Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Lassie Come Home

Clearly our repeated calls for Mitch Winehouse to choke a bitch have fallen on deaf ears all this time, but there is some hope for Winegums in the form of Ma Winehouse, Janis.

Amy’s look-alike mother has gone the old “heartfelt open letter in the News Of The World” tack in the hope of luring Amy back home for a blankie and some chicken soup.

We’re man enough to admit we were wiping away a stray tear by the end of it (after which we dropped to the floor and did fifty one-armed push-ups to compensate).

“Having to cancel your tour has been very sad. But maybe it will make you stop, think and take stock of where your life is going.”

Commenting on her son-in-law, Mrs Winehouse adds: “Blake, your husband, might not be my favourite

“We were terrified after we saw those pictures of you wandering around the freezing streets at dawn in your underwear. All I wanted to do was rush into those pictures and wrap you up in a big, warm blanket.”

This is all well and good, but the problem is the fact that the only reason Amy seems to enter newsagents is to buy a dinner of icy poles, or occasionally to pick up some of “Blake’s favourite snacks” en route to prison.

Which is weird, as we didn’t know London newsagents stocked the heads of stillborn babies and eye of newt. There’s something for Lonely Planet to put in their updated travel guide!