January 11, 2008

Kevin Rudd Photoshopped Into A Figure Of Physical Beauty Likely To Haunt Our Dreams Forever

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 1:39 PM on January 11, 2008

News Ltd are rather concerned about Kevin Rudd. It seems our new PM has taken more time off over Christmas than some would like, and they've decided to voice their worries regarding this issue.

With Australians heading back to work facing soaring petrol prices and the threat of another interest rate rise, the man in charge of the country remains holed up in his plush new Sydney home.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, who is on leave until Monday, is staying at Kirribilli House where he is "using the time to prepare for the year", according to a spokeswoman.

"He's at Kirribilli going through Government briefings, preparing for the year," she told The Daily Telegraph.

Sure, sure. Don't lie to us, he's been playing with his Wii!

But with Harbour views and his family by his side, Mr Rudd has refused to budge from Sydney's most spectacular address.

"Refused to budge"? Have there been failed attempts to coax him out of Kirribilli that we don't know about? The above sentence leads us to visualise Kevin barricading the doors, loading his rifle, chewing tobacco, and screaming out the window "Y'all ain't never gonna take me alaaaahve!" before firing off some warning shots.

Our favourite bit about the entire article has to be the accompanying photoshopped image of the Prime Minister. For some inexplicable reason, Kevin Rudd's lengthy holiday has inspired something straight from a gay porn site. Is there a News Ltd staffer using this story as an excuse to finally publish some of his private Kevin Rudd Wank Bank Collection works?

gaypornkevin.jpg

Congratulations, Toni Collette!

Australian Post Posted by Jess McGuire at 1:15 PM on January 11, 2008

tonicollettedave.jpgOne of Defamer Australia's favourite Aussies-Dun-Good Toni Collette and her husband, (former?) Gelbison drummer Dave Galafassi have welcomed their first child into the world. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Ms Collette's own "little miss sunshine" (<-- SEE WHAT WE DID THERE?) Sage Florence...

Australian actress Toni Collette has given birth to her first child in Sydney.

The Muriel's Wedding star and her husband, musician Dave Galafassi, welcomed a daughter on Wednesday, January 9 in Sydney, reports People Magazine.

The baby girl has been named Sage Florence.

"All are well and very happy," says Collette's rep.

The couple were married four years ago in a Buddhist ceremony.

Delightful!

The Writers Strike Experience: Day 65

Posted by Mark at 12:20 PM on January 11, 2008


· Day 65 of the strike: probably looked a like Day 64 of the strike, not to mention Day 66.
· Our pals at Gizmodo had a little fun with a TV-B-Gone and the seemingly unlimited number of prank targets at CES.
· Donda West: the autopsy report.
· Hey! Wookiee covered in Post-Its!

Sasquatch Doesn't Love Patrick: A 'Wife Swap' Spinoff Is Born

Posted by Seth at 11:55 AM on January 11, 2008


Not everything in the bold sociological experiment known as Wife Swap always goes smoothly: Take for example last night's arranged-marriage lab rats, Patrick (according to his name tag) and temporary spouse, uh, Sasquatch--she of the man-hands and unrealistic household-cleanliness goals. Frankly, we don't know who Sasquatch thinks she is, waltzing into Patrick's perfectly lovely, catshit-laden home and demeanoring him by insisting he dispose of the feline feces.

Posted by Mark at 11:30 AM on January 11, 2008

thr-poops.jpgIn a move that's sure to disappoint thousands of Written By subscribers, the WGA West has announced that it's callig off its own awards banquet, a non-televised affair once scheduled to take place at the Bonaventure Hotel on February 9th. Weirdly, however, it seems that the left-coasted outpost of the Guild didn't inform the WGA East of their plans before they put out a press release, a turn of events so disorienting that a THR editor, obviously exhausted by the non-stop barrage of awards-cancellation developments of the past few days, pushed through this amusingly scatological headline in response to the news. [THR]

Blog Post Goes Mysteriously Missing After Poking Around Into Katie Holmes's Involvement In Boston Marathon

Posted by Seth at 10:40 AM on January 11, 2008

marathon-holmes.jpgOf the many conspiracies swirling around Mrs. Kate Holmes-Cruise, none have provoked more heated debate lately--more so even than the one claiming she's L. Ron Hubbard's turkey-basted demon-child receptacle--than the question of her involvement in the New York City Marathon. (Our own voiced skepticism in a recent post instantly turned the Defamer comments section into a makeshift headquarters for the growing movement, where Grassy Stain and Magic Nipple theorists swapped information hungrily.) The mystery deepens after the jump:

An e-mail blast received today from usmagazine.com provided a link to an exclusive about the Mad Money star having registered for the Boston Marathon, and went on to suggest that strings had been pulled to get her in. All traces of the story have now disappeared from their website. Coincidence? Or was the post awakened in the dead of night to the dark inside of a pillowcase and the dread-inducing sound of unspooling duct tape, only to be shuffled into an awaiting van and never heard from again? Luckily, we managed to salvage the killed (!) story in time, which we reproduce for you below. Keep in mind that the same story is apparently currently on newsstands, so we're not exactly talking Woodward and Bernstein caliber reporting here. But still: Katie Holmes. The Boston Marathon. Do the math.

EXCLUSIVE: Katie Holmes Registers for Boston Marathon

Katie Holmes has signed on to run the Boston Marathon, Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands now.

The 29-year-old star of Mad Money -- who recently said she was "so happy" for Tom Cruise's pregnant ex Nicole Kidman -- had placed 34,193rd among 39,085 entrants in the New York City marathon (26.2 miles in about 5 hours and 30 minutes) on Nov. 4, which means she didn't qualify by merit for the April 21st race in Boston.

Runners in the Boston Marathon must have specific qualifying times. For Holmes' age group, that would mean finishing a previous marathon in 3 hours and 40 minutes.

The actress "received an exemption," a marathon insider tells Us, because race organizers "occasionally give out 'charity entrances.'"

Weinstein Company, WGA About To Announce Deal Allowing Harvey Weinstein To Abuse Guild Writers Again

Posted by Mark at 10:00 AM on January 11, 2008

harvey-weinstein-g.jpgAccording to the AP, The Weinstein Company says it's about to reach the same kind of interim deal with the WGA that United Artists signed back on Monday, with the papers necessary to get back to work with union writers possibly signed by the end of the day. (Let the Official Side Deal PressReleaseWatch begin! Exciting, we know.) Once the contract is finalized, Weinstein can expect a scriptalanche like one that is reportedly burying Tom Cruise; TWC employees will undoubtedly be rejoicing that their boss will have a fresh supply of three-hole-punched projectiles to launch at their heads at the slightest provocation, as they're probably a little tired of dodging the same stale batch of screenplays he's had to use since the start of the strike.

Callea-Watch: From The Hairdresser's Mouth

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 9:50 AM on January 11, 2008

Callea.jpgThe rumour mill has been going into overdrive lately as everyone speculates as to whether newly-single Anthony Callea is in fact dating his "good friend" Tim Campbell.

Well, being the well-connected types we are, we may be able to pour cold water on that particular item. A Defamer Australia pal who works in a Melbourne hairdressing salon frequented by Lil Anthony tells us that Callea used to attend his salon of choice quite regularly with his ex-BF in tow - i.e., he's a man who is not afraid to get his tips frosted with his partner present.

However, our pal says that Anthony has been seen just as regularly since the break-up, flying solo, and looking rather glum and very single.

Doesn't sound like the sort of behaviour you'd expect from a man who is apparently being romantically fed champagne and strawberries by a hot ranga ex-soapie star, does it?

So there you have it - with our network of spies and thanks to our exhaustive powers of deduction, we can - probably - guarantee* that, yes boys, Anthony Callea is still single!

* NB: not a real guarantee.

Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Bookies' Favourite

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 9:34 AM on January 11, 2008

AmyWine Blonde.jpgNow that we've all had a day or so to recover from the shock of Amy Winehouse's "just pour a bucket of White King on it, luv" hair makeover, it's time to get back to business - to wit, the rich business of placing bets!

You may have seen people, come the new year, around your office watercooler or local bar placing unofficial bets on which celebs will end up dead or in the clink, but it seems Winegums has shot to the top of the charts when it comes to the bookmakers' official choice of celeb most likely to head to jail in 2008:

UK bookmaking giants William Hill have listed the soul singer as joint 11-1 jail favourite along with wild rocker Pete Doherty, UK newspaper The Daily Star reports.

..."2007 has been a year to forget for many celebrities," William Hills spokesperson Rupert Adams said. "We have seen Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and now Kiefer all end up behind bars.

Britney Spears is at 16-1 for jail time in 2008 while former jailbird and socialite Paris Hilton is a long shot at 33-1.

Reports that Georgette Fielder-Civil was seen racing to her local TAB to put her life's savings on Winegums could not be substantiated at the time of press.

Posted by Mark at 9:30 AM on January 11, 2008

An operative who's currently over at The Tonight Show's Burbank studios to witness the first leg of Jay Leno and Jimmy Kimmel's couch-swapping stunt has helpfully informed us that staffers are still trying to fill about 50 seats for the taping, which is apparently not as hot a ticket as they'd hoped. We thought we'd pass along this information in case any readers in the area wanted to drop by and experience this landmark moment in late-night history in person; if nothing else, it might be interesting to see how much air-time the writerless hosts can fill by commisserating about how hard it is to book guests who are willing to cross a picket line.

Defamer Blind Item!

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 9:16 AM on January 11, 2008

You know us pretty well by now; we like to keep tabs on our pop stars, whether former or current, so this little tidbit - offered over drinks last night - was right up our alley:

Which flame-haired, "edgy" pop singer - always pegged as "the talented one" - who left the confines of her manufactured ensemble to launch a lucrative career in "edgy" theatre and R&B/dance was recently spotted lining up with all the other young professionals as they "auditioned" for a great job as... an ANZ bank teller?

Just remember the nine-to-five can be poison.

Posted by Mark at 9:00 AM on January 11, 2008

hanks-reuters.jpgIn the kind of statement everyone's been expecting from the A-listers who have mostly been reluctant to anger the people who sign their eight-figure paychecks, Tom Hanks says it's time for the "big guys" to stop the grab-assing and spa trips and get back to negotiating. Well, maybe not in such forceful words, but at least he seems to have an opinion on the situation: "'There are caterers and carpenters ... and electricians and gaffers,' the 51-year-old said. 'There are a lot of people out there associated with the industry, for whom the sooner this work stoppage is over the better. I just hope that the big guys who make big decisions up high in their corporate boardrooms and what not get down to honest bargaining and everyone can get back to work.'" [Reuters]

Mischa Barton Opens Up To Ryan Seacrest About Her DUI, Set To A Marvelous Array Of Fantastical Creatures

Posted by Seth at 8:45 AM on January 11, 2008

Last Celeb DUI of 2007 winner Mischa Barton phoned into omnipresent showbiz presence Ryan Seacrest's radio show On Air this morning, her first public statement on the matter since being picked up by cops in WeHo two days after Christmas for driving under the influence of alcohol and non-medical marijuana.

She takes full responsibility for her foolhardy actions in the interview, though places a tiny bit of the blame on all of L.A., which, unlike her commuter-friendly hometown of New York, renders it so very difficult to drag oneself home after getting obliterated without the use of one's own vehicle. She also expresses concern that the event will somehow lump her in with a certain breed of messier starlet whose names shall go unmentioned--yet why the former paramour to Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis and Cisco "Balls" Adler would ever think such a thing is anyone's guess. And a special thank-you to Defamer videographer Molly McAleer, who has set the audio clip to an enchanted image party composed entirely of magical creatures, some of which might have danced through the heads of subject and/or interviewer at any given moment throughout the conversation.

Read More »

The Ladies of 'The View' Debate Britney Spears' Best Mental-Health Treatment Options

Posted by Mark at 8:20 AM on January 11, 2008



There is no Hot Topic more sizzlingly appealing to the ladies of The View than the ongoing turmoil within the Spears family, who generously provide the show's debate-loving co-hosts with a fresh, pregnancy- or insanity-related misadventure crying out for their disapprobation on an almost daily basis.

On today's show, the subject of Dr. Phil's willingness to become entangled in Britney's web of crazy was tossed out; as we often do during these lively discussions, we found ourselves nodding along with Joy Behar's common-sense take. Rather than turning her troubled daughter over to the TV doctor for a sensationalist, medically suspect injection of tough-love following the meltdown, mother Lynne should have secreted her off to an Austrian asylum for treatment; at the very least, that course of action would have bought the opportunistic stage mom more time to figure out the most lucrative way to play the situation before the tabloids could get involved and ruin her plans.

Posted by Seth at 8:00 AM on January 11, 2008

barr-obama.jpgRoseanne Barr blogs her take on Oprah and Barack Obama: "barak [sic] obama is an empty suit selling 'hope' in lieu of Truth. He has no ideas, no plan and nothing to add other than the cynical pacification of the masses with bedtime stories about hope, while calling Unions 'special interest groups' that need to be done away with...Oprah, you play the race card and the gender card too. You are a closeted republican and chose Barak Obama because you do not like other women who actually stand for something to working American Women besides glamour, angels, hollywood and dieting! It is historical that Oprah Winfrey, beloved of women, chooses a flashy man with small credentials over a seasoned woman politician with 35 years of experience...and sells that to the female demographic who look to her for inspiration!" [roseanneworld.com]

Posted by Seth at 7:00 AM on January 11, 2008

chase-madlibs.jpgAs one commenter pointed out, the unabridged transcript of Vinnie Chase's alleged attempt at picking up an anonymous brunette at a New York watering hole is available at Radar Online, where you can follow their lively political debate (she's a Bushy, yet that didn't scare him away), and find out for certain what those two words bleeped by the NY Post really were. Before you do, however, the impromptu fill-in-the-blanks match that broke out in our comments section has inspired us to escalate the proceedings to a full-fledged round of Adrian Grenier Mad Libs.

Adrian: So how about we go home and I [verb] the [noun] out of you?

Provide your answers in the comments, and hilarity shall ensue!

Reese Witherspoon Dumped, Quickly Scooped Up On The Rebound

Posted by Mark at 6:35 AM on January 11, 2008

· With plenty of time on their hands these days to evaluate their relationships, studios have start dropping (and/or not renewing) first-look deals with partners with whom they've fallen out of love. Not even America's Sweetheart Reese Witherspoon (and her Type A shingle) has been immune from this recent caprice, though New Line was more than happy to climb into bed with her after a recent dumping. [Variety]
· A belt-tightening ICM is suspending several agents, who still will receive strike pay and benefits until the end of the labor war, and temporarily cutting some salaries. The silver lining: they're not laying off any assistants. (Yet.) [THR]

· The WGA has announced the nominations for its awards, with Juno, Michael Clayton, The Savages, Knocked Up, and Lars and the Real Girl recognized in the original screenplay category. [Variety]
· How are some striking writers killing time in between picketing shifts and producing YouTube videos? By writing children's books. (Look for Goodnight Moonves at your local Borders soon!) [THR]
· Fox finished Wednesday night in a fourth-place tie with Univision in the 18-49 demographic behind two hours of Back to You and Til Death repeats, biding its time until it unleashes American Idol upon its rivals. [Variety]

Show Your Fighting Cocks Pride At The Benjamin Silverman High Winter Prom

Posted by Mark at 6:10 AM on January 11, 2008

bs-high-cocks.jpg
Moving quickly to fill what must have been a staggering demand for appropriate attire for the recently announced Benjamin Silverman High Winter Prom, Strike Swag has just unveiled the official B.S. High Fighting Cocks t-shirt, an item that's sure to be the first choice of any nerdy WGA attendee who doesn't have a pumpkin tuxedo in the closet that he can break out for the dance. (Those who plan on showing their Fighting Cocks pride will be happy to know their purchase benefits the Writers Guild Foundation Industry Support Fund.)

Posted by Seth at 6:01 AM on January 11, 2008

rodriguez-release.jpgTMZ's reporting Michelle Rodriguez has been released from Lynwood today, 163 days short of the 180 she was sentenced to. Last we checked, Kief is still in the Glendale City Jail on Day 37 of his 48-day stint. Like the table of Ye Rustic regulars loudly bemoaning his absence over Jager shots last night, we've got to ask: Where is the justice? [TMZ]

United Artist Mogul Tom Cruise Reportedly Buried Under Mountain Of Thousands Of Scripts

Posted by Mark at 5:20 AM on January 11, 2008

One studio in Hollywood, at least, may not think that this strike situation is really all that bad. A Defamer operative tells us there's a rumor floating around that since it struck its side-deal with the Writers Guild earlier this week, Tom Cruise's United Artists has been deluged with "2,500" scripts as idling agents frantically abandoned their Scrabulous games and retaliatory werewolf attacks to get their clients' projects in front of pretty much the only people who can get anything done at the moment. Is that figure merely the fantasy of some tracking board poster who decided to arbitrarily assign a numerical value to "a shitload"? Probably!

We just love the idea that a giddy Cruise (the buzz over bringing Paul Haggis into his family surely hasn't faded) now begins each day by diving into the enormous pile of screenplays that dominates his office, and, after emerging from the mound holding aloft a bradded trophy, shouts to his overwhelmed development staff, "Now this one's gotta be better than Lions for Lambs. Let's make a movie. No, let's make a thousand movies! We've got the whole business to ourselves!"

Queen Latifah Recalls The Familiar Smell Of Tom Cruise And Diapers Pervading The 'Mad Money' Set At Last Night's Premiere

Posted by Seth at 4:45 AM on January 11, 2008

holmes-preem.jpgIn case you missed it, yesterday was Katie Holmes's Big Night--an evening to celebrate the Katie of long ago, famous not for suspicious pregnancies and dead-eyed Cruisian servitude, but for the skillful way she was once able to memorize words in scripts, and then perform those words in front of cameras. In other words, it was the premiere of Holmes's new movie, Mad Money. Arriving with her extremely proud, extremely touchy, extremely ever-present husband, Extra was on hand to document every moment of the full-time mom's triumphant return to the silver screen:

Tom caressed her lower back and kissed her passionately on the cheek, but he soon left to sign autographs and let Katie bask in the glow of her first movie since having baby Suri. [...]

So what does Katie think about seeing her toddler grow into a mini version of herself?

"I see it and then see a lot of Tom, and then I think she's her own person," Katie said. [...]

Latifah told "Extra" that Tom was frequently on set, bringing little Suri along.

"Yeah, all the time," she said. "He's the daddy!"

Latifah let out a forced laugh as she swiftly surveyed the crowd, then turned deadly serious, gripping the Extra reporter's wrist and urgently whispering, "I mean all the time. Look carefully, you can see the shadow of his head poking out from the bottom of the living room window in a couple of the scenes. And he kept sneaking up behind me at the catering table and ambushing me with brochures that he said 'could really help me with my ongoing personal training problems.' Made my blood run cold, I tell you. Cold as ice," before abruptly reverting back to the sunny, confidant Latifah we know and love, and continuing along the press line. If she hadn't shot one last look of desperation midway through her interview with Access Hollywood's Tony Potts, the Extra reporter might have almost questioned whether the chilling exchange had ever happened at all.

HFPA Dissidents Upset At NBC's Plans To Turn Golden Globes Press Conference Into 'Access Hollywood'-Style Fiasco

Posted by Mark at 4:10 AM on January 11, 2008

bush-foxx.jpgAccording to the LAT's Gold Derby blog, some scandalized members within shadowy, buffet-decimating, kudos-proffering concern the Hollywood Foreign Press Association are livid that network broadcast partner NBC, hoping to salvage something from the strike-ravaged wreckage of the Golden Globes, intend to turn Sunday's one-hour press conference announcing this year's winners into an Access Hollywood-branded farce presided over by two of dinnertime TV's most recognizable faces:

HFPA leaders caved under network pressure only when assured that the TV show would be a serious press conference produced by NBC's news division. They never thought they'd get stuck with "a puff show" with Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell, says a source.
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association has enough trouble deflecting criticism about the freelance status of many members. It's doubtful that the group would've agreed to this plan if NBC had been clear up front, is the sentiment I understand is now coming from the HFPA camp.

"The show isn't a real press conference," a veteran TV producer tells me. "It doesn't look like [the] journalists present will be able to ask questions of Golden Globe officials. They'll be there as captives to watch Billy and Nancy read off nominees and winners in 25 award categories."

It's understandable that some HFPA members would be galled by the puffery of NBC's plans, which make a disturbing mockery of the organization's normally sacred celebration of Hollywood. If the network had any interests but its own at heart, it would have made some attempt at incorporating the solemn ritual that usually begins each Globes ceremony--the consumption of Orson Welles' transubstantiated body and blood in the form of filet mignon and stiff vodka-tonics-- as a show of good faith, even if they ultimately insisted that the oppressively telegenic Bush and O'Dell serve as the officiants of the rite.

Posted by Seth at 3:40 AM on January 11, 2008

adrien-grenier2.jpgEntourage star Adrian Grenier is being accused of the high crime of using cheesy and crass pickup lines on unsuspecting Vinnie-bait, having reportedly told a girl at a bar that he makes "documentary films" (what--Shot in the Dark wasn't a documentary?). To which she replied, "I'm in fashion," meaning she works in fashion, we presume, not that she was acquiescing to being the Flavor of the Night. Wait! Don't leave--it gets better! Then he said, "That's cool. So how about we go home and I [bleep] the [bleep] out of you." We know! But she declined. And his rep refused to comment. OK, that's it. You can go now. [Page Six]

Bodily Expulsions Promised With Premiere Of VH1's 'Celebrity Rehab'

Posted by Seth at 3:30 AM on January 11, 2008

celebrehab-hed.jpgIf there's any question as to why we've been eagerly anticipating Celebrity Rehab, the latest offering from VH1's Reality Department/ Non-Skank-Romance Division, since first being teased by footage of Jeff Conaway blowing a rail of fauxcaine, one need only take a look at this ABC News headline, which practically bullet-points every stage of Dr. Drew Pinsky's clinically-proven-to-induce-ratings 4-step program. (Mop-wielding orderlies are typically on high alert prior to Step 3.) Distancing himself from University of the Web-accredited quacks like Dr. Phil and other exploitative reality fare covering the same ground, Actual Medical Doctor Pinsky explains how his show is far more than just Celebrity Apprentice with piles of blow and a stocked bar (which, now that we mention it, would make Trump's show a lot more interesting):

Though Pinksy may be best known for sex advice doled out on the radio and TV call-in show "Loveline," he's no Dr. Phil -- he has the medical chops to administer real treatment...He considers "Celebrity Rehab" a documentary about him treating a group of patients -- not a typical reality show. But as is often the case in Hollywood, cameras and a weekly paycheck for the patients helped the process.

"Cameras sort of hold people accountable -- they motivate them to keep them going," Pinsky said. "I was able to do more intensive work because these people were getting paid by the week. They wanted to get paid and they wanted to be on TV."

As an accompanying visual aid to help readers fully grasp just how rejuvenative a trip to rehab can be for a famous, rock-bottom addict, they have amassed a handy slideshow of personalities before and after treatment, like a celeb meth-face gallery in reverse. (Though in certain cases, such as American Idol's Jessica Sierra, a third photo of her vomiting on a cell floor after offering the Tampa force a round of blow jobs would have been more accurate.) Ricco Suave, Daniel Baldwin, Chyna and the rest set their monkeys loose in our living rooms starting tonight at 10 p.m., and you can bet we'll be on hand to capture the most painful and puke-filled highlights.

Hollywood's Honorary Mayor Gets Star On Heaven's Walk Of Fame

Posted by Mark at 3:00 AM on January 11, 2008


As you've undoubtedly heard by now if your television set was tuned to a local newscast for any length of time last night (where the story received far more breaking coverage than did, say, the recent assassination of Benazir Bhutto--get a better publicist, turmoil-plagued Pakistan!) Johnny Grant, the Honorary Mayor of Hollywood who personally blessed hundred of gilded Walk of Fame stars as they were laid into Tinseltown's immortality-conferring stretch of filthy sidewalk, died Wednesday night.

As you might expect following the passing of any beloved head of state, there is no shortage of obituaries celebrating Grant's legacy, but we've found no post-mortem tribute more touching than this video elegy an obviously grief-stricken mourner offered up to the internets today. Once the Star Wars-inspired crawl fades and the music-accompanied montage of some of those memorable Walk of Fame moments kicks in, you will be moved.