Australian Idol Round-Up: “The Gauch” Goes All The Way To The Top

In the sort of “hang on, WTF?” result we’ve come to know and love Australian Idol for, Natalie Gauci took out the crown last night at the Opera House.

Despite the pundits backing Matt Corby with the short odds, the battler from Melbourne ended up the victor (there’ll be a nice warm spot in the Young Divas waiting for her within six months).

To say the whole night had been something of a shambles would’ve been the understatement of the decade, so here are some of our thoughts on the evening:

* The amazing “technical difficulties” filling the return of Divinyls to live TV, beginning with the camera going spaz two-thirds of the way through Boys In Town, a green screen, then an ad break, then a minute of meaningless crowd footage while an off-camera tech said “How long have we got?” and was answered “About three minutes”, then another ad break, then Andrew G saying something about “live television”, then the band doing the song again with the same over-choreographed moves, then the “I’m Lovin’ It” signs flashing at the end of it all over the Golden Arches-decorated runway. Then, the divine Ms Amphlett saying, “And who are you?” to an approaching/drooling Andrew G, then fucking off the whole “you’ve got a new single out but how about you play your old hit – twice – and we’ll tell you how to do it” debacle by saying, when asked what the contestants should do, “We’ve developed – couldn’t you tell?”

* James Mathison announcing, with disbelief, that Nat and Matt would arrive, accompanied by “rollerbladers holding soccer flares” – and that’s precisely what the event management delivered.

* Mathison’s barrage of single entendres and jabs at the Christian voting bloc.

* Epilepsy-inducing jump-cut montages of the Seymour Centre (etc).

* Funereal music playing over the top of any “remember when” montages of past winners and notables, despite said montages actually featuring sound and singing.

* Natalie’s plethora of dud wardrobe choices (good one, Sheridan and the Maybelline Style Team) including an ill-fitting, doily-skirted cocktail dress, jeans and a top last seen at the Seven Angels warehouse sale, and finally the clanger, her finale/winner’s dress, which was pinned at the back with the radio mic transmitter plonked on top, half a size too small, and with leather opera-length gloves that were half undone around the wrists.

* Matt Corby’s variety of leggings-tight pants, and nightie-esque shirts.

* Lionel Richie saving the night by blowing the entire Final 12 offstage following their lacklustre walkthrough of All Night Long (and then reserving all his enthusiasm for Carl Risely).

* Lionel Richie’s response, following two-and-a-half hours of Maccas branding, to the hosts’ inquiring as to how he was finding the Idol experience: “I’m lovin’ it.”

* The entire Opera House crowd seeming to have voted for Matt Corby and remaining bums-glued-to-seats throughout Natalie’s winner’s performance of Here I Am.

* The “artwork” for Here I Am.

…And so forth.

If anything, the finale show – dogged by technical difficulties and ho-hum production numbers – was really symbolic of the whole season, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that it might have been a death knell for the franchise, which last night rated just less than half of what it did in its first incarnations.

Just how many more times can they attempt to freshen the thing up? Guess we’ll have to wait until next year to find out.