADES OF GLORY? Are you FUCKING kidding me?” Also, in the context of this video, is Hitler supposed to be Bill Gates? More »

Court Documents Reveal Wesley Snipes Would Be Killer At Pictionary

11:26AM Defamer Hollywood | Wesley Snipes, the world’s surliest vampire hunter, is about to go to trial on some SERIOUS tax evasion charges. Whoopsy daisy, seems that Blade forgot to declare and pay taxes on the $38 million that he made between 1999 and 2004 (we’re thinking he made about $38 from 2005 until the present). But The Smoking Gun, being the document sleuths that they are, got their rubber-gloved hands on a document that Wesley filed with an Orange County (FLA, not CA) comptroller back in 2005. We used our computer’s highly advanced Ctrl+Alt+Print Screen functionality to grab the image you see above, an image so confusing that it provokes more questions than it could ever possibly answer. First off, is that a hand-drawn self-portrait? It’s like Van Gogh meets Rothko meets Rorshach! And second of all, that blood type! Does that mix with AB Negative? We must know. Lastly, that penmanship! We haven’t seen so many swirls in a signature since Peggy Sue got married. But wait, there’s more! More »

Mike Goldman Announces Good News Of Impending Marriage… At His Wife-to-be’s 21st Birthday

11:12AM Clem Bastow | Mike Goldman is nothing if not a stand up guy. Think about it, he’s even got a bit of culture, narrating Meerkat Manor for Australian audiences; clearly he’s a thoughtful and classy bloke. So we were not surprised to read of his planned nuptials to Brisbane “aspiring model” Tanya Arlidge, since he’s an old fashioned kinda guy. What other kind of man would pick up a 19-year-old shop assistant at her place of employment and then announce the engagement at her 21st birthday party? Friday Night Download co-host Goldman proposed to up-and-coming model Arlidge outside Las Vegas’ Bellagio casino last week. “I was going to propose to her on top of Park City (ski resort) in Utah, but Tan doesn’t ski so she couldn’t get up there,” Goldman said. The 35-year-old, who also hosted the doco series Meerkat Manor, revealed the news at Tanya’s 21st birthday bash on Saturday night. The couple met nearly two years ago when Goldman dropped into a Brisbane clothing store where she was working. Hopefully there was a round of twenty-questions from Daddy Arlidge, and a novelty, key-shaped cake at the party, just to complete the picture. Props to the soon-to-be happy couple – now they can go on a honeymoon to the USA, and Mrs Goldman can legally have a drink! More »

MySpacePartyTeenWhoCannotBeNamedForLegalReasonsWatch: Our Partying Overlord Would Rather Die Than Reveal What’s Behind His “Famous” Sunglasses

10:43AM Clem Bastow | Our man [REDACTED] can’t be too desperate for fame, as he was sufficiently spooked by a breakfast radio host’s attempts to remove his “famous” yellow sunglasses (which, for what it’s worth, we’re pretty sure are from either Valley Girl or Sportsgirl) that the party king ran away! He later returned and naturally the interview was peppered with the sorts of bon mots we’ve come to expect from Narre Warren’s answer to Steve Rubell. The 16-year-old from Narre Warren bolted out of the studio and fled down a fire escape after radio host Matt Tilley tried to remove his plastic yellow sunglasses, which he had kept on throughout the interview. He was chased by several news camera operators and an anxious radio producer but disappeared. [REDACTED] later returned to the studio and completed the on-air interview. Before making his escape, [REDACTED] was asked if he had anything to say to his parents who might be listening. “Sorry,” he said. Asked if he was planning to return to home, he said: “To get my clothes and stuff”. Asked if he ever wanted to go home again, he said: “I do sort of, but don’t know right now”. So why the fear of having his glasses removed – is he like the pod baby from Eraserhead, whose blankets are really its skin? Will removing them cause his brain (or what’s left of it) to course splashily from his eye sockets? Or, in a Gabbo-esque let down, will they reveal him to be Chris Lilley? More »

Shannon Noll Meets His Destiny At Viper Room (I.e. To Play Gig, Not Die In Pool Of Vomit On Sidewalk)

10:30AM Clem Bastow | Just when you thought Telstra commercials and featuring heavily (arf!) on The Biggest Loser was about as massive as Shannon Noll’s career was going to get, turns out the little bugger has booked himself a couple of cheeky gigs at LA’s infamous Viper Room! No word on whether or not he plans to ‘method act’ his way through the gig and speedball while chugging neat bourbon, but one thing there’s certainly no doubt about is that Shazza is just a little bit excited. “So much has happened at a place like that, just walking in it hits you like a tonne of bricks,” Noll told AAP from Los Angeles. “It’s going to be a real thrill to get my 45 minutes, or whatever it may be, on stage.” Noll is even thinking of writing a song about the experience. “There’s something in that to write about for sure – being a shearer or being a tractor driver and then doing a gig at The Viper Room, I don’t think that would happen too often.” Cute! We’re actually rather taken with his unabashed enthusiasm, particularly when you think about most of the jaded old-timers and hard-nosed rockers that pass through its stage doors. We’re willing to place bets on Shannon being so excited he asks a passing drug lord to take a picture of him standing in front of the venue giving a double thumbs up. More »