Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Last Drinks
1:00PM Clem Bastow | With word that Amy Winehouse may be set to be questioned regarding husband Blake’s shady dealings, she did what most would do in that situation to cultivate a “who, me, officer?” countenance in front of the fuzz: got on the booze and didn’t stop until 6am!
However, we’re heartened by the fact that Scotland Yard has implied that Amy’s questioning doesn’t pertain to her being involved in the crime; rather, it sounds as though they may think Blake obtained some of Amy’s dosh through less-than-honest transactions. Maybe that’ll be enough for her to DUMP HIM, GIRLFRIEN’?
The Mirror quoted a Scotland Yard source as saying: “We have no evidence against Amy being involved in any crime.
“If we had she would have been arrested straight away. But we do want to talk to her about matters, particularly financial ones, which may be important in this case.”
Dear Santa: what we’d like more than anything this Christmas is for it to be revealed that Blake Fielder-Civil stole his wife’s money to fund his shiftiness, as well as having an affair on the side, and for Amy Winehouse to experience an epiphany ringed by singing angels, Sir Mick Jagger to ride in on horseback and save the day, and for the two of them to collaborate with Mark Ronson on Amy’s world-beating third album comeback.
We don’t think that’s too much to ask, is it? More » 
Aussie Kids Most Scared By News Ltd Photo Editors
12:30PM Clem Bastow | We were perusing the ‘human interest’ stories this morning when we stumbled across this story about Australian children’s fears (in short, they are more worried about spiders, animals and being bullied than a terrorist attack, unless they are asked something like “What if a terrorist killed Mummy and Daddy?” and – suprisingly! – then they report being very scared of it).
However, what struck us most was the frankly terrifying image they chose to illustrate the piece:
We’d hazard a guess that Australian kids would be pretty bloody scared of whatever the fuck that demon puppet is! We know we’ll be sleeping with one eye open when we hit the pillow tonight. More » 
Mincing Pete Wishes You A Very Merry Christmas, Eating All The Pies
11:31AM Clem Bastow | A little pre-Christmas cheer from everyone’s favourite petri dish experiment on mould “human being” troubled knob muso, Pete Doherty, who is apparently planning to stave off the booze/horse pangs this Christmas by gorging on his favourite holiday treat.
Like you, we’ll believe it when we see it.
Potty Pete, 28, amazed fans by rejecting offers of booze before he joined his pals on stage at the Tap ’n Tin pub in Chatham, Kent.
The Babyshambles singer said: “It’s going to be mince pies for me this Christmas. I’ve got a massive order on the way.”
Surely the edited end of that statement read “…on the way from Colombia, where they are packing them full of the finest crack money can buy; thanks, $100,000 guts-spilling fee!” More » 
Rhys Ifans Gives Best Spin On ‘No Comment’ We’ve Ever Heard
11:00AM Clem Bastow | So by now you’d all be aware that Rhys Ifans and Sienna Miller are actually going out proper, as opposed to the ‘we’re just friends’ line they were insisting upon despite being spotted making out while decked in daisy chains and the like.
Well, it may be patently obvious to everyone else that they’re an item, but neither of them want to talk about it – and we’d just like to pause and give Ifans a little golf-clap for his response to one journo’s persistent nagging:
Of reports of wedding bells, he told Observer magazine: “Yeah, and they found Elvis on the moon. I came here to talk about work. My personal life is invented for me, so why bother?”
Is Rhys angling for a role in a Wayne’s World sequel? “They found Elvis on the moon” – we loves it!
Use it in a sentence sometime. “Will you marry me?” “Yeah, and they found Elvis on the moon.” Works for every occasion you could imagine! More » 
Dame Shirley Bassey Gives All Pensioners Something To Aim For
10:30AM Clem Bastow | Honestly, we were going to give you a round-up of all the gay icons who helped Dame Shirley Bassey belatedly celebrate her 70th birthday, but we lost count around Cilla, Joan Collins and Siousxie Sioux (and that was before we even made it to the glitter-covered ‘Fantasy Boys’).
More than anything, though, we were struck by how amazing the Dame is looking (and yes, that’s a picture from the party illustrating this story) – and we weren’t alone.
Despite their advancing years, Dame Shirley and her pals showed they could party just as hard as their younger contemporaries.
Dame Shirley and her Golden Girl pals spent the night quaffing champagne and showing off their moves on the dancefloor.
Dressed in a red fur bolero, Dame Shirley entered her party flanked by the self-styled Fantasy Boys – a topless male dance troupe dressed in white satin trousers.
Bless. We reckon this should be sent out as a worldwide memo to anyone about to hit their seventh decade. We want to see more nannas “quaffing champagne” and getting down in a frenzy of shiny gayness! More » Noiseworks Announce Plans To Reach Out And Touch Somebody Once More
10:10AM Jess McGuire | Jon Stevens has revealed that ye olde rockers of yesteryear Noiseworks are planning on releasing a new album soon.
Their songs take us back to the ’80s, now Noiseworks plan to take us back again, reuniting for their first studio album in 16 years. No lies, Jon Stevens has revealed the Aussie rockers have been recording some of their live shows and hope to release it on CD and DVD soon.
While we’re terribly excited to see how this goes, we can’t help but suspect this may be the final nail in the coffin when it comes to our dream of seeing a second series of The Resort on the telly :(
And the secret to sounding better than before?
“We’re all older and sober,” he said.
Obviously not a subscriber to the Justice Marks theory that drunk musicians play better.
MOVING ON!
In celebration of this cheery Noiseworks news, go and watch their video for ‘Touch’. As some switched on commenter has noted “you would be amazed at how many phone companies used this song”. More » 
The Gauch Invests In Voodoo Doll As Album Tanks, Corby Signed
10:00AM Clem Bastow | Poor Natalie Gauci; we’d hoped – for her sake rather than for the sake of her whoopy R&B stylings – that she wouldn’t fall prey to the curse of the female Australian Idol winners (i.e. sinking without a trace), but it looks like that’s precisely what the fates have in store for her.
Her “album”, The Winner’s Journey (a rush-recorded comp of all the covers she performed on Idol) hasn’t even made the top ten, offering a grim forecast for whenever Sony BMG deign to release her real debut album, which will hopefully have even more originals inspired by backpackers than her single’s b-side.
Despite heavy promotion on one of the year’s most-watched programs, the souvenir CD The Winner’s Journey only managed to make it to number 12 on the ARIA chart, with sales of of 11,489 units in its first week of release.
By comparison, last year’s winner Damien Leith sold 89,257 copies of his debut CD in its first full week on sale.
If that wasn’t bad enough for The Gauch, Sony BMG have now confirmed that Dicko and Andrew G’s “special announcement” that the label would only sign the winner was a total ruse, and in the most gobsmacking announcement since Miriam revealed she’d wasn’t all woman, they’ve signed Matt Corby!
Meanwhile a Ten insider admitted Sony always had Matt in their sights. “You would think they would be silly not to sign him. He is definitely the marketable (of the final two),” the source said.
The label exercised its 30-day option on Matt, beating out a slew of other recording companies to wrap up the prettyboy from Cronulla who will ink his contract today and is expected to hit the studio as soon as possible.
Natalie should really start looking into those lucrative appearance deals at Twister, Discovery and Rooty Hill RSL real soon; we hear they’re much nicer places to play than the cold, lifeless stadiums and arenas that Matt Corby will no doubt be mournfully dragging himself to, muttering all the way, “Do I haaaave toooo?”
More » 
Paparazzi Helping Lindsay Lohan Feed Herself In Between Acting Gigs
9:00AM Defamer Hollywood | The newly sober (keep hitting “refresh” for updates) former actress Lindsay Lohan is in collusion with the paps, alleges the NY Daily News‘ Gatecrasher column. Pics of the starlet (should that word be amended to simply “let”?) en route to a recording studio are being flogged to the tabs for 30 Gs. The problem? The one other than Lindsay Lohan being back in a recording studio? It’s a set-up: “They were offered through a photo agency, but they’re clearly staged — she’s in full hair and makeup,” says a snitch. More »
Pamela Anderson May Have Gotten Divorced While You Read This Headline
8:45AM Defamer Hollywood | It’s the story no one saw coming: Pamela Anderson’s marriage to Rick Salomon may have actually lasted for two whole months. The mésalliance between the erstwhile amateur pornographer and the erstwhile amateur pornographer with a career is (maybe) over. The couple came together trailing a combined four failed attempts at matrimony in October, and will be walking away with three each…unless they don’t! Reports CelebTV.com: Depsite her pending divorce petition, Pam seems to be waffling about whether Salomon will be included in her future. More »
