Marie Osmond’s Baby Doll Dance Of Despair

Before you pass an unfavorable judgment on Marie Osmond’s bizarre performance on Monday night’s Dancing with the Stars finale, please remember that she’s going through an extremely difficult stretch in her life right now, catty accusations of being an attention-craving drama queen nothwithstanding. After surviving a terrifying fainting spell on live TV, a son being sent off to rehab, and the loss of the Osmond family patriarch, we really can’t blame her for succumbing to to the enormous pressure of making the finals by engaging in an act of self-sabotage in donning that ill-considered baby doll costume and flailing limply through “Start Me Up.” All things considered, we’re relieved that last night’s dance wasn’t an even more dramatic reflection of the turbulence in Osmond’s personal life; things would seem even bleaker this morning had she chosen a different Stones tune as her farewell number, dumping a can of inky Benjamin Moore over her head before writhing on the judge’s table for the duration of “Paint It Black,” leaving her devastated partner with nothing to do but watch while their fleeting championship hopes dissolved into a sticky, ebony pool of despair.

• Dancing with the Stars [ABC.com]
• Richard Simmons Brings Whispered Affirmations, Sassy Pom Poms To ‘Dancing With The Stars’ [Defamer]