Bidding Now Open On Hayden Panettiere’s Indestructable Spanky Pants

If you were one of the many horny mailroom clerks, assistants, or bosses who quietly snatched out of the nearest recycling bin the issue of Variety featuring a tantalising glimpse of Heroes’s Hayden Panettiere’s stretchy, crimson underthings, we bring news of an exciting charitable opportunity currently underway at the NBC Universal Auction Store: To the highest bidder goes the very self-healing-cheerleader costume that launched millions of permavirgin-despoiling fantasies, spanky pants included. Whether you’re a beginner or veteran hobbyist, this item will surely become one of the crown jewels of your pervy TV memorabilia collection. We therefore urge you to place your offers quickly, lest you lose out to the doggedly determined current high bidder, an anonymous patron hailing from the L.A. area who goes only by the screenname “Pvt. Chris Taylor.”

• Claire’s Cheerleading Uniform [NBCU Auctions]