Defamer Australia Is No Longer In The Running Towards Becoming Australia’s Next Top Model

There’s nothing we like more here at Defamer Australia than a) modelling reality shows and b) the chance to watch the stage mothers at work in their natural habitat, so it was with glee that we tramped off to the auditions for 2008’s “cycle” of Australia’s Next Top Model (the fourth).

Held at David Jones’ Bourke St store – in the middle of the ladies’ underwear department, no less – roughly 200 girls showed up to give it a shot. And what a shot they gave!

Unfortunately our camera ran out of batteries en route (what did we say about being Pulitzer-worthy photojournalists?) but our steel-trap recall brings you the highlights they probably won’t include in the show. Read on after the jump for our personal highlights.

* Donatella Versace-esque (with added “Me draws the eyeliner on in circle round eyes, yes? With the black texta? I purty!” make-up) stage mother of too-short girl storming the production team to demand she be let through.

* Said too-short girl being offered “amazing” modelling course for “just $450″ by wide-eyed woman in a brown velour tracksuit, who hid behind a rack of slimming garments before pouncing on no-hopers and preying on their newfound insecurities after being turfed from the running.

* Another stage mother dashing around in borderline psychotic manner telling anyone who’ll listen, “She got in! She got in!”

* “Curvy” and “real” host Jodhi Meares looking stunning in real life but no way any bigger than a large size 8.

* So much fake tan that if you scraped it off all the contestants it would probably fill the Grand Canyon.

* Luke Dennehy from News LTD’s Confidential – clearly a known fashion denizen – on the panel as guest judge, looking slightly pained and saying “Cute, cute” constantly while his eyes darted back and forth.

* All judges praising girls with “beautiful skin” in a manner worryingly close to stalkerish.

* Jodhi giving not-very-convincing speech to each group of wannabes that went something like, “Well, this is tough… *seemingly endless pause* …You’re all gorgeous… *another monster pause, looking at judge from Priscillas while Dennehy blinks confusedly* …But we’re only going to take one of you. Thanks soy much for coming, girls.”

* What were the judges letting through? One incredibly beautiful indigenous girl, a few Cory Kennedy-esque “street fash” urchins, and a few pretty dorks who said things like “I don’t really know how to pose!” while waving their arms around like helicopters/Richard Nixon.

And there endeth our three-hour-long ordeal amongst the smalls. Will any of them be next year’s Next Top Alice? The series airs mid-2008 on Fox8.