Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Jules Lund Delights Austereo And Listeners With Hilarious Tale Of Drink Spiking

1:59PM Clem Bastow | We’ve always thought Jules Lund to be a fine, upstanding young man. There’s just something about that slightly hysterical laughter, boys’ room jokes and forced, cheesy smile (not to mention the tan) that just screams “Mr Smith, I have nothing but good intentions for your daughter – also, I bought your wife this kitten. Now, where are those ducklings that need to be nursed back to safety?” Well, he’s been given a talking-to from Austereo after telling – on-air – the hilarious story about how he spiked a groom-to-be’s drink at a bucks’ night. What a champeen! Lundy, maaaate! On Monday, the Getaway reporter told of his brother’s weekend buck’s turn in Melbourne, which involved dressing the groom-to-be in a tight Superman outfit before his drink was spiked with Viagra by a member of the party. Listeners of national breakfast radio show Summer Fling then heard how a scantily dressed woman entertained the group and the buck apparently suffered from the Viagra effects. Australian National Council on Drugs executive officer Gino Vumbaca warned the prank could have had disastrous consequences. “No one wants to be the fun police, but the fact remains that Viagra and other pharmaceutical drugs can have very serious side effects and can interact with other drugs,” he said. You know what would have been really hilarious? If the groom had suddenly been overcome with the desire to bum Jules. Or if he’d had a heart attack! That would’ve been so funny, can’t you just imagine Jules cracking up as he attempts to tell the bride-to-be that her husband died while dicking a stripper? Jules Lund for media personality of the year! More »

Was Delta’s Postmodern Mermaid Fantasy Inspired By Madonna’s Postmodern Desert Shaman Fantasy?

1:32PM Clem Bastow | So we finally managed to watch all of Delta’s expensive, special-effects-laden video for her latest single Believe Again, and were struck by how – once you reach the 2:55-minute mark – you could be forgiven for feeling a very strong sense of deja vu. In short, it looks like Delts’ cash-happy videographers have been tooling around in the Madonna back catalogue, specifically, her spooky, Chris Cunningham-directed video for Frozen. Now, we might be overreacting, so here’s an example to whet your sleuthy appetites; hop over the jump for a few more ‘compare and contrast’ screen shots. More »

We Can’t Think Of A Knob-related Pun We Can Make With The Words ‘Armani’ or ‘Beckham’

10:30AM Clem Bastow | David Beckham has brought an early Christmas to motorists and magazine-readers everywhere by starring in the latest campaign for Giorgio Armani underwear – and how! In fact, such is the majesty of Becks’ packed lunch, the UK press is speculating that it may not in fact be all his. The former England captain stares sternly from the poster as if defying anyone to suggest a little computer enhancement might have contributed to the chiselled six-pack or, indeed, to any other parts of his striking physique. …His spokesman was less forthcoming about the posters. Asked if the images had been enhanced to give Beckham a greater appeal, he replied: “No comment.” In comparison, when he wore similar white trunks on holiday off Italy’s Ligurian coast 18 months ago, he just did not seem to fill them as well. Uhh… we’ve been trying to think of something to say in witty riposte to this story, but all our brains seem to be coming up with is “DO YOU WANT BIG PEN1S? Males from around the world who participated, the average gain after 5 months of taking ManSter pills was 3.02 Inches! YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL THINK U R 5PERM FOUNTAIN!!1″ You can see why our doctor recommended some time away from the computer this holiday season. More »

Christmas, The Sneaky Sound System Way

10:02AM Clem Bastow | While you are scrounging in your pockets, while buying Christmas presents and food, for your last $50, spare a thought for those poor bastards in Sneaky Sound System. The struggling independent musos are having a rough time of it at this most special time of the year, playing gigs where they can and hoping they’ll be able to put some food on the table come December 25th. It’s… Oh, you’ll just have to read on, we can’t take any more of this tragedy! The Christmas bonus has come early for Sydney band Sneaky Sound System, who are understood to have stuffed their stockings with profits of up to $200,000 from the corporate functions circuit. It’s a case of weddings, parties anything for the hot dance act, who have spent the last week reaping the big bucks for adding funky festive cheer to corporate Christmas bashes around the city. More than 300 clients of financial services firm Goldman Sachs JBWere were treated to a 40 minute set by the ARIA award winning performers at a no-expenses spared bash held at Mrs Macquarie’s chair last Wednesday night. The band’s manager Amber Zada pulled out the violins when the Confidential team tried to winkle any further corporate coin chasing out of her, saying “we’re an independent act – we don’t have a record company writing out cheques so we do what is necessary to keep funding the band’s future.” Oh, cry us all a river! ARIA awards and a sack full of used $50 notes? Christmas is cancelled! More »

Invasion Of The Location Snatchers

9:29AM Clem Bastow | Steven Spielberg’s megabucks HBO miniseries The Pacific has been filming down around the You Yangs in Victoria for some time now, but it’s only recently started to impinge on the lives of suburban Melbournians – and how! In addition to filming at Melbourne High School and along the banks of the Yarra in the last few days, just yesterday Rathdowne Street in Carlton North was closed off as trucks, crew, a bunch of 1940s cars and a few false shop-fronts descended on the busy shopping strip. Our spies noted with glee that the production team had chosen the grodiest share-house terrace to tizz up for a scene of what is sure to be heartrending dialogue between a young GI and – presumably – his sweetheart, who were shot sitting on the steps of said share-house, which has never looked tidier. And then, just like that – i.e. about two and a half hours later – they were all gone. Hop over the jump for our “exclusive” spy shots, captured with Mata Hari-esque sleuthiness by Defamer spies carrying camera phones. More »