Friday, January 4, 2008
Ambulance-Chasing Fox Cameraman Has Eagle Eye For Britney-Based Insanity
7:04PM Defamer Hollywood | Oh, what the hell: Defamer videographer Molly McAleer was up to capture the live feed, we’re up to blog it–and this Fox News helicopter cameraman’s voice has become our new best friend, helpfully pointing out where one of the Van Halenses live, and trenchantly observing, “Look at this….look- look- look- look at that. That is insanity!” upon witnessing the swarm of paparazzi trailing the ambulance containing a Britney Under the Influence. OK, we really need some sleep before cops show up to make us give up our two kids–and we don’t even have any. Watch Video More »
Breaking: A Britney ‘Under The Influence’ Rushed To Cedars After Refusing To Relinquish Custody Of Sean Preston And The Other One
6:44PM Defamer Hollywood | In a riveting turn of events in the ongoing Spears-Federline custody saga that’s all but certain to push the name Jamie Lynn to the tabloid sidelines for a minimum of two publishing cycles, the “Gimme More” singer’s stubborn refusal to relinquish her two children led to a four-hour police showdown at her home tonight, requiring the presence of several squad cars, firetrucks, a helicopter and an ambulance–the last of which carted her off on a gurney to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. (Footage courtesy of myfoxla.com, accompanied by running commentary from a cameraman whose gripes of having to “follow this frickin’ thing to the hospital” suggest he may not have been entirely aware his audio was being broadcast throughout the internets.) Authorities have now confirmed that Spears was “under the influence of an unknown substance” when they arrived, perhaps after the singer’s sudden and utterly inconsistent interest in her children suggested she may have been experiencing the powerful, neglectful-mind-altering effects of a controlled intoxicant. Both children are reportedly now in K-Fed’s care, the elder demanding to know “why mommy’s eyes look like big, black M&M’s, daddy?” More on this stunning turn of events tomorrow, as Britney Spears-Police-Showdown -Custody-Disaster- Under-the-InfluenceGate (we promise to come up with a catchier title by then) continues… Britney Spears Taken to Hospital after Custody Dispute at Her Home [myfoxla.com] Brit’s Kids Are Safe, She’s Under the Influence! [TMZ] More »Defamer Australia Blind Item!
10:01AM Jess McGuire | We heard this delightful anecdote from a rock and roll veteran mate over the Christmas period, but cannot – for legal reasons… DAMN OUR DECEPTIVE TITLE! – actually give the names of the people involved. Still, we kinda enjoyed it and if you can work out who we’re talking about with our rubbish clues, then kudos to you.
Picture it. Musical heyday of both stars involved – so we’re talking a long time ago. The ladies are in a bathroom together. Famous American music star, proving she wasn’t all talk when it came to her ability to empathise with another, helpfully lends Famous Australian music star a tampon.
Awww. But we should be moving along.
Friendship cemented, they then decided to smoke some crack.
LIBRA FLEUR + CRACK PIPE = BFFS!
More » 
Seven Terrible Female Performances That Will Make You Forget All About Lindsay Lohan’s Dead Stripper
9:40AM Defamer Hollywood | When news broke yesterday that the moviegoers of this great nation of ours had voted Lindsay Lohan’s dead-stripper turn in “I Know Who Killed (My Career)” as the single worst performance of Anno Domini 2007, our reaction was laced with both sadness and shock. Sadness because we all long for days when the frecklecrotched wonder’s biggest problem was her slightly jiggly thighs, shock because we could think of no fewer than six and no greater than seven performances that were CLEARLY worse than Lindsay’s. What follows, dear friends, is that list (in descending order, no less)! More »Short Ends: Lohan Appreciated
9:15AM Defamer Hollywood | Finally, someone out there appreciates a certain actress’s important contributions to cinema. (Though it should be noted that last year’s recipient of that Capri Hollywood International Film Festival award was Hayley Duff.) Our Cruz sisters lesbian incest make-out fantasy has officially been ruined. Conan O’Brien, Rock Band superstar. Ed Helms teaches McLovin about why voting is important. More »
‘National Enquirer’ Reminds Us That Celebrities Drown Their Holiday Sorrows In Eggnog And Fruitcake, Just Like Us!
8:45AM Defamer Hollywood | Predating the rest of the tabloid-come-latelys by many decades has given rack-based supermarket literature giant National Enquirer the clear advantage in the art of front-page editing: More »
Sean Penn Recognised By Fellow Bush-Hating Chain-Smokers With Appointment To Head Up Cannes Jury
8:40AM Defamer Hollywood | In a prestigious delegation sure to keep his newly single nose out of trouble as he recovers from his failed marriage, Sean Penn has been dispatched to the topless-French-whore-filled beaches of Cannes to head up the awards jury of that French resort city’s annual film festival: Penn said in a statement “that a new generation of filmmaking may have begun,” citing “increasingly thoughtful, provocative, moving, and imaginative films by talented filmmakers” in what appeared to be “a rejuvenation of cinema building worldwide.” More »
The Venn Diagram Guide To Talk-Show Beards
8:25AM Defamer Hollywood | Easily the biggest news that came out of Wednesday’s mass return to the airwaves by late-night’s long-sidelined talk-show hosts was the unexpected appearance of David Letterman and Conan O’Brien’s competing Strike Beards, a solidarity-signifying facial hair trend so hot that the clean-shaven visages of Jay Leno and Jimmy Kimmel now seem to indicate a conspicuous lack of support for the hosts’ still-picketing writing staffs. (The embattled Carson Daly, we’ve been told, plans to smash his trusty Norelco electric shaver on his next show in an attempt to prove his commitment to the WGA cause, no matter how unflattering the resulting patchy growth may be.) More »
Annoyed Guild Officially Tells Jay Leno He Can’t Write His Own Unfunny Monologues
7:55AM Defamer Hollywood | Though WGA member Jay Leno seemed to think that writing his own monologue on last night’s Tonight Show wasn’t flouting the Guild’s strike guidelines, the union this afternoon announced via this terse public statement that it had a little heart-to-heart with the host about the matter: “A discussion took place today between Jay Leno and the Writers Guild to clarify to him that writing for The Tonight Show constitutes a violation of the Guilds’ strike rules.” More »
