Thursday, January 10, 2008
Yes, But What Did Kylie Eat While She Was On Greville St?
2:10PM Jess McGuire | Yesterday our soulmates at Confidential reported Kylie Minogue had been spotted out and about in Melbourne, enjoying dinner with at a restaurant on Monday night, and bonding with a chum at a cafe on Greville St.
Kylie was spied yesterday having a drink with a blonde girlfriend at Greville St cafe On The Corner.
Our spy said the pop pixie was wearing celebrity standard-issue big black sunglasses, khaki pants, a purple T-shirt and a yellow headscarf.
Earlier, she had lunch at Candy Bar in the same area.
“She was looking fabulous, beautiful blonde hair and looking very relaxed,” our spy said.
Well, our source actually served Ms Minogue and immediately texted us (prefacing his revelation with the kind words “You’re the only homo in my phone that I thought might be vaguely interested. Go figure.”) to inform us of this fact. When pressed for information, he revealed the following.
“She had a skinny latte with “not too much milk” and blue berry pancakes. Looked old and very blonde. I’d do her… but that’s not saying much.”
Indeed it isn’t, friend. As for looking old, well – she IS pushing forty, god love her! We still think Kyles appears fab and not at all like a bad version of Dannii who resembles a bad version of a young Kylie and now we know how to fix her coffee should we ever, you know, run into her and she declares she’s in desperate need for a caffeine fix.
If you spy a celebrity – no matter what grade, A is great but Z suits us just fine – feel free to inform us by emailing us. We suppose you could text us like our mate Ryan did, but this would involve you knowing our mobile number. Which you probably don’t.
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Matt Corby Laughs In The Face Of Your Expensive Record Deal!
12:54PM Clem Bastow | Young Matt Corby – remember him? – who was tipped to be the sure-shot victor of Australian Idol ‘07 (despite, you know, not actually being the victor) evidently isn’t too fussed about whether he makes it or not (despite, you know, not actually going back to school in favour of a career in the industry).
It seems that Sony BMG offered him a shiny record deal – despite (last time we’ll say that, promise) the word that only winner Natalie Gauci would be signed – but Goldilocks Matt has decided he doesn’t want it after all.
The Idol runner-up was reportedly gloating about rejecting an offer from Sony BMG because he wanted to be his own man, even though he is still a teenager and the label has said it wants to give him time to grow.
“I’m still a young guy and I don’t want to be packaged. I’m just cruising along and playing music, if it all fails I’ll go back to doing my HSC or become a garbage man,” he said.
We’re pegging our bets on “if it all fails I’ll become a garbage man” being the new “just making the music I love, if anyone else likes it, that’s just a bonus”.
See, Matt, it’s meant to be! You’re as big a wanker as any of these other pretenders! Take the record deal! TAKE IT!! More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Blonde Ambition
12:34PM Clem Bastow | We were struck first this morning by the touching news that Kelly Osbourne – herself a former drugs and booze stuff-up – is wide open and there for our Winegums, telling the Mirror “I talk straight. I don’t say: ‘Look Amy, you’re just fantastic.’ I say: ‘Amy you have a problem. I’m here when you are ready to deal with it.’ I’m not going to tell her to go to rehab. She’s not an idiot, she knows what her problem is.”
However, that news pales in comparison with today’s other shocking Winegums piece – THE HAIR! THE HAIR!
In short, Amy has gone blonde (we’ve adjusted our traditional Winegums image for your delectation), and it’s about as flattering as Britney’s myriad of poo-coloured brunettes, or the time Gwen Stefani went blue for the AMAs.
Looking more glammed-up washerwoman than Hollywood femme fatale, the Back to Black singer bundled her freshly dyed tresses up in a brilliant yellow headscarf and completed the look with a flicked up fringe.
Perhaps, after 12 months of turmoil, the troubled artist hopes the old saying blondes have more fun will prove true.
However, the look is likely to do little to get the 24-year-old off the 2007 Worst Dressed list which was unveiled yesterday.
She came second, only beaten to the top spot by stick thin clothes horse Victoria Beckham.
Okay, we’re going to go out on a psychoanalytical limb here and take a wild guess that Amy is in the middle of an attention-seeking phase.
Just call it a hunch, we’re pretty good like that. Almost as good as Jackie Stallone.
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This Is Either Britney Spears’s Drug Dealer, Or Virtually Anyone On The Planet Pretending To Be
12:14PM Seth | We suppose the above bargain-budget, highly suspect “interview” with Britney Spears’s alleged drug dealer could have been easy enough to fake. Simply hire a Dateline-ish looking interviewer to sit down with a subject shot entirely in silhouette, add a little voice-distortion (or is “Jane” a transexual?–it’s difficult to say), and let them run off at the mouth about the Costco-sized drug orders the singer would regularly have delivered to the Four Seasons. Still, our quick, grossly unscientific mental calculations (2 oz. cocaine per day = 57 grams per 24 hrs. = heart[KABOOM!]) leads us to question the rigorousness of their sourcing standards, as that’s enough blow to kill a Blue Whale. Britney’s Drug Dealer Speaks [YouTube] More »
Murder Unscripted
12:05PM Mark | In an unusually star-studded strike video (Eric Bogosian! Dean Winters! B.D. Motherfucking Wong!), we’re introduced to Murder Unscripted, a completely writerless police procedural. Enjoy. If someone had actually cast the LOLrus alongside Nicholson and Freeman, we might’ve gone to see The Bukkit List. Weirdly, our nightmares almost always involve Sherri Sheppard being chased through Central Park by enormous rolls of toilet paper. Get out of our minds! LAT editors justify all the manpower they’ve been throwing at the Britney Spears story. “TMZ has learned the divorce between Pam Anderson and Rick Soloman is back on and Pam is pregnant!” Yeah, we stopped reading there. More »
Callea And Campbell Dine Together Publicly, Resist The Urge To Have Hot Gay Sex; Press Scratches Head And Wonders What The Hell Is Going On
11:37AM Jess McGuire | Despite now both being self-confessed homosexualists, it seems Anthony Callea and Tim Campbell are still resisting their natural need to do impure things to each other, preferring to do lunch at cafes to simply doing each other. But they both have penises! DOESN’T THIS MEAN THEY HAVE TO TAKE TURNS BUMMING EACH OTHER IN A TOILET BLOCK?
Good lord. If the people of Australia can’t depend on stereotypes to explain what’s going on in the world, what can they depend on? Nothing.
Pop prince Anthony Callea and former Home and Away heartthrob Tim Campbell insist they’re just mates.
But the pair continued to strengthen their friendship over lunch at a Williamstown eatery.
A spy said the twosome – who are out and proud (and single) – hid from onlookers at the back of the Atomic cafe, concealing their faces behind caps.
Concealing their faces eh? Because their faces were covered in each other’s mangunk? HUH? IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED?
Or, you know, maybe they just like being friends and talking about boys and eating salads and bitching about David Campbell and they’d prefer it if the eyes of the media weren’t constantly following them, waiting for one to jump the other’s bones. More » 
Not Even E! Is Going To Bother Showing Up For The Golden Globes
11:35AM Mark | OK, now the Golden Globes are really, truly, stick-them-in-the-ground-and- shovel-some-dirt-on-the-coffin dead: The E! network–whose 101 Most Awkward Red Carpet Moments Involving An Actress Being Taken Aback By Ryan Seacrest’s Encyclopedic Knowledge Of High-End Women’s Footwear clip-show special is a ratings winner even after years of reruns–can’t even be bothered to dispatch its starving, celebrity-circling vultures to pick at whatever carrion-morsels are left on the event’s bleached bones. And it gets worse: In a scheduling move that’s the basic-cable equivalent of urinating into the Globes’ open grave, they’ve decided to run a marathon of Keeping Up With the Kardashians instead. “We’re taking the attitude that if the stars are staying home, we’re staying home. These shows are about stars,” said E! head Ted Harbert with a note of resignation before continuing, “Please excuse me, I have to go take down all the mirrors in the building before I break the news to Giuliana Rancic. We can’t have her smashing them and running through the office to hack away at anything that moves with the jagged shards as she tries to work through her grief.” [Photo: Getty Images] Networks set Golden Globe plans [Variety] More »
Where In The World Is David Beckham’s Knob?
11:28AM Clem Bastow | Just a while back we delighted in bringing you the pictures of David Beckham’s packed lunch in a Giorgio Armani underwear advertisement – which Posh Spice then helpfully assured everyone was her husband’s: “He’s massive, isn’t he?”
Well, it seems there has been some deflating in the Becks underwear department, with his latest Armani campaign looking a little less than “massive” – and it’s clear this doesn’t wash with his legions of dick-obsessed fans!
David Beckham’s legion of fans – both male and female – may be a little disappointed with his latest advert for fashion house Armani.
The 32-year-old turned underwear model was again dressed in the tight underwear which caused a veritable furore when first seen, but on this occasion failed to make quite the same impression.
Davidlooked somewhat less impressive in a pair of black underwear in comparison to the earlier pictures of the star, which were so striking they caused onlookers to debate whether the pictures had been enhanced.
But when asked if the images had been tampered with to give Beckham a greater appeal, his spokesperson was less than forthcoming, and replied with a simple: “No comment.”
How the mighty have shrunken fallen. It’s times like this we are thankful not to have knobs, if they cause this much consternation.
Can’t you just hear Becks’ adorable whine now? “But Giorgio, can’t we do the shoot another day? I just had a cold shower and I’ve been fighting with Vickie, and there was an odd number of Diet Coke cans in the fridge and now I feel all nervy. Pleeeaaase?” More » 
Sunset Tower Probably Not Leaning, But Definitely Caught Nailing The CAA Death Star
11:20AM Seth | Having received a tip that the building that formerly housed the 360 Restaurant and Bar is leaning, we threw it open to you, our intrepid readers, to send in photo evidence suggesting whether or not the angle was merely an optical illusion, or if in fact at any given moment There Will Be Blood patrons at the nearby Arclight Dome won’t end up seeing far more blood than they had bargained for. More than one of you came through, and after a careful examination, we fail to see a significant tilt to the structure, and we thus really see no need for Hollywood locals to run screaming through the streets, at least any more than they usually do. And while we did request no Photoshop, one reader’s submission so awed us with its erotic vision of the CAA Death Star getting the skyscraper-pounding it’s long craved, we’ve included it above. The other photos are after the jump. Previously: Leaning Tower? [Defamer] More »
Sting Beaten To Eco-Friendly Crown By Puddle Of Pond Scum – Oh Sorry, That’s Pete Doherty
11:00AM Clem Bastow | For all of Gordon Sumner’s crowing about the environment, and about how if we all had Tantric sex for eight hours a day the Earth’s alignment would right itself and global warming could be used to fuel electricity in the Third World (or whatever his particular thing is), it seems The Police’s megabucks reunion world tour might have done him some damage when it comes to his position as an eco-warrior.
Worse for him, he wasn’t beaten – in a list of eco-friendly artists – by Bono or Deep Forest, but by old scungy mitts himself, Pete Doherty.
Is there no fairness in the world anymore?
NME magazine commissioned a survey of rock tours, with zero “as carbon neutral as Bob Geldof’s bathwater” and 10 “as good for Earth as an oil spill”.
Babyshambles was given a four rating, with indie band the Cribs, due to playing small venues with fans not travelling too far.
Radiohead was the best of all five bands, listed with a rating of just two, after Thom Yorke pledged to reduce their footprint.
The Police came top with a rating of seven – the same as Kasabian.
John Buckley, of Carbonfootprint.com, said: “At Live Earth in New Jersey where the Police played, the biggest emissions weren’t from the concert, it was the fans.”
So there you have it – don’t go to The Police’s Australian shows if you know what’s good for you, apparently they’re a farty lot.
Must be all the mung beans and cocaine. More » 