Monday, December 31, 2007
Sting Spotted Sucking Wife’s Toes On Sydney Harbour; Later Pulling Tantric Sex Moves At Top Of Opera House
1:30PM Clem Bastow | Well, maybe not, but at least the first part of our headline is true – those wacky Tantra-loving Brits are at it again!
As you will likely be aware, The Police have brought their reunion tour to Australia, and in the meantime between concert dates, Sting, his wife Trudie Styler, and their kids are hanging out on the monster-bucks boat that Sting hired to moor in Sydney Harbour.
Ostensibly this was so they could have a prime posi for the New Year’s Eve celebrations, but now we know the truth, i.e. that it’s a great place to get into a little “Squidgy” action.
Docked in Sydney harbour on a hired yacht costing £17,500 a day, Sting gently raised Trudie Styler’s left leg to his mouth – and sucked her toes.
The Police singer, whose personal life has been surrounded by rumours of tantric sex and swingers’ parties, also found time to massage her feet as she reclined on a sunlounger.
Really, by this time in all our lives we should expect nothing less from Sting and Styler. It’s like that crazy old lady you always see on the tram; “Oh, there she goes again”.
We were, though, tickled by this comment left on the Daily Mail site after the article: “Surprised that either of them has time for anyone else – they are so far up themselves.”
“Freddie” from Northants, we salute you! More » 
Christina Ricci Meets The Gurry Clan; A Nation Shrugs
1:05PM Clem Bastow | Remember a few months ago when we told you Kick Gurry had gone from being the Dolly pin-up of Looking For Alibrandi to the “little known” Aussie actor who is schtupping Christina Ricci?
Well, things are evidently going swimmingly in the Gurry-Ricci camp, as the lollipop-headed actress has jetted in to Australia to spend the summer holidays with her beau.
Apparently Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban/Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom/anyone else were unavailable for comment or paparazzi opportunities.
Ricci’s arrival in Oz indicates the serious nature of the couple’s relationship, with the Black Snake Moan star spending time getting to know Gurry’s family and friends.
The couple were sighted shopping at Westfield Bondi Junction yesterday after Ricci spent Christmas at the Gurry’s family home in Melbourne. While Gurry waited patiently, Ricci tried on a pair of designer shorts from luxury French boutique Paul and Joe, which she then bought.
“They seemed really happy together — they were very affectionate and cute,” a Confidential spy reported.
“Apparently she’s going to be in town for a few months.”
In town for a few months? Great!
We’ll start putting in our orders for photo opps now. How about… Kick Gurry and Christina Ricci picking up some cheap 300-thread-count sheets at Best ‘N’ Less! Kick Gurry and Christina Ricci going to the Maccas drive-through! Kick Gurry and Christina Ricci watching Postcards!
We’re excited already. More » 
The Veronicas’ Management Do Not Know This Earth Term, ‘Charity’
12:30PM Clem Bastow | The Veronicas are caught up in a scuffle by association, with word that their management is holding onto a booking fee payment – of $17,500 – despite cancelling the appearance the fee was paid for.
This would be all boring and businesslike were it not for the fact that said gig was in actual fact not another shopping mall appearance stadium gig and instead a charity gig for a sick little boy, which leaves the Veronicas camp looking, well, less than pleasant.
James Hempenstall, 14, had attracted Shannon Noll, Daryl Somers, Ricki-Lee Coulter and other performers for his planned Beneath the Stars: Songs of Hope and Joy concert in October.
Most artists offered to perform for free at Brisbane’s Riverstage concert to help James, who is almost totally blind, raise money for The Starlight Foundation.
The Veronicas – made up of twin sisters Jess and Lisa Origliasso – and Shannon Noll had agreed to sing for a reduced fee of $30,000 each.
But the Veronicas’ management asked for an up-front deposit before the concert organisers could announce they would perform.
The Veronicas had come on board late, so James’ father, Peter Hempenstall, borrowed $20,000 from family friends.
But three weeks before the concert date, the show was cancelled because only about 200 tickets had been sold.
Mr Hempenstall said he had approached The Veronicas’ Australian representatives, and New York manager Jason Richardson, a few days later to ask for a refund of the deposit.
“They told me the money had already been spent,” Mr Hempenstall said.
“They said they’d bought plane tickets and had made arrangements for their band.”
Unfortunately for all involved, it looks as though Mr Hempenstall’s own business acumen was a little shaky, with his Beneath The Stars Foundation in debt to the tune of $50,000, but we wonder – would it have been that hard for The Veronicas (not to mention SHAZZAAAA) to appear at the CHARITY concert for, like, nothing?
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we are not Sir Bob Geldof and Midge Ure. More » 
Ben Cousins Wishes The Media Many Happy Returns
12:00PM Clem Bastow | At this time of the year, when we can best expect a few crumbs from the dinner table that is show business, there are a few people we can rely on to keep us amused and up to date.
Based on recent events, we can confirm that those people are Britney Spears, Mischa Barton, and… Ben Cousins!
There’s nothing much to report in the disgraced Weagle’s corner, other than that he’s been seeing family for Christmas, taking some ski lessons, and:
The former AFL star was in fine form at Perth’s domestic airport recently, telling a photographer who wished him Happy Christmas: “Yeah, I hope you get run over by a f…ing car.”
Merry Christmas, Ben! God bless us, every one!
We’re very glad that Ben is taking his mantle as “AFL bad boy” seriously. Might we suggest for your next trick an involvement in the Heaven’s Gate cult, or perhaps the keeping of wild penguins in your fridge. More » 
I’m Not There… Am I?
11:29AM Jess McGuire | Here’s a review in The Age regarding the new Todd Haynes flick I’m Not There. In case you’ve been living under a rock, the film is about Bob Dylan as portrayed by a variety of different actors including Our Cate and Our Heath.
To tide you over until you can watch the award nominated Dylan movie for yourself, here’s I’m Not There… Am I? It’s Britney, bitch!
More » Sydney Saddened To Learn People Prefer Living In Hobart Than Battle With Its Shitty Public Transport System
10:45AM Jess McGuire | Science – or whatevs – doesn’t lie… Sydney is the least popular Australian city, according to new research, bleeding citizens like no one’s business.
Sydney is shedding 22,000 citizens a year to all parts of Australia, and for the first time the people deficit covers all key groups, from students and young singles to families and retirees.
The nation’s biggest city is the only capital to lose more people aged 15-34 than it gained from interstate migration between 2001 and last year, and is the only capital apart from Adelaide to also go backwards for both professional and blue-collar workers.
But for every Sydneysider who is forced out by the cost of living, another two are replacing them from the overseas migration program.
New official data eveals a dramatic realignment in the nation’s make-up as young and old alike criss-cross the continent from Perth to Melbourne and from Sydney to the “rest of” Queensland – everywhere outside the capital city.
Hobart is the surprise packet, rising to third place behind Brisbane and Perth as the most popular city destination for interstate migrants, while the rest of Tasmania has leapt to second behind the rest of Queensland on the regional growth ladder.
Any thoughts as to why Sydney’s popularity is tumbling like a World Cup soccer player, other than the homicidal drivers who make up Sydney Buses? More » 
Quasi-Popstarlet Marries English Cricketer We Don’t Really Care About…
8:45AM Jess McGuire | When we heard a certain cricketer had gotten hitched to a certain pop starlet, our mind immediately began racing. Could it be Shane Warne tired of texting saucy suburban ladies and had devoted the remaining few hours of 2007 to stealing Delta Goodrem away from ol’ Brian ‘Le Potato’ McFadden?
Alas, no.
England cricket star Kevin Pietersen married pop singer Jessica Taylor in a private ceremony today, a spokesman said.
Hampshire batsman Pietersen and Taylor, who topped the British singles charts with her former band Liberty X, married at St Andrew’s Church in the picturesque village of Castle Combe in Wiltshire, south-west England.
Henry Jacob of The Outside Organisation, which represents both the 27-year-olds, said: “We can confirm that today Kevin Pietersen and Jessica Taylor were married.
“The private wedding was attended by close family, relatives and friends of the couple. They are now going away on their honeymoon and will return to the UK in January.”
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
We’re sad we bothered to write about this too. Perhaps giving up the drink (albeit temporarily, probably) has broken our spirit? OR AT THE VERY LEAST, OUR ‘SPIRITS’ – ZING! ALRIGHT! WOO! More » 
New Years Eve With The Chaser? Well, Probably Better Than Going Out And Having Fun With Actual Friends, We Suppose.
8:45AM Jess McGuire | Let’s just presume – for one unholy minute – that you’ve decided to see the New Year in by staying at home and watching the television.
Yes.
In which case, LUCKY YOU – ABC wunderkinds of mischief The Chaser are going to be programming Rage!
After a year in which their trouble-making antics got them in strife with the law, the Chaser boys say they’re planning to see in 2008 quietly.
On New Year’s Eve, the team of Andrew Hansen, Chas Licciardello, Julian Morrow, Craig Reucassel and Chris Taylor will take over ABC television’s Rage program, with a selection of their favourite songs.
They say nobody’s invited them to any parties, so they’re doing television instead.
Uh-huh. So no pre-record then.
What can we expect them to pop onto the video jukebox?
Their playlist will run from The Beatles to The Violent Femmes, Sonic Youth and Hilltop Hoods.
So no Bindi Irwin then? Disappointing. More » 