Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Hold Your Horses, Australia, Sophie Monk And Benji Madden Are Still Together!
3:57PM Clem Bastow | Though millions of Australians were ready to wail in the streets at the rumoured news that Sophie “Motorcycle Dance” Monk and Benji “The Slightly Fatter And More Tattooed One” Madden were about to split, the country can breathe a collective sigh of relief – it is not so!
In a statement to US Magazine, the couple’s publicist wrote: “As Nicole Richie and Joel Madden anticipate the birth of their first child, a rep for Madden’s rocker brother, Benji, confirms that, despite reports of a split, his romance is still going strong.
“In response to recent rumors that the couple had broken up, Good Charlotte’s rep tells Us: “Benji Madden and Sophie Monk are together and very happy.”
Evidently this is such a cause for celebration that News Ltd created a slideshow to the effect of providing reverence for our greatest celebrity coupling since Tom and Nicole – which we give thanks for, as it allows us all to bask in the glory of this:
For which, we should all give solemn thanks. More » 
Chipshop Visits The Psychic Shop
3:43PM Clem Bastow | Former Celebrity Mum of the Year Kerry Katona has apparently decided that boozing and coke-ing and all the rest of it isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, and has sought solace where most sane people would – at a tarot reader.
Yes, Kerry and her family continue to feed the UK tabloids precisely the sort of stuff they were formed for in the first place – and, in case you’ve forgotten, Chipshop is currently pregnant!
A distressed Kerry Katona has visited a tarot reader for guidance as her family begins to disintegrate again.
The TV star and her mother-in-law are locked in a war of words, both of them accusing each other of physical attacks.
Mum-to-be Kerry has claimed that Marilyn Croft, 59, slapped her in the face after a row at a New Year’s Eve party and left her fearful that she would miscarry her fourth child.
However, Marilyn has said that Kerry, 27, had slapped her following a row over drinking and smoking – at the same party.
Damn Keeping Up With The Kardashians, could some forward-thinking celebreality executive please sign up the entire Katona clan for their own prime-time television show?
We’d watch it! More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: The Shoes And The Shits
3:08PM Clem Bastow | It’s all business as usual now that Amy’s back from her tropical getaway, as she’s seemingly been turfed from the plane and back onto the chilly streets of London in her traditional get-up of ballet slippers and not much else.
Presumably after her little airport strip routine she delivered locked-up hubby Blake Fielder Civil a dish of the blood of twenty child brides for his supper.
We were, however, tickled (though not in any coprophiliac way, mind) by this little piece detailing Winegums’ bathroom exploits during her stay with apparent celebrity guru du jour, Bryan Adams:
Winehouse spent most her time in the bog.
A pal said: “She didn’t really enjoy her holiday.
“She was taken out by a sickness bug and spent a lot of her time in Bryan Adams’ loo.”
Bless.
Do you think Bryan Adams took to his newfound role and brought Amy pristine bunches of Cottonelle, like the bouquets of freshly-sharpened pencils in You’ve Got Mail, but even lamer? More » 
Is Eddie About To Be Boned By Tell-All Tome?
1:15PM Clem Bastow | Eddie McGuire is said to be sweating as he – and seemingly all Australians with the ability to read, if you believe News Ltd – nervously awaits an unauthorised biography being penned by a former Channel Nine staffer.
Just what is in said book? Buggered if we know what, since it seems no one is the wiser other than to say it will cast more light on Eddie’s love of “boning” than ever before.
In what is expected to be one of the most highly-anticipated releases of 2008, it can be revealed former Nine reporter and personality Patrick Lindsay is well under way writing the McGuire story.
The game show host is understood to be “nervously” co-operating with the author, who has previously penned biographies on General Peter Cosgrove and triathlete Greg Welch.
…On the back of Gerald Stone’s devastating tome, Who Killed Channel 9, this book, which will almost certainly dig up his troubled time as CEO and that “boning” comment, is poised to be yet another headache for Nine and McGuire.
Poor Eddie; we’re sure that behind that maniacal grin there lurks the tears of a clown. He probably goes home every night to his well-loved stuffed magpie toy, Bony, and has a good cry about it all.
We, however, just want to know if the book will shed some more light on this photo from 2005:
Lock in that final round of flaming Sambuca shots, Eddie! More » 
Bec Hewitt Changes Hair, Sadly Does Nothing About Bum-Chin
1:09PM Clem Bastow | In news set to excite the readership that apparently warranted the UK press’ constant coverage of Kylie Minogue’s various hairstyles, our lady of the bum-chin, Bec Hewitt, has given herself what looks to be a home dye job – and what a stunning colour it is, too!
If we were Joh Bailey, we’d say it was “Influenced by that great lothario of old, Pepe Le Pew, but with a modern twist” – though clearly the team at Confidential was as stumped for adjectives as Our Bec probably was for choice when faced with the dye section at Priceline:
True, it’s a paradigm shift the likes of which has never been seen in the ex-soapie stars/current tennis WAGs world until today.
She has been a blonde and a brunette – but never before has Bec Hewitt been both at the same time.
Now all we need is for Baby Mia to be given her own child-sized version of mummy’s fashionable hairdo and the entertainment for this year’s Logies ceremony is done and dusted! More » 
Letterman Shaved, Sloppily
10:15AM Defamer US Edition | Click the above image for our video recap of last night’s various acts of talk-show-host facial hair removal, in which a unibrow is plucked, a Moses-beard shredded, and a drifter-thicket shaved. At least Conan still seems committed to resisting the siren call of his razor until his writers return. The Carpetbagger finds the Golden Globes credentialing desk to be the loneliest place in the world. In this case at least, The Spy Who Licked Me doesn’t refer to some kind of pornographic reimagining of 007′s adventures in Her Majesty’s sexy service. Somehow, we forgot that it’s Zahara’s birthday. The middle children always get lost in the shuffle. More »
Axium: The Enron Of The Payroll Services World?
10:09AM Defamer US Edition | It’s looking more and more like Axium’s downfall may have been the result of the brass illicitly dipping their hands into the company cookie jar. The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that their president, Ruben Rodriguez, is no longer with the firm AND that the IRS is hot on the trail. To that end, we’d like to share this email from a tipster who used to work with the deep-sixed and Chapter 7′d payroll and accounting service: “The reason for this is all because of the two owners [Ron Garber and John Visconti]. They mismanaged funds and sent a very profitable company and all of its employees and production payroll clients down the drain. They could have fixed things but decided not to. All 350 plus employees were notified via email not to show up for work and are most likely not going to be paid for their last week or two. Nobody had any idea this was going to happen since everything had been going so well. It is like another Enron.” Got any more info? Email us! More »
YouTube Clip Of The Day
9:34AM Jess McGuire | It seems the interwebz is going nuts over this Peter Russell Clarke video. Everyone’s favourite cheese lover of the 80′s has quite a mouth on him, bless his Tourette-y cotton socks..
(No embedding available, so click on the picture to follow through to the YouTube page). More » 
Writers Offer To Give NBC’s Ben Silverman The Prom Of His Dreams
9:20AM Defamer US Edition | Rather than take offense at NBC prom king Ben Silverman’s sneering attack on the jealous, unattractive Writers Club nerds who forced the cancellation of the Enchantment Under the Hollywood Sea Dance he’d been looking forward to since last semester, some WGA members instead have generously decided to give the senior class co-chairman the party he so badly wanted to keep alive. Next Thursday, United Hollywood and Hot in Hollywood will throw him the Benjamin Silverman High Winter Prom outside NBC’s Burbank studios, hoping that their guest of honor and date Nick Counter will at least drop by to share one spotlight waltz in front of their picketing, tuxedoed schoolmates. Dear Ben Silverman: Prom Is Not Canceled [United Hollywood] Previously: NBC’s Ben Silverman Blames ‘Mean, Ugly’ WGA Nerds For Ruining His Golden Globes Prom [Defamer] More »