News Ltd Make The Baby Jesus Cry With Most Unnecessarily Tragic Photo Montage In History

Fans of ridiculously cute animals would be familiar with the orphaned polar bear cub, Knut, whose troubled early days at the Berlin Zoo – animal experts decreed it would be more humane to kill him than have him live a half-life in a zoo with no hope of ever surviving in the wild – caught the hearts of pretty much everyone except maybe Saddam Hussein and Angela Bishop.

Well, he’s turned one, the plucky “little guy”, and to celebrate, News Ltd put up a slideshow of notable Knut moments.

All well and good and cute, until you stumble upon THIS:

Our initial reaction was something like, “OH MOTHER OF GOD, CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!” followed by floods of tears. But then, those emotional abusers at the News Ltd dungeons one-upped themselves by reminding us (a few photos down the track), “Poor Knut is an orphan. Lucky Ernst still has his mum,” and the sobs re-entered stage left.

What did we do to deserve all this? Did we laugh at a fat kid in Grade 2 who was actually Buddha? Were we never nice enough to our parents? Did the paper enter into a lucrative Kleenex sponsorship that we don’t know about?

For the love of cute, fluffy, cold-blooded man-eaters everywhere, this blatant emotional torture needs to stop!